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WoolyOrl WoolyOrl is offline
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sheerpictures wrote :
When you're skimming a person's written info, what do you see that makes you want to close a match instantly?

As someone who has closed many matches and who has been closed by many matches, I am curious to see why others choose to cross people off their list of potentials.

After all, although there are a few basic "Do's" and "Don't's" involved in filling out your Introductory Information, profile evaluation is very subjective. I don't think there is a universal Ideal Profile. Different people are attracted and repelled by different qualities.

There are two things that make me close a match almost instantly.

1. Poor or sloppy writing. As an English teacher and a lover of literature, I can't help but recoil when there are glaring spelling mistakes or clunky sentences.

2. Even more stomach-churning than grammar mess-ups is banality. When people answer questions with meaningless declarations like "I am passionate about living life to the fullest!" or hybrids of various cliches such as "Life is full of its ups and downs so I always pick myself up and start again and have great hopes for the future" or bemusing run-on sentences in the manner of, "I am hoping to better myself every day and gain new experiences and knowledge that will help me better able to support my family, friends, and future partner and become more successful at my job," I start popping Pepto-Bismol.

Men who sound like fortune cookies or inspirational Christian bookmarks = not sexy.

Men who sound creative & quirky = sexy.

What about you? Why close a match? What does he or she write, or how does he or she write, that turns you off?
1. I immediately close matches without a photo. I won't even look at the profile. In my mind, no photo = hiding something OR jaded about guys. Please, men are visual creatures. If she can't understand that then she and I will never be a good match.

2. The photos are all stuffy, or dominated by pics of her with her kids. Again... I realize that if you have kids then it's a package deal, but you're trying to get me into a romantic relationship - not into being a replacement Daddy. 1 pic with the child/children, MAXIMUM.

3. If, in her profile, she comes across with anything close to an attitude or a "hey, you'd be lucky to be with me... grovel, pig!". Attitude alert, otherwise known as HM (High Maintenance).

Those are my immediate gut reactions. I end up closing 80% of my matches within 15 seconds, and I've never doubted that decision.
- September 4th, 2009, 06:58 am
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sharobo sharobo is offline
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Illiteracy! If he cannot spell and doesn't read at all, I close the match. He doesn't have to type a perfect profile, but it shouldn't be full of typos and poorly constructed sentences.

I also cannot abide the typical cliches like "passionate about living life to it's fullest". Oh, please. There must be other things about which you are passionate.
- September 4th, 2009, 07:05 am
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gracie0175 gracie0175 is offline
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Where shall I begin. Lets just make this easy and make it a list.

1. No photo. Instant close usually. Please, we all know that in the long run looks are not as important but get onboard, they ARE in the beginning. Attraction is even common in the animal world and they are way less complicated than us!
2. Capital letters to answer questions. I dont even read those. It hurts my eyes and feels like someone is yelling at me. Take the time to TYPE it out appropriately.
3. Bad grammar
4. All the negative traits you do not want in a partner. If I see a lot of that in a profile, then I see the person as not moved on from their past relationships and carrying tons of negative energy. NEXT.
5. Incomplete profiles. If you do not have the time to complete, then I doubt you have the time for a relationship or even a date. Maybe laziness? Ambiguity? At any rate, a complete turn off.
6. IF you have a photo of you and some unidentified person of the opposite sex I think to myself, you either are not over that person or too lazy to crop a photo. Either way, a big fat zing. Oh, and labeling it as a "friend" doesn't work either. Lazy or player. Take your choice.
7. If you have dead animals of any kind in your photos, seriously, need I say more? Gross.
8. If you mention sex in several places in your profile/must haves, cant stands, then I suggest match.com. Not eHarmony.

These are just a few thoughts on why I close out individuals faster you can turn around. Happy eHarmonying!!
- September 4th, 2009, 07:09 am
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eyemsapient eyemsapient is offline
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I agree with the obvious choices mentioned several times here:

1) No photo. A photo too small to see, or only showing you from the neck up is still "no photo".
2)Bad grammar/spelling like a text message. You are gone if you don't know the difference between "complement" and "compliment", or if you don't even try to form words or sentences (u know who u r lol).
3) Bitterness virtually vomited out over the keyboard. I am not your ex. I know you don't want cheaters and liars and men who don't bathe.

My own personal list includes anyone who refers to being "down to earth". That seems to be code for "I don't wear anything but jeans and a sweatshirt". Also, I've found such a direct correlation between cat owners and a personality type that I can't stand, I am on the verge of closing anyone who mentions cats. They are definitely gone immediately if they include a photo of their cat, whether or not the cat is wearing a little kitty birthday party hat in the photo.
- September 4th, 2009, 07:15 am
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ClassicCurls ClassicCurls is offline
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eH_Advice_Host_Renee wrote :
Hi huckleberryhound and Everyone,

Your first two turn-offs are certainly understandable and shared by many members.

However, I do want to share that it can take some members a few days and even weeks to really develop an engaging About Me page and/or post photos. Using our site is a learning process in the beginning; so, if a match doesn't have a completed About Me page or doesn't have photos posted, I wanted to chime in and encourage members to give this match a little time to get their profile together before closing communication. Also, don't forget about photo nudges!
I have made it an unofficial policy to not even look at a profile until about a week after I receive the match. I understand it takes awhile to really round out your profile, but if you haven't at least put a few sentences and found one half-decent picture of you in a week, you're probably not really trying.

Spelling/grammar/typos: This has been brought up by many people already and I really don't understand how it is still a problem. Just about every Dos/Don'ts article/forum on the site says to be sure to proof-read. One or two typos, okay everyone makes mistakes. More than that and again, you're not really trying.

Pictures with other women: I'm sure you think your smile looks best in the picture that you have of you with the Coors Light girl, but that's not what I want to see. If the girl is your sister/cousin/whatever, put that in the caption. If you really don't have any good pictures of you without your ex, get a friend to take a couple new ones and post those.

Another one that I don't think has been mentioned is vague professions. I understand the need for privacy, but since most people spend the majority of their time at work, it's probably a major factor in their life. I've gotten matches that say "health care profession." Are you a radiologist or an accountant or the guy who takes out the trash at the end of the night?
- September 4th, 2009, 07:16 am
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PopeAlexVI PopeAlexVI is offline
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I can certainly agree that no photo plus a half-filled profile is NOT ACCEPTABLE. I close those instantly. You don't show up for a dinner with shoes untied and no shirt, right? And you don't show up at eharmony half-prepared either! I have had a couple of occasioins where the matches in question have sent me a "final" message so that I can reopen if I want. In those cases, they have finished their profiiles and added pictures. But I do believe that the better approach is to have a complete description at the outset.

Poor grammar and spelling are also turn-offs, since I am looking for an educated, stimulating woman who is serious not only about presenting herself, but also about finding a relationship. Such a woman will take time and effort to build a well-crafted and interesting profile. Another piece of advice: avoid the old-style "telegram" approach of using all capital letters in your statements! I don't close matches out for this reason, but this style looks to me as if you are yelling at me -- that you're afraid I'm not paying attention to you. Is there a problem somewhere?? There probably isn't, but my reflex reaction to this text is to flinch.

As to the banal, "Xerox" profiles, I find that most of the profiles are this way to a large extent. If I were to close out all such matches, I would have quite a short list! My approach is to let these matches sit, and if one of them contacts me, I do a personal evaluation in deciding whether to close it out or pursue it. If I pursue the match, I carefully check the answers to my questions, especially those in the second set. Here I demand more meaning and individuality. Here is where I am supposed to be getting to know the person. If I get answers that appear to dodge and hide, I get a bad taste.

Anyway, that's my 2 cents worth.
- September 4th, 2009, 07:17 am
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Men who sound like inspirational Christian postcards may not sound sexy but you may be deceived. I once dated a man from here who was a deacon in his church, lead the choir and had a large family. He was also a player.
- September 4th, 2009, 07:18 am
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usmcdjb usmcdjb is offline
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This is just me personally.

1. All caps, or no caps. I'm not a literary perfectionist, and my sentence structure isn't perfect, but I try. It's not that hard.
2. Obvious religious fanatic. OK, any mention about how important God is to you.
3. The mention of a herd of animals that are part of your family.
4. Pictures that obviously have an ex cut out of them.
5. And sometimes, it's just a general gut feeling based on the content.
- September 4th, 2009, 07:18 am
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usmcdjb usmcdjb is offline
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texastee wrote :
"I want a woman who can go from ball gown to ball cap."

What does that mean?

I think it means someone who is diverse - equally comfortable dressing for and attending a very casual event, or a much ritzier type of affair.
- September 4th, 2009, 07:21 am
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maree843 maree843 is offline
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the criteria in scanning profiles for me is to see IF it reads like they are really interested in finding someone - its the old adage "words matching actions" .

if the profile first waxes poetic on how they are so ready to find the love of their and walk hand in hand............yada yada yada......
then the list of what they cant live without .......starts with TV segues into some type of diet beverage ..........then that tells me 'no' too one dimensional to explore.

another thing is mispelling - use spell check on a word doc before you cut and paste that into EH - or have EH build in a spellchecker as folks fill out their profiles and what's up with the caps lock.

I won't disregard a profile that appears incomplete but I admit I hesitate - I do think there needs to be choice as to why you closed it that it was not completely filled out. then the owner can see that and maybe think 'oh I need to add more'

one thing that would be nice to have a search feature with the closed profiles instead of having to go one by one -
- September 4th, 2009, 07:25 am
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