simplylive is offline simplylive Post #1  August 2,2009, 11:46am
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I know…I know. This is not a usual complaint. Many of my matches have great profiles, some of them I would like start communication and see how they really are in the next step. But they are all such good-looking men. I'm not joking. I wouldn't say that I am an unattractive woman, but I am overweight and I know I would feel more comfortable with a match who has a body type that is closer to mine. I would love a guy who is similar to me, and who desires a healthy lifestyle that we can work toward together. These great guys have that healthy lifestyle and nice physic already. It's intimidating, and of course, none have requested to communicate. I'm reading how others complain that their matches are not attractive enough. As for me, I would love an authentic less than "cover guy" stud on my match list! So far, I’ve only gotten one somewhat overweight guy and his profile was not enticing…very sad face.

I believe in chilvarly and my ideal would be that the guy initiate communication. I have lots of pics on my profile and they are not airbrushed. In this way, I would know he liked my profile and is fine with my weight. This, of course, is likely to protect myself from rejection. Should I be brave and request communication knowing (by the comments of men on other threads concerning over-weight women) that they will probably not reciprocate? At the very least, I would know to close them off my list…since they haven’t closed me. And, how long should I give a new match to close, if I see potential in his profile? Afterall, I'm not at a place of desperation or lonliness. I am just looking for a really great friend, that might become the really great friend! I can wait.

Thanks for comments!!
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  August 2,2009, 12:06pm
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Many non-communicating matches are non-paying matches.
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  August 2,2009, 12:31pm
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As D_Lion said a great many of your matches are going to be non-paying members who can't communicate. In my experience about 90%.

Now about the woman initiating communication. You have paid your money just like any guy. You have a right to take advantage of all the services that eHarmony has. This includes sending First Questions to any of your matches that you find interesting. Any real man will welcome that you have shown interest by sending First Questions. Any guy that is put off because you took the initiative by sending First Questions has control issues and you don't want to be with a guy like that anyway.

Send First Questions DON'T send an IceBreaker. IceBreakers are free and the only thing a non-paying member can do so an IceBreaker is viewed as an indication that the person is a non-paying member.

As far as your matches being too attractive. That is your opinion, he may have a different view of himself. Even if he is buff and studly it does not mean that he is looking for the skinny model / movie star girl (which would be just fine since that is what I am looking for even though I am not Brad Pitt ).
 
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NCFuzzyBear is offline NCFuzzyBear Post #4  August 2,2009, 12:36pm
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Hi SimplyLive:

I understand where you're coming from. I consider myself very realistic and do not expect a model to reply to my communication. But I will not limit myself either. You never know what a man is looking for in a woman. Just like we woman have a certain type of man we look for, so do men. Not all man are attracted to skinny woman with long hair and fake nails. I personally knew several man which were bodybuilders and very handsome, but they were attracted to thick woman. Their mom was a plus size lady so I think that played a part in the type of woman they picked to be in their lives. So do not judge a man by his cover, you are being judgemental of them and in fact you are being guilty of it yourself. (Not trying to be mean to you) But if you're a good person, then a good man will be drawn to you no matter what he may look like or even if his features may not be up to your standards.

Just live a little and cast your net, see who takes the bait. Enjoy life, don't put yourself in a box because you think that is all you're worth or your not pretty enough. Yes guys do put a great deal of emphasis on looks but not all think that way and give men some credit. They're not that bad or else we would not be looking so hard for one. Yet I'm with you. I hope you find what you are seeking SimplyLove!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  August 2,2009, 1:11pm
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NCFuzzyBear wrote :
Hi SimplyLive:

I understand where you're coming from. I consider myself very realistic and do not expect a model to reply to my communication. But I will not limit myself either. You never know what a man is looking for in a woman. Just like we woman have a certain type of man we look for, so do men. Not all man are attracted to skinny woman with long hair and fake nails. I personally knew several man which were bodybuilders and very handsome, but they were attracted to thick woman. Their mom was a plus size lady so I think that played a part in the type of woman they picked to be in their lives. So do not judge a man by his cover, you are being judgemental of them and in fact you are being guilty of it yourself. (Not trying to be mean to you) But if you're a good person, then a good man will be drawn to you no matter what he may look like or even if his features may not be up to your standards.

Just live a little and cast your net, see who takes the bait. Enjoy life, don't put yourself in a box because you think that is all you're worth or your not pretty enough. Yes guys do put a great deal of emphasis on looks but not all think that way and give men some credit. They're not that bad or else we would not be looking so hard for one. Yet I'm with you. I hope you find what you are seeking SimplyLove!
And so do you women. However, the bottom line is that beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder.
 
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FengShuiBlackBelt is offline FengShuiBlackBelt Post #6  August 2,2009, 1:31pm
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I wish I had the OP's problem.

You seem to have convinced yourself that you're not good enough for a very attractive man. That kind of thinking - feelings of inadequacy, or whatever - will sabotage any relationship.you find yourself in, whether with an attractive man or otherwise. You need to cut it out.
 
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simplylive is offline simplylive Post #7  August 2,2009, 6:23pm
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Thank you for your comments and advice. NCFuzzyBear is right to say that I am being judgmental when I put these guys into a category of being too attractive to be interested in someone like me. And Gr8Guyn is right that this is my opinion of them and they may not share it for themselves. I have taken heed and will not hesitate any longer to initiate communication with someone who interests me. And if you are right that so many of my matches are not paying and not able to respond, that is discouraging in and of itself, I better not waste my time wondering. I am not overly self-conscious, though; I think I am worthy of a really great guy…and he will be worthy of me. I do want to be realistic. I’m in uncharted territory…I haven’t been in the dating scene before so am thankful to gain advice from others more experienced! Thank you, again, for your honest comments.
 
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