Great topic!

Here's my very long addition to this thread, including suggestions from others, whose names I included in [brackets]. Sorry if I forgot to give credit anywhere, I wasn't planning on writing a book when I started on this.

I automatically close matches with the following:

- Sloppy writing. Common confusions: Its/It's, your/you're, there/their/thier. Misspellings: independent/independant. Made up words: Irregardless. ALL CAPS, or no caps. Texting abbreviations ("u no wat i mean"). "Sentences with 'women' in place of 'woman:' 'I am a well-adjusted women,' for example." [DesertAries]

- Banal, cliche, trite, boring answers. "I am passionate about living life to the fullest"

- No photo. Unless the rest of your profile is outstanding, that's an automatic close. If you sound very interesting, your profile draws me in, and you don't have a photo, I'll nudge and give you a week to reply.

- Tiny photo. I click to see the full size picture, and it's still too small to actually see any details. Tip: Post at least two recent pictures. A face shot, where I can see all the ugly details (I have them, too), and a tasteful body shot, where I can see what kind of shape you're in.

- "Sexy" photo. If you have ten photos up, and one is of you in a bikini, great. If you have three pictures, and all three are of you showing your cleavage, no thanks. I'm looking for a soul mate, not a hookup. If you look hot, that's awesome, but it shouldn't be all about your looks. Not in eH, anyway.

- Your photo with your much more attractive friend(s) [supahguy] It makes me want to date your friend(s).

- Photo next to car, motorcycle, or boat. Okay, you own a vehicle, or you really enjoy a vehicle. Fantastic. You're so cool. Nothing wrong with said methods of transportation, just don't include a photo of it, since it'll imply things I don't like.

- Photo of you drinking, holding a drink, or involved in a goofy drinking-related activity (e.g. wearing a "St. Patrick's 2009!" hat). Yes, you clearly enjoy drinking and you want me to think that you are a fun person. Ehh, not really. You're trying too hard. I drink socially, and enjoy alcohol, but I don't want you to think I'm addicted to anything.

- "You'll find out once you're my friend."
"You'll have to become my friend first".
"Get to know me and find out!"
"If I told you that it wouldn't be something that only my best friends know!"
[melman] said "It's an opportunity for you to say something unique about yourself, and show your personality and sense of humor." I agree.

- "I'll tell you later." Actually, no you won't, since I'm closing you now.

- Last book you read: "Eat, Pray, Love" [Mooky] or "The Kite Runner". Great, you like to read bestsellers. Now tell me why you liked this book. "Because Oprah recommended it" doesn't count.

- Vague professions, like "Health care profession". Don't hide your job. Be proud, at least you have a job. As long as you have an honest job, I don't care what your title is. I'm looking for someone who's financially independent, but the actual job could be nearly anything.

- Things you can't live without: air, water, etc. Right. Me too! And everyone else on this planet! Sometimes you can't take things literally. Now, tell me something that you "can't live without," meaning "makes you very happy", that maybe is different from something I would put on my list. Preferably something that would make me want to know more about you.

- "Shopping" as a hobby. Match closed. Most guys will read that and think you're shallow, or that you're looking for someone to finance your habit. Big turn off. I personally can't stand 95% of shopping.

- "Watching TV" as a hobby. I enjoy watching some shows, but there's a lot more about me I'd rather you know, first. List something more exciting, quirky, or exotic. Even stamp collecting would impress me more than watching TV. To me, watching TV is the default activity you do if there's nothing else going on. Way too passive...

- Stealth kids. Mention that you have children, how many you have, and what age group(s) they fall into. This shouldn't be something you'll drop on your match later. This is important stuff. The whole profile doesn't have to be about how much you love your kids, and how they are the most important thing in your life. I'll assume that. Mention them once, twice tops. That's enough. Talk about other aspects of your life on the rest of the profile. There's got to be more about you than your kids.

- Pets. Mention them once. That's enough. I'll assume you love them very much. Talk about other aspects of your life on the rest of the profile. There's got to be more about you than your pets.

- Jesus. Yes, you love Jesus. That's wonderful. I'm a Christian, and my faith is important to me, too, but don't waste valuable profile space repeatedly telling me about your religion. Personally, I don't care if you're Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, or whatever. The important thing to me is that you are a person of faith. Mention your religion, if it's important to you, and move on. Don't harp on about it. Amen.

- Multiple references to being physically fit and working out. [IndyLady] Being healthy is one thing, being body-obsessed and narcissistic about it is a scary other.

I think that's almost all of my filters. Surprisingly, I found my girlfriend in eH.

Men who post pictures where they are not smiling. One guy had 4 photos and not a one with even a pleasant look on his face. I want someone who is happy not down in the mouth. It also makes me wonder if they have bad teeth.