melman is offline melman Post #1  August 27,2009, 5:35pm
melman's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 2,944

See profile

This is a spinoff from the "Wrong Answers to Questions" thread, where one of the ladies commented
wrote :
One of my first questions is If I had a bad day, what is the first thing you would do for me? My preferred answer for that is Rub your shoulders.
After awhile on eH, I began to realize that some of the First Questions really are not what they appear to be, and they do not deserve a straight answer. Remember that when you receive First Questions, that this is at least a sign that the match is interested in you. So now the game begins. Hopefully he/she will choose lighthearted conversation starters. There are many of these to choose from. The others are just odd things to be asking a stranger.

Some dive straight to Unhappy Places.
  • How often do you lose your temper?
  • If you had to characterize the end of most of your romantic relationships, they would be described as:
  • Which of the following quirks would bother you most about your partner?
  • When in a relationship, are you a jealous person?

Then my pet peeve - the manipulative questions. "If I had a bad day, what is the first thing you would do for me?" is among the worst of these. It asks you to imagine that you're already past all the eH stages, have met and dated, and are in a relationship, doesn't it? Instead of the match trying to attract your interest, it asks you to demonstrate your interest back to the match. This question is a big red flag to me. If I answer it in any serious way, it says that I accept the premise... and here, dear match, is what I'll do for you. I'll answer this question with a joke, probably based on something in her profile. I'm not going to promise to rub your shoulders, or anything else. That's just silly.

I have never been asked the "bad day" question, but here are some answers I've given to oddball questions:
Characterize the end of most of your romantic relationships: Oh no... are we breaking up already?
How many children would be ideal? Wow, you work fast.

Like I said, there are lots of "commitment-free" questions to ask as First Questions. What do you think?
Last edited by melman; August 27,2009 at 5:38pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
DDjr is offline DDjr Post #2  August 27,2009, 6:14pm
DDjr's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Dec 2008

Posts: 848

See profile

You're reading way too much into this! It's just a question! It's not specifically about the other person. It's just a general question about how you might try to empathize with your partner.
 
  Reply With Quote
cp30 is offline cp30 Post #3  August 27,2009, 6:18pm

has only threatened to give up

Power Poster

Joined: Dec 2007

Up in the NW corner somewhere, but not quite Canada :)

Posts: 7,750

See profile

I hate that question. (what would you do for me...)I consider the question in itself the first red flag! lol.
 
  Reply With Quote
LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #4  August 27,2009, 6:22pm

Unregistered

Joined: May 2008

SoCal

Posts: 7,705

See profile

Ha! Ha! I ask the break-up question. I can't remember my others but I am sure Mel would not like them.

I just think it is a quick and easy way to ask some of the things that I want to know about.

I don't care for the how do you feel for romance or would you rather do these things on a date questions but the majority of men asks those ones.

lol!
 
  Reply With Quote
LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #5  August 27,2009, 6:23pm

Unregistered

Joined: May 2008

SoCal

Posts: 7,705

See profile

Ohhh, I don't ask the what would you do for me but I never really thought it was a red flag when I got it. lol!!

Seriously, just answer the questions because probably what we are assuming about the person is incorrect.
 
  Reply With Quote
cp30 is offline cp30 Post #6  August 27,2009, 6:26pm

has only threatened to give up

Power Poster

Joined: Dec 2007

Up in the NW corner somewhere, but not quite Canada :)

Posts: 7,750

See profile

LizziePooh wrote :
Ohhh, I don't ask the what would you do for me but I never really thought it was a red flag when I got it. lol!!

Seriously, just answer the questions because probably what we are assuming about the person is incorrect.
I think it is, because I have to imagine we are in a relationship and I have feelings for the person, or know the person before I can answer that.

As it is, it's just a stranger and it feels forced to answer such a question.
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  August 27,2009, 6:27pm
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

DDjr wrote :
You're reading way too much into this! It's just a question! It's not specifically about the other person. It's just a general question about how you might try to empathize with your partner.
DDjr I rarely agree with you but on his one you are right on.
 
  Reply With Quote
DDjr is offline DDjr Post #8  August 27,2009, 6:33pm
DDjr's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Dec 2008

Posts: 848

See profile

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
DDjr I rarely agree with you but on his one you are right on.
 
  Reply With Quote
CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #9  August 27,2009, 6:33pm
CreolePrinces…'s Avatar

It is so complicated, ya'll, and it doesn't even have to be.

Virtuoso

Joined: May 2009

The Dirty South

Posts: 2,575

See profile

I didn't like the "What would you do for me" question, either, because it assumes that I should know what the other person likes almost. Some people like talking out anger/frustrations, while others would rather not talk about it at all and work it out in some other manner. So, if I was dating a talker, I'd talk about it. If I was dating an eater, I'd cook for him. If I was dating someone who loved to be babied, I'd pamper him. If I'm just getting to know a person, I wouldn't know how to answer this question. So, no answer is honest.
 
  Reply With Quote
CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #10  August 27,2009, 6:33pm
CreolePrinces…'s Avatar

It is so complicated, ya'll, and it doesn't even have to be.

Virtuoso

Joined: May 2009

The Dirty South

Posts: 2,575

See profile

I didn't like the "What would you do for me" question, either, because it assumes that I should know what the other person likes almost. Some people like talking out anger/frustrations, while others would rather not talk about it at all and work it out in some other manner. So, if I was dating a talker, I'd talk about it. If I was dating an eater, I'd cook for him. If I was dating someone who loved to be babied, I'd pamper him. If I'm just getting to know a person, I wouldn't know how to answer this question. So, no answer is honest.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« why? | Using eHarmony | open communication »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Wrong Answers to Questions flutefanatik Using eHarmony 12 December 23,2009 1:53pm
What do to when he isn't asking questions. elle918 Dating 21 August 6,2009 10:12pm
Am I doing something wrong? little_miss_sunshine213 Ask a Dating Expert 15 June 30,2009 2:33pm
I can never get to second questions! Dyveke23 Using eHarmony 11 June 27,2009 12:19pm
First Questions jeremydc Using eHarmony 9 May 28,2009 11:56am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Absolutely not. I have no idea why allowing gays to marry would affect anyone's lives, unless they're sexually insecure about themselves.” –  sun73

Join the “Did our President give up the election for a single issue?” discussion

“I learned that the woman's communication style has to fit mine or else it won't work.” –  sun73

Join the “Why do 40 yr olds still play games?” discussion

“Here's where to email if you think a match might be a fraud: matchconcerns@eharmony.com . Tell them the match's name and location so they can find them. If what's making you suspicious is an email ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Match from another country...is he a "fraud"?” discussion

“I know you clarified you just want a general opinion on when people bring this subject up, but I'm going to give you both that and also what I believe you should do. The general idea most of the ... ” –  Herkemer

Join the “When is it time to discuss your position on having kids?” discussion

“And that's a very valid point. I get the feeling that eHarmony is keeping their price high to show they they are not cheap and therefore, their members are serious.It seems to me that combining the ... ” –  MicMan

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“How long have you all been on EH? Thanks for the advice. I signed on in late April 2012 but have been on other dating sites in the past.” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “New Here” discussion

“The only one that bothers me is the "they weren't his kids so meh ..." But there could be a whole world of story behind that. Like "she dumped me and it was painful and I hated losing the kids in ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 2:09pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0