Miss_Agnes is offline Miss_Agnes Post #231  September 6,2009, 9:29am
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Excellent topic, had thought about it for a long time and see that others are the same opinion about turn -offs:
- no photo/bad photo/just one photo. Photos taken by web cam, cell phone, blurry ones, with exes, group pics only, with their expensive cars/boats, with kids or animals only;
- they mention their kids are their world. Hello, then why do you need me in your life???
- they mention sex all the time and show sings of vanity;
- their photos clearly show they do not care about their looks or hygiene;
- they cannot live without their animals or have 5 dogs and a whole zoo at home;
- they mention God way too much, although I am a Christian, too;
- incomplete profile;
- I close matches that do not respond or initiate in 1 week, my experience shows, it saves time. I almost never initiate anymore because men never were interested, I figured they need to start. I do not have stereotypes, it is just something I learned in my experience, if he is interested, he will communicate, if not-no. Me emailing him will not help, I send one email and period.
- I close profiles that really state completely opposite political beliefs.
- I close those whose MH/CS are opposite than mine.
 
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stinkerbell is offline stinkerbell Post #232  September 6,2009, 10:14am
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eyemsapient wrote :
I agree with the obvious choices mentioned several times here:

1) No photo. A photo too small to see, or only showing you from the neck up is still "no photo".
2)Bad grammar/spelling like a text message. You are gone if you don't know the difference between "complement" and "compliment", or if you don't even try to form words or sentences (u know who u r lol).
3) Bitterness virtually vomited out over the keyboard. I am not your ex. I know you don't want cheaters and liars and men who don't bathe.

My own personal list includes anyone who refers to being "down to earth". That seems to be code for "I don't wear anything but jeans and a sweatshirt". Also, I've found such a direct correlation between cat owners and a personality type that I can't stand, I am on the verge of closing anyone who mentions cats. They are definitely gone immediately if they include a photo of their cat, whether or not the cat is wearing a little kitty birthday party hat in the photo.
Whoa, I think that you should check YOUR bitterness level. Why so much hatred toward cats? Perhaps the ex had cats? I've got two that keep the mice population in my barn to a minimum. Is that OK?
 
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Thaliana1981 is offline Thaliana1981 Post #233  September 6,2009, 10:36am
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Wonders if she's revealing too much about herself too quickly...

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Thank you guys...long before I actually joined eha, I was reading this thread and changed my profile to avoid some MAJOR pitfalls here.

But regarding the cat thing, I have to weigh in. I'm allergic to cats. Big time. Someone who puts that he can't live without their little feline friend, or mentions their cat multiple times in their profile, or has multiple pictures of themselves with their cat on their bed with them (one profile had all of the above and more), isn't someone I'm going to see much hope with, even if the rest of the profile sounds like he's 'the one'.

In the past, I've been in a live-in relationship with a man, who owns a cat who slept on the bed, and loved sleeping on my face. For eight months, not even 24 hour Claritin taken 2X a day could make me feel better.

So I'd rather not see kitties, personally. I love cats. I just can't be with someone who they are 'the world' for.

Now, my true pet peeves are similar to ones listed here. Guys who say multiple times how important sex is to them. Once, okay, I get it. I wanted to put it somewhere in MY profile, because I am very comfortable with myself, and love sex, to be honest. But I didn't want every guy looking for an easy lay to come my way and be disappointed.

This last one isn't a profile pet-peeve, but an eh pet peeve.

I know a great guy on eharmony. We live close to each other, we have loads in common, our personalities are compatible. I know this because he's my best friend, and seldom do we get on each other's nerves, even after going camping and spending a week in each other's exclusive company. Instead of sending me matches like him, I get musicians and financial advisers. Oh, and students, and guys who are shorter than me. I'm sure there are lots of guys out there shorter than me who are great. (I'm 5'11") But the chemistry would have to be incredible for me to date someone I'd tower over again. Oh, and tons of 'flexible' matches. WHY can't I get matched with someone I'm actually interested in...
 
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ming_on_mongo is offline ming_on_mongo Post #234  September 6,2009, 10:45am
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stinkerbell wrote :
I agree that there are folks who are touchy at the mere mention of the word "sex". I'm only touchy about it (as I'm sure most women are) when a man is obviously obsessed with it. I recently had a match ask me in his first written set of questions how often I like to have sex. Ugh. I closed that match immediately. Being asked something that personal by a virtual stranger is creepy, creepy, CREEPY.

MEN LISTEN UP: A woman who is intelligent and worth your time knows that you want to have sex. She is more than happy to give you as much of as you want only AFTER some time has gone by and she's gotten to know you.

Michiganer is right when he says that men who lead with that foot limit their chances with most women.
Understood re: "obsessed", etc. and I'm not sure that's even about sex, as much as it's about someone just being too ignorant or disrespectful of commonsense boundaries and behavior.

But I think that our complaints can also say alot about our own attitudes and preferences about sex. For example, I would never expect (or even want) someone to "give me sex", anymore than I want them to "give me" fun, communication, love, whatever. Just personally, the notion of women as "givers of sex" and men as "receivers" seems kinda dated. So "Share" or "Have"...yes, but "Give" suggests entitlement, "specialness" and privilege on the part of the "giver" and that they're really bestowing some sort of "favor". That may even be a fine arrangement for some "traditionalists" out there, but it just ain't my idea of a good (or equitable) relationship.
Last edited by ming_on_mongo; September 6,2009 at 10:54am.
 
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cornfedwhiteboy is offline cornfedwhiteboy Post #235  September 6,2009, 11:22am
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Must have a photo.

I'm leery of anyone who can not answer these two questions intelligently:

What is something about you that only your friends know?
You do understand that eHarmony is not asking for some deep, dark personal secret, right? No one expects you to give up the launch codes. Boy, the number of "If I told you, it wouldn't be a secrets" and "Get to know me and you'll find outs" that I've seen makes me wonder what could possibly be in your closet. Do you think you're being clever? I would estimate that 80% of all female profiles I see have some version of this. No one expects you to answer, "I only orgasm when I..." or "I killed a man in Reno just to watch him die." There are plenty of thoughtful, genuine, and intelligent ways to answer this.

Things I could not live without:
  • iPod, Cell phone, internet. Seriously? Seriously. Humans have been living on this planet for thousands of years and these things only came into common use within the last ten...but you would DIE without them?!? Come on. Google some advice on things that are actually important
  • My Pet. Are you only planning on living for 10-15 years? Because guess what? Fido ain't gonna make it!
 
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marguitar is offline marguitar Post #236  September 6,2009, 11:47am
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Tons of good profile thoughts so far, most with which I agree completely.
One I haven't seen yet that will make me close at lightning speed for fear of suffocation...
What are you passionate about? (I have received several variations of the following)
I am most passionate about making sure the lady in my life has all the time, attention, love, adoration, ________ (insert preferred word indicating smothering here) that I can possibly give her.
Holy cow! Please remember that most, if not all, women today prefer to be autonomous, even within a relationship, and do not need you to "give" them anything!
 
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nec240 is offline nec240 Post #237  September 6,2009, 4:10pm
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Great topic!

Here's my very long addition to this thread, including suggestions from others, whose names I included in [brackets]. Sorry if I forgot to give credit anywhere, I wasn't planning on writing a book when I started on this.

I automatically close matches with the following:

- Sloppy writing. Common confusions: Its/It's, your/you're, there/their/thier. Misspellings: independent/independant. Made up words: Irregardless. ALL CAPS, or no caps. Texting abbreviations ("u no wat i mean"). "Sentences with 'women' in place of 'woman:' 'I am a well-adjusted women,' for example." [DesertAries]

- Banal, cliche, trite, boring answers. "I am passionate about living life to the fullest"

- No photo. Unless the rest of your profile is outstanding, that's an automatic close. If you sound very interesting, your profile draws me in, and you don't have a photo, I'll nudge and give you a week to reply.

- Tiny photo. I click to see the full size picture, and it's still too small to actually see any details. Tip: Post at least two recent pictures. A face shot, where I can see all the ugly details (I have them, too), and a tasteful body shot, where I can see what kind of shape you're in.

- "Sexy" photo. If you have ten photos up, and one is of you in a bikini, great. If you have three pictures, and all three are of you showing your cleavage, no thanks. I'm looking for a soul mate, not a hookup. If you look hot, that's awesome, but it shouldn't be all about your looks. Not in eH, anyway.

- Your photo with your much more attractive friend(s) [supahguy] It makes me want to date your friend(s).

- Photo next to car, motorcycle, or boat. Okay, you own a vehicle, or you really enjoy a vehicle. Fantastic. You're so cool. Nothing wrong with said methods of transportation, just don't include a photo of it, since it'll imply things I don't like.

- Photo of you drinking, holding a drink, or involved in a goofy drinking-related activity (e.g. wearing a "St. Patrick's 2009!" hat). Yes, you clearly enjoy drinking and you want me to think that you are a fun person. Ehh, not really. You're trying too hard. I drink socially, and enjoy alcohol, but I don't want you to think I'm addicted to anything.

- "You'll find out once you're my friend."
"You'll have to become my friend first".
"Get to know me and find out!"
"If I told you that it wouldn't be something that only my best friends know!"
[melman] said "It's an opportunity for you to say something unique about yourself, and show your personality and sense of humor." I agree.

- "I'll tell you later." Actually, no you won't, since I'm closing you now.

- Last book you read: "Eat, Pray, Love" [Mooky] or "The Kite Runner". Great, you like to read bestsellers. Now tell me why you liked this book. "Because Oprah recommended it" doesn't count.

- Vague professions, like "Health care profession". Don't hide your job. Be proud, at least you have a job. As long as you have an honest job, I don't care what your title is. I'm looking for someone who's financially independent, but the actual job could be nearly anything.

- Things you can't live without: air, water, etc. Right. Me too! And everyone else on this planet! Sometimes you can't take things literally. Now, tell me something that you "can't live without," meaning "makes you very happy", that maybe is different from something I would put on my list. Preferably something that would make me want to know more about you.

- "Shopping" as a hobby. Match closed. Most guys will read that and think you're shallow, or that you're looking for someone to finance your habit. Big turn off. I personally can't stand 95% of shopping.

- "Watching TV" as a hobby. I enjoy watching some shows, but there's a lot more about me I'd rather you know, first. List something more exciting, quirky, or exotic. Even stamp collecting would impress me more than watching TV. To me, watching TV is the default activity you do if there's nothing else going on. Way too passive...

- Stealth kids. Mention that you have children, how many you have, and what age group(s) they fall into. This shouldn't be something you'll drop on your match later. This is important stuff. The whole profile doesn't have to be about how much you love your kids, and how they are the most important thing in your life. I'll assume that. Mention them once, twice tops. That's enough. Talk about other aspects of your life on the rest of the profile. There's got to be more about you than your kids.

- Pets. Mention them once. That's enough. I'll assume you love them very much. Talk about other aspects of your life on the rest of the profile. There's got to be more about you than your pets.

- Jesus. Yes, you love Jesus. That's wonderful. I'm a Christian, and my faith is important to me, too, but don't waste valuable profile space repeatedly telling me about your religion. Personally, I don't care if you're Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, or whatever. The important thing to me is that you are a person of faith. Mention your religion, if it's important to you, and move on. Don't harp on about it. Amen.

- Multiple references to being physically fit and working out. [IndyLady] Being healthy is one thing, being body-obsessed and narcissistic about it is a scary other.

I think that's almost all of my filters. Surprisingly, I found my girlfriend in eH.
 
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AngelBaby7 is offline AngelBaby7 Post #238  September 6,2009, 10:52pm
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Men who post pictures where they are not smiling. One guy had 4 photos and not a one with even a pleasant look on his face. I want someone who is happy not down in the mouth. It also makes me wonder if they have bad teeth.
 
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Nylit is offline Nylit Post #239  September 7,2009, 8:27am
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I have to agree that saying you can't live without sex is not something to put on a profile iffff your looking for a committed sincere relationship. That sounds like a cheesy comment heard in a bar,, "Hey baby, you know I can't live without sex, wanna make me come alive?"
I think most everyone wants or likes or loves sex but,, its just not something that needs to be on your profile.
And the word sex is not abhorrent to me, but there are better places to talk about it and the right time also. If your looking for that kind of a relationship try BootyCall Online.
 
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lumiveistos is offline lumiveistos Post #240  September 7,2009, 8:51am
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Nec240,
thanks for a great humorous reply, and I agree about those peeves.
I also had a good laugh, especially about the Jesus comment. and about the vehicles (I wrote about my dislike of exposed vehicles earlier). A propos, I have a bicycle grandma style but haven't fitted it into my picture. The cat in my picture is not mine and does not mean a world to me, ha ha!
Here in Europe we don't follow what Oprah recommends, but I can recommend a hilarious book by Lynne Truss: "Eats Shoots & Leaves" (about the zero tolerance approach to punctuation).
Last but not least, I have given up on the "profiles" and "matches" - except that I did find a writer in California eight years ago, and we are still writing to each other twice a week!
Anyway, I love to follow some of these "threads" and responses.
Good luck to all of you enterprising characters. Regards from Belgium,
Lumiveistos
 
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