supahguy is offline supahguy Post #201  September 4,2009, 10:17pm
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Pet Peeves???????

Where to start?

I'm not into closing people but, I'd rather not waste time talking to obtuse, stupid, or vapid people.

1.) Saying inane things like "carpe diem". I find things like this passe, hackneyed, unoriginal, tired, ersatz.

2.) Misuse of the correct their/there/they're or to/two/too every use. Or using similar bad grammar or ignorance of basic words. I won't close you for using there's in place of there are but, then 95% of people in the US have trouble w/ that.

3.) Please don't post pics of yourself w/ your much more attractive friend(s). This only accentuates that you are not attractive. It doesn't make us think you must have a great personality to hang w/ beautiful people. Please don't post 10 pics of your kids and animals a couple are fine but, this is to sell you not your kids or dog. If you want to attract men post a pic of your baked goods or collector muscle car. Please don't post a glamor shot of you in 1990 when you are now a hideous beast.

4.) In case you missed it, telling us you read the same best seller everybody else read is not interesting. So, if you read: Eat, Pray, Love, The Kite Runner, Marley and Me or something everybody and their dog(could be Marley) read please try and hide it or list something else beside.

5.) Saying your kids mean the world to you and then going off on how consumed you are with your children isn't going to help you find a mate. What guy would want to compete with kids when he will always be second fiddle?

6.) Overly terse profiles don't tell people anything about you so, if you have a generic profile why does somebody want to request your pic? Are you so gorgeous that men want you only for your body? Then post a more interesting profile!

7.) Typing in ALL CAPS just makes you look like a 10 year old. Say something w/ substance not caps.

I could go on but, this might shed some light on how to improve your profile.
 
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supahguy is offline supahguy Post #202  September 4,2009, 10:25pm
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I totally agree. Life is a series of judgments and choices. Good observation but, if you want to impress the ladies drop the E out of judgEmental, yes, most people are hypocritical and say one thing then do another. I think these are the same people who say they want somebody to love them for who they are. Of course, they never show you who they are so how would you?
 
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ming_on_mongo is offline ming_on_mongo Post #203  September 5,2009, 1:01am
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Ah, must be "troll time"! Actually it's spelled both ways, so if you're going to play "spelling police", at least make sure you know what you're talking about. Although it is a good example of another peeve... those ever-charming pedantic types who try to impress everyone with their brilliance!

But thanks for sharing those "expert tips" there "Yoda" on, um, "how to impress the ladies" (if that's what's important to you...)!
 
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morganna is offline morganna Post #204  September 5,2009, 3:52am
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PROFILE PET PEEVES

What gets me not to reply: Two things, really.

A guy who specifies he must have a beautiful woman even to the point of eye color and hair color...even measurements and height. I was telling my sister this and she laughed at me and told me, "you are that woman." Maybe so, but this guy doesn't care if I have a mind, a soul or a sense of humor---he just wants the outer package. I know people look at photo and try to find a spark there, I understand that. I've done it myself ( bare feet and dogs does it for me.) I've even had dates tell me they never read my profile, they only look at my photos. ARGH!!! No second dates there.

Second thing: party guy, you know the one who lists as alcohol as one of the things he can't live without. Sure, I drink some, but I did not list alcohol as one of my favs. I was entertained and responded to the man who listed Diet Coke, however.
 
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squaneenge is offline squaneenge Post #205  September 5,2009, 4:05am
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What gets me is the very first question. What one thing are you most passionate about? Everybody seems to have a LIST. A list contains more than one item. Unable to follow directions right off the bat just gets under my skin. I've only been here about a week, but I have seen very few people put only the one item down as requested. Guess I'll have to get over it if I want to utilize this website.
 
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Cougar is offline Cougar Post #206  September 5,2009, 4:41am
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I have complained about this to eHarmony. And when they send me a survey I always put the following into one of the boxes were they say is there anything else?

"The questions that you asked just aren't revealing enough. One way you could improve this is by having a pulldown selection with the default being the current questions but then having other questions that people can choose from and if someone like me has a lot to say about himself you can select 'Other' on any question and go on talking about himself/herself. I have noticed that the women who are interested in my profile do respond and the ones who are not come up with interesting reasons for closing me out that made me think that my profile has done some work for me in weeding out the women who just aren't good matches.

"One question in particular is useless, it is 'One thing that only whoever's best friends know is:'. Most people, about 90%, answer something like this "Get to know me and find out!" if the answer positively and the somewhat more negative answer goes "If I told you that it wouldn't be something that only my best friends know!" Neither of these answers tells you anything about the person and it just wastes the somewhat limited space that we have to talk about ourselves.

"You see, most people answer the profile questions like they're answering a survey, not like they're trying to describe themselves to somebody else. They just don't get it! And once they have answered their questions they never look at them again. That is why having a pulldown list of questions may work better. Because some people will relate to some questions better than others and anything that gets them to write about themselves and not just put a single word answer, or close to it, is positive.

"Also, an explanation that encourages them to think out of the box when they are answering these questions in order to give their matches a good idea about who they are. I agree that they know, but I want to know and they in their survey answering mode usually do not get around to telling me, so I have limited information on whether or not to select them and I have to draw the information out in the open communications dialog. Which by the way is an awkward time to find out that you are just basically incompatible. Better answered questions would've told you up front and saved time and the emotional drain that comes from closing somebody out once you've reached open communication.

"You should have something that shows you the way that other people see your profile. It is hard to look at when you're looking at the small space you make available for entering this information. But also, you need to flash it up in front of people occasionally when they login with the question "Do you wish to update your profile?" So that people can think "Oh, is that the way I'm presenting myself to others?

"I would be glad to answer any questions that you have and to help in any way. Look at my about me section and see how I ignored the questions and talked about what I wanted to talk about.

"By the way, the subject of messages in open communication is way too short. Could you please lengthen it by about double.

"Thank you for listening!"

As you can see, I think the problem is partially with the questions that are asked. But that is no reason for someone not to use all the space availabl to describe themselves in an attractive way. What everyone is saying in this thread is that the profile is a space to describe yourself and make yourself sound interesting to potential matches. It is basically an ad. So if you don't want your ad to get lost in the piles of other ads that people are looking through, then take advantage of the space and really have yourself look great!

Also, put information about you into the ad that eliminates some of the readers while honing in on others. For example and this is just an example, if you like to play bridge, and want a potential bridge partner, then say how much you enjoy playing bridge.

Say this rather than saying something negative like "no couch potatoes wanted". It's always better if possible to say something positive about yourself, rather than negative about someone else. Remember that not only will those you don't want to read your ad, but also, hopefully, those you do, and saying something positive about yourself will make you be more attractive to the people you want to be attractive to.

In this example, anyone who doesn't enjoy playing bridge or even want to learn how to play will close you out! Good riddance! If you know your profile is good, unique and expressive, and somebody closes you out, then they have just eliminated themselves based on the criteria that you specified in your profile. That's great! That's someone you don't have to go through all the questions and answers and open communication, just to find out that they aren't a good potential match.

So take your ad(profile) and make it work for you!

Sorry for taking so much space here, but this is something I'm passionate about!

Tom
 
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alng is offline alng Post #207  September 5,2009, 4:54am
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Supaguy:
I chuckled,and I couldn't agree with you more on all the points you mentioned except the all caps. I've never actually seen that, but I'm not sure it would bother me at all. The person may just be vision-challenged, and assume everybody is too- who knows,haha.
It's always interesting how different things affect different people in different ways.

I'm so happy you mentioned that point about going on and on about their kids.
I mean who really wants to knowingly take second place in anyone's life. They are your children- not mine, and I'm looking for a husband- not a great father- though it's good that you are, this does not help me unless I have children with you.
Would I date someone with a child- I would,(not my first preference) but the minute you start to tout them as the most important person in your life, I'm outta there.
 
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BillSut is offline BillSut Post #208  September 5,2009, 7:01am
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When a woman states "My children are my world". I'm a single dad of 3 girls and I love them very much but they are not my world. To me that says a person has no room for a relationship because their kids are everything.
 
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Loves_Purple is offline Loves_Purple Post #209  September 5,2009, 7:06am
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My biggest gripe is all of the comments about "can live without", most passion about" ... SEX all over the profile. Too many times I've started thinking that is all they are looking for. I'm looking for Love not lust! I had one guy send me the question that he required a lot of sex, would that be a problem?
Yes, I’m looking forward to it, but that not my #1 reason for dating.
After reading some of the comments, I am going back to update my profile.
Best wishes for everyone that you find the right one for you!
 
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stinkerbell is offline stinkerbell Post #210  September 5,2009, 7:55am
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I also immediately close matches with incomplete profiles and no photo. But my list also includes:

1. Men who only have photos posted of themselves wearing a hat and sunglasses. I think that suggests huge insecurities. I don't reject matches because they're bald, but do these guys really think that no one is going to find out?

2. Men who say that sex is one thing they can't live without. Huh? If you're on e-harmony you're presumably single and looking for a committed relationship. If you can't live without sex, then somehow you're engaging in it just to get off, and that's gross.
 
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