topfive is offline topfive Post #131  September 4,2009, 11:01am
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Following are my pet peeves and some hints for others.

1. I agree with the pictures/grammar/lackadaisical answers/one letter names/etc. Those are immediate closings for me. That pretty much tells me the person is not interested to find someone and/or is not even signed up so it will be a waste of my time. Exception would be if the person did make a note in profile of reason for no picture.
2. Children- you can change your settings if you choose to find someone without kids.
3. Astrological Sign - I agree it would be a "nice to have". It is not a reason to communicate/close specifically, but for those that are interested in astrology it helps. (PS, alng definitely is a Gemini!!)
4. Other pet peeve, after going through open communication, get to the first "email" and you receive, "How are you?" and a name. Umm, didn't we just spend (typically) 1-2 weeks getting to know each other? Put a little effort into it. I'm not saying tell me your life story, but something additional would help. Or when writing someone you put effort in and get 2-3 word responses back.
5. Marital Status - I'm not sure how important this is to people, obviously each person is different. I am divorced and have always chosen to tell the people I meet outside the site on the 1st/2nd date. I am not being mysterious or dishonest, I prefer to notify them in person. Reason for this, is it was 10 years ago, it was a high school sweetheart I was with for 4.5 years prior to marriage. Not someone I just met or a marriage that just ended a month ago. The people I have met and told have never had an issue with it. I know each situation is different but certainly something you would not know just by seeing a "Divorced" marital status.
6. Response time, I typically allow a week for a response. I understand that people are busy and you should allow them additional time, but if they really thought there was a possibility they can respond to the closed message.

Thanks.
 
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Sonic98 is offline Sonic98 Post #132  September 4,2009, 11:19am
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dalejrfan88 wrote :
I like a photo.
Part of chemistry is physical attraction.
I took a chance and went out with a guy who had no photo & was older and it will NEVER happen again!All I heard all night was how beautiful I am~how beautiful my smile is~how beautiful my eyes were~how great I look...yes,it's nice to hear all that(it never gets old,usually)BUT he said it every 2-3 minutes for over an hour!
Needless to say he was NOT attractive and looked my dad's age group.
PLEASE post pics!(O:
No more blind dates for me!(O;
Not quite sure what that has to do with him not having a pic. Are you saying you went out with an older guy, or are you saying he looked older than expected once you saw him.

Personally I think the whole looks thing is overblown, especially by females. I remember when I first started getting online and chatting I did not have any pics online, and I just had to hope someone was nice enough to communicate anyway. Now, I like to see pics not because looks are a big deal but because I'd like to at least know who I'm talking to.

As for pet peeves, there isn't much that will make me instantly close a match. I have almost never done that. I might get to the ones with pics or more info a little faster. About the only thing on here or any other site that will make me avoid a profile is when I can tell from a females profile that she is mean, arrogant, rude, unfriendly, etc. I wanna meet someone nice,friendly, and humble.

I don't have a problrm with the person who says spend time with boyfriend. I'm assuming they mean when they actually do have one

I also don't close matches unless it's been a very long time since they communicated. Someone might not have a subscription at the same time as me. Some might only communicate on free weekends. I know I went a long time with a subscription at one point and before then I was on and off. That's why they need to let you buy communication points instead of only a gift subscription. You could give a non-subsciber, if they seem like someone you'd be interested in, a free weeknd or day or week or something. They should give you a few days a free communication when you first sign-up like a 15 day trial. Or do they do that? It's been so long I don't remember.

As for incomplete profiles, don't forget some people have not had a chance to finish yet. They might not have known how long it would all take when they sat down and signed up. Then what if E-harmony has add new profile fields, and the person doesn't know. I don't think I ever had a match close mine when mine wasn't complete. But then a lot of people don't read the whole thing. They just skim and start communicaiton.
Last edited by Sonic98; September 4,2009 at 11:27am.
 
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Tina_B313 is offline Tina_B313 Post #133  September 4,2009, 11:19am
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1) Request for photos that never even responded.

I know just what CultureOfOne means about obviously conflicting matches!
2) The reason that I think you/we get these is because we indicate that we don't want these particular aspects. Instead the system looks for those terms that are mentioned. I hope I'm being clear, but if not, here's my own example. I said I hated anything to do with huntin' (I tried it with and without the "g" with the same results), guns and country music. So what'd I get? Guys who were into the very garbage I wanted to keep out of my life! Great... The term outdoorsy can mean hiking, walking in the woods or hunting and when they're not specific, it can be dicey. I keep telling eHarmony that they should have a list of check boxes of activities that are what you don't want and are unacceptable. It's really quite back-asswards.when you think about it

3) Also one of the other posters indicated caps to be a peeve. Without having access to the bold, italic or underline features in eHarmony.com, this is the only way to put emphasis on something. However, that being said it hurts my eyes if their answers are in ALL CAPS

4) Leaving a match sitting out there until the end of time even after multiple nudges and photo requests. If you're not interested. Fine...close it so it's not still around as a what if...

5) With the limited amount of characters that eHarmony allows, sometimes one has to do "txt spk" or not answer things in complete sentences wth perfect grammar and spelling in order to fit it all in.

These are the ones that come to mind right now. May be more later that I think of.
 
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marcsay is offline marcsay Post #134  September 4,2009, 11:24am
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Greetings!

When I tell folks why I have benefited from eHarmony, more than from other mingle-sites, I always point to 2 factors:

1. Even though eHarmony includes unique sorters, even psychometrics, still we each must use our own discernment. If a user is not careful, eHarmony could still be experienced as eHarm. Even a website that goes deeper cannot be our nanny. :-)

2. Given the self-written option even in the short-answer stage, the longer essays just before Open Communication, and the option to compose one's own essay questions there, good basic writing can truly partake of survival of the fittest--with no violence nor petty competition. Creative, unique writing will have all the more advantage. I have numerous new friends in Open Communication, at least half of these long transferred to personal email or phone. And if THAT closing happens, it is "Because we are communicating outside of eHarmony."

One lady whom I met over Memorial weekend--and we're still phoning as friends--told me she just had to meet the man responsible for the writing. She especially liked the phrase "hospitable honesty", one of my answers to what I'm looking for in my future wife.

Also, even while I am a follower of Jesus as the only one who can save any soul, indeed as the best Chief Hancho there is, I'm afraid I agree with the person fed up with religious clichés. While I understand the desire to avoid taking the spotlight from Christ, neither do any of His Family want to reflect poorly on Him by even appearing to offer an insipid personality. If you say only "I love Jesus," or state only that he is your Lord, that tells me nada about how YOUR soul, the distinct personhood of YOU, manifests his lordship in those ways special in yourself. In this context it's quite okay to . . . talk about yourself! ;-) The best example for Jesus is a profile that demonstrates how he shines through the distinctive YOU--created through the eternal Word.

Ladies, music is embedded in my electronic name, marc dot pipe, on the smiley-face network. All good wishes to you, so that your friends will shout Yahoo! ~ Marc
 
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Sonic98 is offline Sonic98 Post #135  September 4,2009, 11:30am
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dalejrfan88, I guess I missed the line where you said he looked your dad's age when I first replied
 
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airwaving is offline airwaving Post #136  September 4,2009, 11:34am
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Two things I've seen so far qualify here:
1)Guided communication Q's answered in one or two words- too brief! It makes me nervous and sends me closing.
2)The only photo posted is obviously a driver's license photo, or some other standard ID.
Best wishes, fellow seekers on eH.,
~Airwaving
 
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MMingE is offline MMingE Post #137  September 4,2009, 11:36am
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Probably the biggest pet peeve I have when looking at a profile are the ones where the person says "If there's anything you want to know Just ask" and then when you either start GC or FastTrack never respond.

Also, anyone who write "I'm here to meet people". That kind of shows me that person is only looking for a hookup or isn't serious about having a relationship.

Another profile I saw said "Don't respond to me unless you plan on meeting me, I'm not looking for an online buddy." I hope to meet most if not all of the people I reach OC with but that's a little too desperate and puts too much pressure on me or whoever the match is
 
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Sonic98 is offline Sonic98 Post #138  September 4,2009, 11:37am
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churumbeque wrote :
I own a business and I do not like every one to see my photo so every customer does not start asking me out. My photo is readily available and I state that in my profile but they will close me with out asking for it. I think most do not even read the profile. It is really irritaing when they close me for no photo but they do not have one even if it's hidden.
What they need to do, maybe they do it now, is instread of putting the little no photo icon when you have no pic, they need to put stage that you will allow your pic to be seen. I fully understand no pic in pre-communication. I mean if E-harmony really matches you with a highly compatible person, the pic should be the secondary concern anyway


churumbeque wrote :
Well then they should turn off the matching and it won't waste anyone's time.
Or just give you the option to choose recenty activity or current subscriber as one of your matching criteria
 
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Tina_B313 is offline Tina_B313 Post #139  September 4,2009, 11:38am
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melman wrote :
I want them to automatically screen out people who put ketchup on their ice cream.

You're being unreasonable. They're not going to screen based on politics or hobbies.
Greytgal's being ABSOLUTELY Reasonable. They need to have a list of unacceptable" hobbies" and activities that we can check off. I've got the same list as her There's no reason to waste your time getting matches who are into things that are completely against your very core beliefs. It will just cause problems later.
 
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Sonic98 is offline Sonic98 Post #140  September 4,2009, 11:41am
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WoolyOrl wrote :
1. I immediately close matches without a photo. I won't even look at the profile. In my mind, no photo = hiding something OR jaded about guys. Please, men are visual creatures. If she can't understand that then she and I will never be a good match.

2. The photos are all stuffy, or dominated by pics of her with her kids. Again... I realize that if you have kids then it's a package deal, but you're trying to get me into a romantic relationship - not into being a replacement Daddy. 1 pic with the child/children, MAXIMUM.

3. If, in her profile, she comes across with anything close to an attitude or a "hey, you'd be lucky to be with me... grovel, pig!". Attitude alert, otherwise known as HM (High Maintenance).

Those are my immediate gut reactions. I end up closing 80% of my matches within 15 seconds, and I've never doubted that decision.

Oh yeah I forgot to mention high maintainence when I mentioned the other things that are the only thing that make me close a match
 
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