Lychnobite is offline Lychnobite Post #1  August 10,2009, 7:42pm
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Hey, everyone

I'm finding there's a stigma on eH against the use of FastTrack. Why is that? On every other dating site, free-flowing IMs and emails are the norm. Most people these days aren't so foolish as to divulge bank accounts and contact info, so I think it's a pretty safe mode of communication. For me, it's just a pleasant way of finding out if our sense of humour, confidence, style, mode of expression are compatible.

Yes, the GC questions can be valuable, but I think they can be asked creatively within a casual email conversation. Sometimes getting/giving one of those queries about spending habits and sexuality feels about as cold and blunt as being handed a medical history form at the gynaecologist's. I'm not shy, nor am I squeamish. I would just like to see (or instil, if I'm asking) some personality behind those delicate questions to help decide whether or not to go there with that particular match.
Last edited by Lychnobite; August 10,2009 at 7:44pm. Reason: fonts changed!
 
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organizedmayhem is offline organizedmayhem Post #2  August 10,2009, 8:36pm
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I get where you're coming from. This is the only dating site I've been on where open communication was not the norm. Besides, I can't get anyone to answer my questions, lol.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #3  August 10,2009, 8:43pm
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I'd say it could be reluctance, rather than fear.
I guess some people believe in Dr Warren's approach and wish to follow it fully.

Personally, I didn't find it appealing - I found that most matches on eHamony were not active members (I presume, since they didn't even look at my profile), I closed most others (didn't see anything in common), some closed me. All that before any kind of communication ever happenned.

I found the free to browse sites that also do not have guided profile questions, but rather allow people to express themselves in whatever manner they see fit, worked much better for me personally.

To each their own, of course.
 
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123noname789 is online now 123noname789 Post #4  August 10,2009, 10:37pm
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I'm very pro 'FastTrack,' and have it set under my preferred method of communication. However, it is not for everyone, particularly those new to the system. I myself only use what my matches want, and follow that. I'll go a step further, to me, e-mails aren't very telling either. Phone calls open up more but it's the face to face that really matters. I've had matches where everything was rock'in up to the e-mails, had great 'chemistry' there, but we hit the phone and...dead. She was cold on the phone, so much so, I wanted to end the call in the first two minutes and 'close,' I was uncomfortable with her attitude. We did end up talking for about a half hour, had some things in common, some stark differences, hung up that night and closed 'communicating outside of eHarmony,' as the phone cleared any mystery of the text. Even the e-mails are not foolproof.

My view, I'm paying for this service, I want to meet as many people as possible. If we had it in my local area, I'd love to go to 'speed dating.' More often than not, most matches that go anywhere (second date and beyond), I could tell from a 'speed date.' You see the person, as they are, in a casual environment, get to know how they relate to you and your style, humor, interests as well as theirs. Is there a click developing ? FastTrack is the closest thing to the real world, where you ask someone out (me the guy) who you are physically attracted to, talk with them and see if anything real is developing, a phone call might be precursive.

But, that doesn't mean I'm anti GC. In fact, I actually think they ask some good 'set-up' questions. How matches answer questions, rather than 'what' they say, is often very telling, particularly in the second batch. That also includes what THEY ask. Probably my biggest beef with it is how many matches are slow to answers, particularly in the first line of questions. That should take 30 seconds to check off, granted, if you want to put fielded answers or if there are questions which really cause reason for pause, ok, but on balance, they are 'no brainers.' The MH/CS should also be quick, particularly when your match is waiting for them. You read their answers to your first questions, then, click, send off your MH/CS, no biggie. Agreed, if you don't like your matches set (or ANY answers up to this point), by all means close them, I do. The second line of questioning is a bit more involved and it does slow most people down, understandably.

Bottom line, follow what you are comfortable with.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #5  August 11,2009, 5:53am
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I find that the questions give me some useful information about the person.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  August 11,2009, 7:16am
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Lychnobite wrote :
Hey, everyone

I'm finding there's a stigma on eH against the use of FastTrack. Why is that? On every other dating site, free-flowing IMs and emails are the norm. Most people these days aren't so foolish as to divulge bank accounts and contact info, so I think it's a pretty safe mode of communication. For me, it's just a pleasant way of finding out if our sense of humour, confidence, style, mode of expression are compatible.

Yes, the GC questions can be valuable, but I think they can be asked creatively within a casual email conversation. Sometimes getting/giving one of those queries about spending habits and sexuality feels about as cold and blunt as being handed a medical history form at the gynaecologist's. I'm not shy, nor am I squeamish. I would just like to see (or instil, if I'm asking) some personality behind those delicate questions to help decide whether or not to go there with that particular match.
If you like going directly to freeform e-mail that is the communications form of the other sites then why don't you use those other sites? They are providing what you want.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  August 11,2009, 7:17am
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organizedmayhem wrote :
I get where you're coming from. This is the only dating site I've been on where open communication was not the norm. Besides, I can't get anyone to answer my questions, lol.
And did the people on the other sites answer your open communication e-mails?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  August 11,2009, 7:21am
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Nanette wrote :
I find that the questions give me some useful information about the person.

I agree with this.
 
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Lychnobite is offline Lychnobite Post #9  August 11,2009, 10:15am
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Thanks for you feedback, everyone. As I mentioned in my OP, I agree that some GC questions are valuable. My question is more about why there's a disdain for FastTrack.

Why don't I just go to the other dating sites? I've used Lavalife and Date. They're like meat markets. I wanted to give eH a try because its users seem more serious about forming lasting relationships, and I liked that eH allows us to filter basic preferences. Anyways, I've already paid my small fortune to subscribe to eH so I'm stuck with it for now. All I can do is try to make the most of it by visiting forums such as these for insights.

I was hoping the 29 dimensions would match me to men with whom I was like-minded in terms of values, creativity and confidence. I placed those qualities as high priority in my questionnaire. Although I wasn't expecting miracle matches, I've been very dismayed by how many of them hesitated conversing through FastTrack and at the OC stage.

I even wrote in my final notes that I'm easygoing and expressive so I prefer FastTrack, yet all the communication requests I've received started out with GC. The few I've allowed to get to OC completely stalled or took days to compose something. The GC questions were answered within a day or 2, so I doubt it's simply a case of them suddenly being too busy to write a quick hello.

I guess my frustration is that GC doesn't allow me to see if a person is truly confident and easygoing. Those qualities are very important to me, yet I don't get to see that until I've spent a week or more with the canned responses.

Yes, it's possible they're not shy. They could have lost interest in me and don't have the courtesy/courage to close. It also occurred to me that they were playing other women and using GC to juggle us all as backups. Again, totally not the sort of men who would fit my 29 dimensions, but it'd be helpful to know if these practices are commonplace on eH.
 
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organizedmayhem is offline organizedmayhem Post #10  August 11,2009, 10:28am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
And did the people on the other sites answer your open communication e-mails?
Sometimes, yes and sometimes no. I doubt anyone has a 100% response rate. I left those sites, not because of communication issues, but because the quality of men was lacking.
Last edited by organizedmayhem; August 11,2009 at 1:34pm.
 
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