KittyLu is offline KittyLu Post #1  August 8,2009, 7:54pm
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One of the questions I have been asked before in GC is, "Do you believe in chemistry?" I am not sure if I have the working correct. I what some of you think of this question. Personally, I don't think it helps much in determining if a match is right for you. I find the way the word chemistry is used currently to be pretty much trendy.

In the past, if I thought I had chemistry with a guy it meant to me that I had the hots for him and could feel there was an attraction back. So, yeah, I believe in chemistry. I had great chemistry with someone in my past, fantastic chemistry. But he was not the right person for me.

So what does chemistry have to do with finding the "love of your life"? Sure attraction is extremely important someone could just be looking for way too much chemistry and not enough substance.

Ever been closed because of the chemistry thing at an early stage? What do you think of that?

Just thought this would be an interesting topic for discussion.
 
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tirhod is offline tirhod Post #2  August 8,2009, 8:01pm
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I do not personally use this question as it strikes me as ambiguous. But most of the opening questions seem relatively innocent and directed more at getting things going than diffing into the depths of your match.
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #3  August 8,2009, 8:58pm
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I think your definition of chemistry is what most think it is, and at eH it seems to be the most important thing as there are dozens upon dozens of posts that say people immediately close out if there is no picture posted or if it's not a full body shot. Those are just the facts it seems.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  August 9,2009, 5:37am
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This is an interesting question and it has been asked in different ways many times before. Most people, I believe, have the same definition of "chemistry" as you do.

I do ask this question in GC. The reason that I ask it is because I am interested in whether my match is going to base my worth on lust or if she will be evaluating me on consideration of values.

If they choose "I need to feel that instant "click"" then I figure I won't be getting past a first date.

And no I have never closed because how someone answered this question.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  August 9,2009, 5:50am
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CreolePrincess wrote :
I think your definition of chemistry is what most think it is, and at eH it seems to be the most important thing as there are dozens upon dozens of posts that say people immediately close out if there is no picture posted or if it's not a full body shot. Those are just the facts it seems.
Closing because there are no photos and "chemistry" are two entirely different things. You will never be able to judge "chemistry" until you meet in person. You will also never know what someone looks like until you meet in person as a photo is a two dimensional likeness of the person and that likeness may or may not be representative of what they actually look like.

Closing someone because they have not posted a photo is really about fairness. I have my photo available for you to see and I expect the same from you. If you are not willing to post a photo then that is sending a clear signal of any number of problems.
 
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Tanker is offline Tanker Post #6  August 18,2009, 7:32pm
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My first set of questions Asked me about chemistry. Not sure how to answer and I wonder why a woman asks that question. Any advice.
 
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Tanker is offline Tanker Post #7  August 18,2009, 7:41pm
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So if a woman asks that does she think your going to take off if you don't feel that click
 
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SleeplessinTrenton is offline SleeplessinTrenton Post #8  August 19,2009, 10:59pm
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CreolePrincess wrote :
I think your definition of chemistry is what most think it is, and at eH it seems to be the most important thing as there are dozens upon dozens of posts that say people immediately close out if there is no picture posted or if it's not a full body shot. Those are just the facts it seems.

It's my impression, after reading hundreds and hundreds of posts here, that it is the only important factor for many eharmony members. I would appreciate it if someone from eharmony could explain why that is, particularly since this site's advertising so pointedly stresses a matching protocol based upon more than two dozen compatibility factors. If I've been matched with some woman based on an analysis of 29 dimensions of compatibility, why is she so obsessive about "chemistry", when that is not something that matters to me?
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #9  August 20,2009, 12:05am
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SleeplessinTrenton wrote :
It's my impression, after reading hundreds and hundreds of posts here, that it is the only important factor for many eharmony members. I would appreciate it if someone from eharmony could explain why that is, particularly since this site's advertising so pointedly stresses a matching protocol based upon more than two dozen compatibility factors. If I've been matched with some woman based on an analysis of 29 dimensions of compatibility, why is she so obsessive about "chemistry", when that is not something that matters to me?
So what's wrong with physical attraction being the most important factor in the relationship? Isn't that how ALL relationships start out? Don't all relationships start with, "Wow, that gal/guy is really cute. I'm going to ask her out/I'll go out with him if he asks me." Every couple goes on a first date.

Now, to your credit, once on the date, you can see the person's personality and determine if you want a second date or not.

To try to answer your question: As eHarmony is a "dating" site, the object of joining eHarmony is to get "dates." All eHarmony does is advertizes itself differently. eH is hoping to appeal to and take advantage of people like you (don't take offense to that): someone who is lonely and looking for "love" by downplaying the physical aspect in the verbage by mentioning the 29 dimensions. Essentially, you are being told that eHarmony does not rule in the lust factor. Or are you? Just look at the people they feature in the commercials.

However, eHarmony's advertizing campaign has made it the most famous of all dating sites. Just about anyone on the street would recognize Dr. Warren's face if they were shown a picture. There have also been countless parodies of eH commericals in late night comedy. Because eH is so well known, that fame is going to bring more and more people who have wider and different dating objectives. The odd thing is: these objecctives often conflict with the customer whom they are advertizing to.

Plus you need to take this into account: Because eH is significantly more expensive than other dating sites, more people will be drawn to eH in order to find a "better quality" date (i.e., wealthier). But what's wrong with that?

Ok, to go back to my original point, looks get you a first date, personality gets you a second date. That's human nature. And the last time I checked, everyone on eHarmony was human.
 
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SleeplessinTrenton is offline SleeplessinTrenton Post #10  August 20,2009, 7:39am
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Oregon, I appreciate your perspective and insight. Most of your points may be true. It's likely that many members did not join to be matched on the basis of the 29 dimensions but joined to be able to look at photos of matches and to use the photos as the exclusive screening vehicle. That's fine for them, and I hope that each one of them meets someone with a suitable appearance and lives happily ever after.

I'm raising a different point. If I've been matched with women based on the 29 dimensions, and I'm not at all interested in "chemistry" or appearance-based characteristics, why are my matches so focused on that sort of thing? I'm curious why the eharmony matching protocols sent me matches whose focus on the computer-based introduction process is so very different from mine? With the detailed questionnaires used by eharmony, I expect that something so obvious as appearance-obsession and its absence would be detected and used in the screening protocols. It would be nice to meet someone with similar values, some shared interests, whose character I could admire, who is emotionally stable, and who has a serene demeanor. Dress size and hair color are unimportant to me, for example. I would appreciate someone from eharmony explaining what I might do to get matched with the sort of person who I'd like to meet and not get matched with these "chemistry"-focused women.
 
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