A thousand and one and counting!!!!


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Teacherman25 is offline Teacherman25 Post #1  August 18,2009, 10:27pm
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My closed matches just reached 1001 today. About 900 of those matches have been closed by me. Does anyone else think this number is incredibly high? Keep in mind, I believe that most of these matches are the "free-weekend window shoppers", but it just seems so high to me. I have been on EH for about 4 months now and when I started I already had about 200 closed from a previous attempt at EH. Do you think my match settings are too liberal? I tried to be as open as possible with them. It has helped me meet some really promising matches. Any opinions or advice for me?
thanks!

ps- I am receiving no less than 10 matches per day and usually no more than around 20.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  August 19,2009, 5:47am
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I have been on eHarmony much longer than you and have over 1200 closed matches. But I don't get 10 to 20 per day either.

You say that you have your match settings set liberally however you seem to be rather quick to close based on assumptions and profiles. If you are not going to be interested in trying to find out about your matches then it would seem that maybe you have your settings to liberal. Or you could try contacting more of your matches and see just who would respond. Who knows some of the ones that you decided were non-paying may actually be paying members and if you met them you may find that they are better than their ability to write a profile. At the very least you may have a fun date and learn something about yourself or someone else.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #3  August 19,2009, 7:19am
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10-20 matches a day? Wow, that does seem a lot. When i was on EH, I was getting 6 - 8 a day, but every one of those was within commuting distance for me. I'm not sure why you are closing 90% of them, but i'm sure you have your reasons. Me, I probably closed 50% of my 1000 matches, but only AFTER I initiated communication and there was no response. I probably only outrightly closed maybe 50 of those matches off the start, but there was rarely a reason I would close like that. Most of the 50 was distance since i won't attempt a LDR. LDR means something NOT in commuting range, giving me about a 60 mile radius.

I guess because of my liberalness, I went out on many dates with different women and did end up with someone I will spend the rest of my life with. It took me 6 months total to find her.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #4  August 19,2009, 9:13am

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Hi Teacherman25,

I can appreciate that you would start to look at those numbers and question your approach, but from everything we know about how settings work, you are on the right track! As you said, it’s better to err on the too-open side and close the matches that really aren’t going to work than to rule them out all together and forfeit an opportunity to meet someone remarkable. Many of the couples who’ve found each other through eHarmony report that their ultimate match was outside a “preferred” setting.

And with that, here’s a little plug – the other host, Renee, and I have written some articles that might give some insight into this:

Using eHarmony: 5 Must Read Tips

Online Dating: Top 5 Tips for Using eHarmony

Regarding knowing when to close, you might find it helpful to consult your personal Must Haves and Can’t Stands, and then when you get a match who “violates” these requirements, it’s quite appropriate to close the match – this is a courtesy to both you and her. It may seem cheesy, but it’s still true: the more closed matches you have, the closer you are to finding the right one.

Good luck, Teacherman25!

~Kate
eHarmony Advice Host
 
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #5  August 19,2009, 4:03pm
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I'm probably around 1800 - maybe more - I don't really look at the failure number!
 
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passat1 is offline passat1 Post #6  August 20,2009, 8:28am
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate wrote :
Hi Teacherman25,


Regarding knowing when to close, you might find it helpful to consult your personal Must Haves and Can’t Stands, and then when you get a match who “violates” these requirements, it’s quite appropriate to close the match – this is a courtesy to both you and her.

~Kate
eHarmony Advice Host
This is not right. I think it's all about negotiate, negotiate, negotiate, try to make compromise! What you ( Kate) suggesting is negative way of thinking- Seek what is different about your matches and destroy them.
I think every person is unique, there are no people that are all alike. Is that what Eharmony is for - look for your lost twin brother/sister?
Earlier was mentioned - communicate with all your matches and now is suggested - No don't communicate- eliminate them from the communication. Overall that leads to nowhere, just adds to more dissatisfied customers who tried the product eharmony delivered to them.
 
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Teacherman25 is offline Teacherman25 Post #7  August 20,2009, 4:45pm
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I think most of the people posting on this thread are making some very good points. I will say this (somewhat in my defense)..... I am and have always been an extremely picky person when it comes to the women I date. I would never settle for someone I wasn't completely in to just to "have a girlfriend". So, if there is something on their profile that is completely against a belief or hobby of mine, I close them. I am a 25 year old teacher (obviously from the SN) and I find it very hard to believe that I am going to have a lot in common with a 21 year girl that puts her occupation as "drinking and partying".... Maybe Im being too judgmental, but I believe when someone puts something like that on her profile, it speaks volumes about where the person is going and/or where the person has been.
Also, just to be totally honest. about 30-40% of the matches I close don't have a picture. I don't even ask for one. If you don't have a picture posted, you don't get a chance. To me, it means you are either 1)ugly.....2)shy and self conscious......3)playing games to see if the guy will ask for it........
and, in my opinion, none of those are okay for a great relationship.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #8  August 21,2009, 6:47am
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Teacherman25 wrote :
I think most of the people posting on this thread are making some very good points. I will say this (somewhat in my defense)..... I am and have always been an extremely picky person when it comes to the women I date. I would never settle for someone I wasn't completely in to just to "have a girlfriend". So, if there is something on their profile that is completely against a belief or hobby of mine, I close them. I am a 25 year old teacher (obviously from the SN) and I find it very hard to believe that I am going to have a lot in common with a 21 year girl that puts her occupation as "drinking and partying".... Maybe Im being too judgmental, but I believe when someone puts something like that on her profile, it speaks volumes about where the person is going and/or where the person has been.
Also, just to be totally honest. about 30-40% of the matches I close don't have a picture. I don't even ask for one. If you don't have a picture posted, you don't get a chance. To me, it means you are either 1)ugly.....2)shy and self conscious......3)playing games to see if the guy will ask for it........
and, in my opinion, none of those are okay for a great relationship.
I think you might be a tad judgmental, but i think more that you're making assumptions you shouldn't.

My six months with eharmony have taught me this. What you read on a profile is many times NOT the real person. Its a mere shadow of their writing style and their projection of who they want to be.

The reason I take the shotgun approach and just communicate with everyone is because its something new. I've learned in myself that what I thought was a "must have", turned out to not really be that important. And some of the things that i thought I "couldn't stand", was really not that important either. Also, if i meet up with a date and no sparks fly, what have i lost? I'm still in the same place i was the day before. BUT if sparks did occur, then i would have had a great time. I wouldn't have had that chance if i didn't take the chance to begin with.

Also, my experience with EH is that the matches i thought "wow" turned out to be a letdown and the matches that I was indifferent with, turned out to be the best. The match I ended up with and discussing marriage with, didn't even have a picture.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #9  August 21,2009, 6:52am
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Naw, I had about 1406 closed matches in about a year, so the numbers aren't that big of a deal.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #10  August 21,2009, 6:54am
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Though on the other hand, I was a bit more open with the pictures... what I did was I'd open communication and send a icebreaker about the photos too... then if they didn't respond in 2 weeks, I'd close them with the option "did not respond to communication" and "did not have any photos."
 
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