JDavid is offline JDavid Post #1  August 22,2009, 5:19pm
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Repeatedly these threads there are complaints about people not responding to contact, and extended discussions of why people do not respond. It is all pure speculation because we do NOT know with any certainty why people do what they do (or don't, as the case may be).

Even if someone specifies a reason for their action, that may be the "good" reason (put out for public consumption) rather than the real reason. Unless we have psychic abilities, we simply do not know the motivations of others. We can guess, but we can't know.

If I was inclined to ponder why a woman did not respond to my attempts to establish communication I might speculate that it is because I am:

1. Not a Christian (Ignostic – not Agnostic) and don't allow influence in my life or relationships from any of the thousands of proposed gods or spirits.
2. Inclined to wear my hair extremely short
3. Adorned with a beard in lieu of scraping my face
4. Too old or too young (70)
5. Too short or too tall
6. Obese (look at profile photos, which are current, then check 216 pounds at 5' 10.5" on height / weight charts)
7. Not willing to focus life upon grandchildren, pets or stray animals
8. Too outspoken
9. Not focused upon fun, laughter and comedy
10. Not attracted to commercial entertainment (including television, movies, music, automobile racing or spectator sports)
11. Unwilling to fund cruises or expensive vacations (or "refined tastes" of any kind)
12. Too specific about what it takes to make an equal partner for me
13. Not overly fond of dancing and fine dining
14. INTJ on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (difficult for some to associate)
15. Too little educated (or too much or wrong kind)
16. Without visible means of support (joyfully, creatively, job-free and wage-independent)
17. Not in upper socio-economic class or striving to get there
18. Not a motorcycle enthusiast
19. Disinclined to seek social approval
20. Too serious

ANY of the above and untold others could be valid (or invalid) reason for a woman to refuse to communicate with me. Is there any way for me to know exactly why? If not, why bother speculating?

Should it make a difference to me why any individual woman responds negatively? Do I care that the "Crazy Cat Lady" rejects me because I do not revere pets and stray animals? Or that a consummate grandmother is horrified that I don't have any interest in "the little darlings"? Or that a Christian lady rejects me because I don't worship in an approved fashion?

Does it make any difference that nearly everyone rejects for various reasons? I am looking for ONLY ONE equal partner who shares values and interests.
 
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BuzWeaver is offline BuzWeaver Post #2  August 22,2009, 6:30pm
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J, as a veteran user of EH the best advice I can give you is just be yourself. I've painstakingly structured my profile to be energetic, lightly humored and colorful, yet somewhat neutral and there will be someone that will close me with the message "Based on what was said in their profile".
 
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Spider is offline Spider Post #3  August 22,2009, 6:53pm
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Another INTJ here, and yeah, we're hard to live with.

You only need one good match; the rest are just the chaff to be winnowed. Our age group and (lack of) religious affiliation makes matches fewer and farther between, but they ARE out there. It's a numbers game. As you say, the reason for the close is irrelevant. One more bit of chaff out of the way.

(oh, re: your #1: if you set the religious preference as "very important", then you shouldn't be closed for that, as your matches should, well, match in that category. I was getting a lot of church-affiliated men in my matches, but once I set the preference, it filtered them out and left me with more suitable matches)
 
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Diann1950 is offline Diann1950 Post #4  August 22,2009, 7:18pm
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How about too wordy (just kidding) some of us do like to communicate more than others, I would like it if there was a way to say not just right now. I have trouble concentrating on more than a few individuals at a time and don't feel comfortable trying to juggle the communications. I could easily say the wrong or right thing to the wrong person.
 
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JodyC is offline JodyC Post #5  August 23,2009, 9:44am
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Great thought -- and lots of them! We really can't know, can we? Unless somebody tells the truth. And who does that? Not as many as we would like... but I do. Ooops. Not popular, then.

So I have to agree that all we are looking for is one perfect partner, and it make take awhile or it may never happen, and in the meantime, we must (a) stay true to who we are and what we believe and (b) accept life exactly as it is, with or without that partner.

The more determinedly rigid we are in our requirements, the fewer selections we will have. Is that a bad thing? And so, if we continue in that vein, we must accept what we get ... or don't get!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  August 23,2009, 7:52pm
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Spider wrote :
Another INTJ here, and yeah, we're hard to live with.

You only need one good match; the rest are just the chaff to be winnowed. Our age group and (lack of) religious affiliation makes matches fewer and farther between, but they ARE out there. It's a numbers game. As you say, the reason for the close is irrelevant. One more bit of chaff out of the way.

(oh, re: your #1: if you set the religious preference as "very important", then you shouldn't be closed for that, as your matches should, well, match in that category. I was getting a lot of church-affiliated men in my matches, but once I set the preference, it filtered them out and left me with more suitable matches)
I have never found myself very hard to live with
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  August 23,2009, 7:54pm
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Diann1950 wrote :
How about too wordy (just kidding) some of us do like to communicate more than others, I would like it if there was a way to say not just right now. I have trouble concentrating on more than a few individuals at a time and don't feel comfortable trying to juggle the communications. I could easily say the wrong or right thing to the wrong person.
You can turn matching off for a bit until you find that whoever you were communicating with either did not respond to First Questions or they poof.
 
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EMTZ is offline EMTZ Post #8  August 23,2009, 8:21pm
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Spider wrote :
Another INTJ here, and yeah, we're hard to live with.
That's interesting. I can see that most women find an INTJ guy hard to live with. However, as a female INTJ, I have found so many men feel lucky to be dating a female INTJ because we seem to think and function more like a guy.
 
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JDavid is offline JDavid Post #9  August 24,2009, 1:59am
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EMTZ wrote :
That's interesting. I can see that most women find an INTJ guy hard to live with. However, as a female INTJ, I have found so many men feel lucky to be dating a female INTJ because we seem to think and function more like a guy.
Interesting observation. I have been associated with such a woman -- and find it very appealing that she can "think and function more like a guy" in SOME ways, while retaining feminine appeal.
 
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