Why do they suggest the first call be short


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K_D is offline K_D Post #1  August 18,2009, 9:59pm
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I was just reading Dr.Warrens message, and it said to keep the first phone call to 15 minutes or less.

Is it a bad idea if two people keep the converstaion going longer?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  August 19,2009, 6:13am
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No it is not a bad thing.

It is recommended to keep the first conversations short and casual so as not to overwhelm, and to go away wanting more. Later on in the relationship you can have the phone on the pillow until we fall asleep conversations.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  August 19,2009, 8:26am
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When people are first meeting you or talking to you without actually knowing you, they are hyper sensitive to any kind of a flaw or oddity or anything that's not quite right that you may have. It's really the most judgemental stage of a relationship and the point at which the other person is most likely to take something you said the wrong way, jump to the wrong conclusion and flee.

So, the longer you talk, the more likely you are going to say something that will seem off color or get into a topic you should not discuss quite yet. So it's better to learn about each other in smaller doses and more over time so that things that you say become more in context and less likely to cause the other person to jump to random conclusions and flee.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #4  August 19,2009, 9:31am

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Hi K_D,

Of course, this is a guideline, and not a hard and fast rule, but it’s truly good advice from Dr. Warren! One thing you want to keep in mind is that talking on the phone that first time is still the stage of information gathering more than bonding. It is possible to feeling a strong chemistry with a match over the phone only to find out relatively soon that there are deal breakers that would prevent a happy long-lasting relationship from developing.

It is easy to get carried away by that feeling of the click and get prematurely attached by delving into long conversation quickly. So keeping the beginning meetings light and limited is all a part of using your time and energy wisely and safely. If one or both of you realize that the relationship doesn’t have the potential that you originally had hoped, it is easier to break things off if you haven’t invested as much up front.

All the best, K_D!

~Kate
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #5  August 19,2009, 4:07pm
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My experience has been that in the first or second phone call, if the calls ran over one hour, I never heard from the person again.

What I believe is happening is that the conversations are wandering too close to areas that should be avoided for a while.
 
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