Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #41  August 30,2009, 3:48am
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DenimJohn wrote :
Now maybe I'm old fashioned in that I believe anyone who spends time and money in searching for a mate and who has a soul and feelings deserves an honest answer as to why I chose to close off the match. .
Ah, but you did get a honest answer. For whatever reason, she's just not interested.

It's not a big deal, because she has a right to her preferences, same as you.

Look at it as it's her loss, and that she saved you more time to try to find someone who IS interested in you.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #42  August 30,2009, 4:03am
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And really, do you want a girl to go into excrutiatingly painful detail of why she doesn't find you attractive or wants to go out with you? Hmmm?
 
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Fleuellen is offline Fleuellen Post #43  August 30,2009, 4:42am
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melman wrote :
Oh, calm down. (Didn't I already say that?)

Until eH provides a list with choices like
"Your profile bored me to tears."
"You can't write a coherent sentence."
"I can't be bothered by anyone who thinks 'The Secret' is an important book."

then "Other" is completely appropriate.

Come on, it's just closing a match and picking from a list. It's not a time to get all deep and worried about feelings.
Oh, EH please add the above; they're wonderful.
 
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WoolyOrl is offline WoolyOrl Post #44  August 30,2009, 5:10am
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DenimJohn wrote :
I've been a member of this community for about three years now and there is one thing that certain matches do that really bugs the !@#* out of me. People who use "other" when closing off a match. Now maybe I'm old fashioned in that I believe anyone who spends time and money in searching for a mate and who has a soul and feelings deserves an honest answer as to why I chose to close off the match. But apparently some people believe that common courtesy, respect and sensitivity are unnecessary in cyber-space because of the anonymity of the experience and the absence of one-on-one contact. Well, IF this is the kind of lazy person you are who chooses this option because it is the closest to the "close match" button, and you are a person who will take any opportunity to be callous, insensitive and selfish well then THANK YOU for closing off. I wouldn't want to get to know a lazy, narcissistic coward like you anyhow.
Like you, I need some additional selections:
1. You're too short
2. You're too tall
3. Your personality and mine don't mesh (I'm more extroverted, I'm more introverted, etc.).
4. I'm not physically attracted to you (it hurts, but it's honest).
5. You're too old
6. You're too young
7. Your profile was boring.

and my favorite:
8. You have a booger in your left nostril

I'm just sayin'....
 
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WoolyOrl is offline WoolyOrl Post #45  August 30,2009, 5:12am
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Spider wrote :
I'm pretty sure that EH doesn't consider it a lazy, impersonal, or generic reason, or they wouldn't have included it. (Do you really think the EH staff sat around a table and said, "We need to put in at least one insensitive and dismissive reason"?)

Yes, it can drive you nuts to be on the receiving end, but sometimes it might be the only one that's suitable. There have been others who've objected to the "I'd rather not say" or the "chemistry" one or the "values" one - really, they're all vague categories. It would bother me to not know exactly which "statements in my profile" were the cause, or which "values" didn't match - we can play guessing (and second-guessing) games with any of the reasons.

Someone once suggested that "other", being closest to the close button (is it?), is the easiest to click. Maybe so.

*shrug* Why does it really matter? The person isn't interested, they closed, and we move on to another match.
Okay, I'm gonna be serious now - they really SHOULD leave an open comment section available. The truth hurts, but we're supposed to be honest on EH, so... I would be honest and constructively critical with them. If they don't want to know, don't click on the "closed message" section.
 
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MMingE is offline MMingE Post #46  September 3,2009, 7:03am
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I usually try to have fun with people who close me out using "Other." I always send the "I Really Felt Like We Had Potential" message or "I think we met.." to them and if they decide to re-open me, then I close them out using other. It might seem stupid but I noticed something about these "Other" closers. If they re-open you, they never really tend to go anywhere and they give you a quick hook ie: They usually close you out if there's one small thing that they don't find compatible with you.
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #47  September 3,2009, 7:21am
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if you give a reason other than "other" you are making it up. you don't know squat about the match. you've never interacted. you don't even know if you didn't feel like it because you missed lunch or if it's really them.
 
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gccateyes is offline gccateyes Post #48  September 3,2009, 7:58am
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other really bothers me, too, for the same reasons as the original poster. some of you made valid arguments, but...honestly, what you're really saying is, "i would like to pursue other matches at eharmony." i feel like that's way more innocuous. with "other"...it's like a neon flashing sign saying, "it's because you're too _________"
 
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DeBrown is offline DeBrown Post #49  September 3,2009, 8:36am
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Hi,

I am not an insensitive person at all. I'm not a loser nor am I self-centered. I do care about other people's feelings, even when I do not know them personally. I am one of those people that everyone describes as "sweet" or "nice." (Frankly I'd like to hear something different once in a while! LOL)

Having said that, I closed two matches this morning with "other."

Why? For the same reason as those above have stated. None of the other options fit.

You stated you will put something untrue down just to avoid using "other." Why? I would not do that because I try to live a life of rigorous integrity. If it's NOT because based on statements in their profile I do not want to pursue this match. It's because of.... other reasons. Reasons not covered in the choices we are given. Not even closely related to the choices we are given.

I personally don't give it a second thought when a man closes me out with "other" or with anything else for that matter. I always figure "no chemistry" is code for "you're fat" because really how can there be chemistry between two people who have never met? But I like myself, I am confident in myself, and I don't need a complete stranger to validate me.

It's not personal at all. It really isn't. You're not rejecting a person, you're declining a photo and a form profile. I rejected a match this morning because the gentleman is 6'6". I am 5'1". He may very well be the most wonderful man in the world. I will never know, because I made the choice not to try to get to know him based on a physical characteristic- his height. There is no category for that. No "too tall" or even a more generic "I dislike a certain physical characteristic." To me, "no chemistry" doesn't work, because how do I know? If I met him, I might be madly attracted to him! Nevertheless, it is absolutely my prerogative to decline a match based on that. Just as many men decline my match because my photo clearly shows that I am very overweight. I don't take it personally. If they don't like me as I am, then well I am glad we didn't waste our time getting to know each other.

I hope this makes sense. It is still early and I have not had my morning coffee! LOL

Anyway, I hope this answers your question. Good luck to you and try not to let it bug you if you get the dreaded "other." Knowing what exactly the problem was would never solve things anyway, right? Have a great day!! :-)
 
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View is offline View Post #50  September 3,2009, 9:52am
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Sometimes you just need a friend and not a relationship. You see the potential in someone and you want more, but they don't give you that chance. I was probably guily of that.

I think that eHarmony is on the right track for getting people together, but I think they need to get more involved with us the customers and monitor when someone is taking to long to get back to someone

That's all
 
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