anniej is offline anniej Post #1  August 12,2009, 5:06am
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When I first joined eHarmony I was really blown away by the fact that I had so many matches. The reality is that my many, many matches and I have very little in common. Their typical responses are: Dont feel the chemistry, distance, blah, blah, blah.
May be it's not my destiny to be hooked up with a match but with a 'mis-match'. After all, it is said that 'unlike poles attract'.
Could eHarmony consider doing Disharmony Profiles for people like me? Maybe we'd have more success.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #2  August 12,2009, 6:14am
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anniej wrote :
When I first joined eHarmony I was really blown away by the fact that I had so many matches. The reality is that my many, many matches and I have very little in common. Their typical responses are: Dont feel the chemistry, distance, blah, blah, blah.
May be it's not my destiny to be hooked up with a match but with a 'mis-match'. After all, it is said that 'unlike poles attract'.
Could eHarmony consider doing Disharmony Profiles for people like me? Maybe we'd have more success.
Ha! I know what you mean.
One thing I've learned is that, if nothing else, this is definitely a great study of human nature...it really is.
It's really does border on comical at times.
I'll tell you something, I'd love to write a book about all this when I'm done....truth is stranger than fiction.
I still laugh about some of the things that have happened with me!

How long have you been on?
I go through periods of being discouraged, also.
It's normal I think.

I've been on EH since April and I've had matches sent to me( whom I had not even looked at yet) respond back with: "I just don't feel the chemistry is there"
Whaaaaaat??
Gee, I thought you actually had to meet, or at least chat with someone...before you jumped to that conclusion??
maybe I'm old fashioned though!..

Another time, we got all the way to the end of the guided communication, and things were really going well, we were writing back and forth....it couldn't have been going any better...
She had initiated the communication, too.

Then...she said, "oh, I just saw you were in(city)...how far is that??"
I said "Well, it's only about two hours away...why?"
Well, to make a long story short, that was the deal breaker for her I guess..

At one point I asked her, "you know, I'm curious, how long have you been on EH?"
She replied that it had been about 7 mo. or so, and she had taken a break because it hadn't been working out, and now, she had come back. She went on to say that "hadn't met anyone decent in her area...but, she didn't want to "drive two hours to see someone", one hour was her limit.
I also reminded her of the fact that, the drive from her place to mine was, golly...the same distance as it was from my place to hers!
Imagine that??
I basically told her, "look, at sometime in your life, you have to take a chance, don't you? Aren't we worth it?"
I think I also gave her the old Dr. Phil response like "Gee, you been doing this for this long...howzzat workin' for ya??"
I ended up wishing her well, and telling her that if her heart wasn't in it, well, there's really no use in pursuing this.

I really couldn't understand her way of thinking....nothing she had been doing was working, then...along comes me, who's interested in her, she's interested(I thought) in me, but...it was an hour too long for her?? hello??
It's like the old saying: "if you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting."

My point is, don't think it always just you.
It happens to everyone.
It's just the law of averages sometime.

Annie,
I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that, when all the winks & icebreakers...and emails are exchanged....like it or not, this is still a roll of the dice.

Don't give up yet..heck, think of the stories you can tell later??

In the end, EH probably increases your odds, but nothing is a sure thing.
Particularly when it involves matters of the heart.

Hang in there.
Last edited by TheThinker; August 12,2009 at 6:20am. Reason: run on sentences! Sorry..;)
 
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FengShuiBlackBelt is offline FengShuiBlackBelt Post #3  August 12,2009, 10:36am
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Their matching system is based on the theory that what you like and want aren't the same thing as what's best for you. This is hard for Americans to accept because our way of life is based on the principle of each person deciding for himself what's best for him.
 
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FengShuiBlackBelt is offline FengShuiBlackBelt Post #4  August 12,2009, 10:37am
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Double post? I only clicked the button once.
 
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123noname789 is online now 123noname789 Post #5  August 12,2009, 5:45pm
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I'm not a real big fan of the profiles themselves, because they are all written in some kind of code leaving you to ask yourself, 'what does this REALLY mean.' But, they are a guide to know what to expect and they have prompted me to close people.

If I get a profile which rambles on endlessly about lifestyle and travel (can't live without their passport), it's a good guess we have stark differences. There are three close phrases which will work here:

'based on statements made in their profiles...'

'...differences in our values...'

'...chemistry not there...'

Generally, the chemistry line will be used in later communication, I don't often use that at first blush for a closing.

Black belt had a VERY good observation. Our matches are not based on what we want but on what is good for us. That goes a long way to explain a LOT of people's dissatisfaction with their matches and the process. While I think we all have matches who closed us we wish hadn't, using this logic we could say, we were the best for THEM, yet we closed matches we weren't interested in. So...to that end, the frustration is, finding matches, which are already 'good for us' we also WANT.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  August 13,2009, 6:12am
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Matching is based on how you filled out the Personality Profile Questionnaire. If you thought it was a joke then you will be matched with jokes. I also wonder just how well people know themselves. You may want to very carefully review your Personality Profile and consider if it accurately describes your pesonality and values. If you really think that it is incorrect then you should conatct customer support and request to re-take the Questionnaire.

You should contact all of your matches that you find at least a bit of interest in. Most of your matches will be non-paying members and can't respond but it is somewhat a numbers game and the more numbers you have the better the chance of success.

While some of the reasons for closing are a bit off, IMHO, such as no chemistry (how can you tell chemistry without having ever met). Distance is one that is valid, if your match is not willing to travel however far apart you are then it is not going to work.

Best of luck because it takes some luck and patience.
 
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