Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Using eHarmony If you have questions or comments about eHarmony's matching process, post it here. Or, lend your guidance and support to a fellow eHarmony member.

Reply
Page 2 of 3 1 2 3
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
boobox boobox is offline
boobox's Avatar

boobox is conflicted

Newbie

Join Date: Aug 2009

Posts: 4

See profile

I am an overly sexual person and I believe it is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. However, I think that mentioning how much you need sex in Must Haves sounds desperate and inappropriate. Shouldn't it be assumed that you'd want to be intimate with someone you're in a relationship with? Discussions about sex should wait (maybe until after you've met in person?) until you've connected on a deeper level!
- August 2nd, 2009, 02:25 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#11   Reply With Quote
DDjr DDjr is offline
DDjr's Avatar

Enthusiast

Join Date: Dec 2008

Posts: 802

See profile

1. Search around. This was discussed at great length recently.

2. Take all the MH/CS with a grain of salt. For the guys that are not "religious and waiting til marriage for my first time", if they put down "Sex Knowledgeable", figure they are just being more honest than the average guy!
- August 2nd, 2009, 08:40 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#12   Reply With Quote
Glimflicker Glimflicker is offline
Glimflicker's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 27

See profile

boobox wrote :
Shouldn't it be assumed that you'd want to be intimate with someone you're in a relationship with?
The last thing you should do is make assumptions about your partner's feelings, especially about intimacy. If a man knows that he requires a high level of intimacy in his relationship, I don't see how including it in his must haves could be a bad idea. I personally don't feel comfortable including it in my must haves, but I have had matches that include it in theirs. Only once did it get discussed further, but it was two months into our relationship together.

My advice is to not discriminate based upon mentioning sex in the must haves or can't stands unless it directly contradicts your views (i.e. a match wants to remain abstinant until marriage whereas you need intimacy in a committed relationship). If your match seems obsessive about sex or lack thereof in other forms of communication, then I would worry.
- August 3rd, 2009, 11:49 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#13   Reply With Quote
tirhod tirhod is offline
tirhod's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Aug 2009

Posts: 33

See profile

You should be cautious with the must haves/can't stands as many of them can be interepreted in more than one way, if you are uncertain about why something is on someone's list, it is ok to ask them.

As for "sex knowledgeable" and "uninterested," I was very tempted to use them. I spent two years trying to save a marriage with a woman who was sexually uninterested for greater than three years. It tore me up, to be quite honest, but I remained loyal to her. So perhaps I should have added these to my must haves/can't stands as I know their significance to me more than ever; but I chose not to simply because I feared there would be misinterpretations that I am out for sex NOW, when in actuality, as much as I want these things, I also like to hold off so I have sex to add to marriage.
- August 3rd, 2009, 12:17 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#14   Reply With Quote
Oregon_Coast_Guy Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline
Oregon_Coast_Guy's Avatar

Oregon_Coast_Guy We're one of a kind like dip di-dip di-dip doo-bop a doo-bee do

Veteran

Join Date: Sep 2008

Posts: 1,610

See profile

Mystified101 wrote :
So what does that mean in the men's Must Have/Can't Stand's when they say you must be Sexually Knowledgeable and Uninterested, which is a can't stand that says he will not be interested in you unless you do no enjoy sex on a regular basis. Isn't that stating things a bit early right away? Isn't that something that should be discussed more if you decide to date someone more exclusively? Or are these type of guys control freaks and demand sex all the time? What's up with those comments? I see them a lot and don't know what to think about it......
It doesn't encessarily mean sex on the first date, but it does mean that once the time comes, you better know what you are doing. After all, don't you feel the same way?
- August 3rd, 2009, 12:28 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#15   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Benevolence32 Benevolence32 is offline
Benevolence32's Avatar

Benevolence32 is not looking forward to shorter days and colder weather

Enthusiast

Join Date: Feb 2009

Posts: 587

See profile

Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :
you better know what you are doing. After all, don't you feel the same way?
Not really, sex is like anything else you don't become a good tennis player by only playing once every 5 months. Lack of experience and lack of drive are two different things with the former being much easier to remedy imo, and more fun.
- August 3rd, 2009, 12:58 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#16   Reply With Quote
Mayne Mayne is offline
Mayne's Avatar

Quick Study

Join Date: May 2008

Posts: 109

See profile

Benevolence32 wrote :
Not really, sex is like anything else you don't become a good tennis player by only playing once every 5 months. Lack of experience and lack of drive are two different things with the former being much easier to remedy imo, and more fun.

Passionate = I want someone with a good sex drive

Knowledgeable = I want a former porno film actor/actress
- August 4th, 2009, 12:43 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#17   Reply With Quote
IcecreamMoon IcecreamMoon is offline
IcecreamMoon's Avatar

IcecreamMoon Nothing to see here at all...

Virtuoso

Join Date: May 2009

Posts: 2,848

See profile

boobox wrote :
I am an overly sexual person and I believe it is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. However, I think that mentioning how much you need sex in Must Haves sounds desperate and inappropriate. Shouldn't it be assumed that you'd want to be intimate with someone you're in a relationship with? Discussions about sex should wait (maybe until after you've met in person?) until you've connected on a deeper level!

How do you define "overly sexual", if you don't mind my asking, please?
- August 4th, 2009, 02:26 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#18   Reply With Quote
Oregon_Coast_Guy Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline
Oregon_Coast_Guy's Avatar

Oregon_Coast_Guy We're one of a kind like dip di-dip di-dip doo-bop a doo-bee do

Veteran

Join Date: Sep 2008

Posts: 1,610

See profile

Benevolence32 wrote :
Not really, sex is like anything else you don't become a good tennis player by only playing once every 5 months. Lack of experience and lack of drive are two different things with the former being much easier to remedy imo, and more fun.

That's right. But if you an employer looking for an employee for an important position in your company, you want to hire the person who is competent and experienced, not an incompetent, inexperienced goof. Same way goes for relationships/sex.
- August 4th, 2009, 12:12 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#19   Reply With Quote
Benevolence32 Benevolence32 is offline
Benevolence32's Avatar

Benevolence32 is not looking forward to shorter days and colder weather

Enthusiast

Join Date: Feb 2009

Posts: 587

See profile

We'll just have to agree to disagree on that one OCG lack of experience is probably one of the last reasons I wouldn't go out with a woman. I'm just more worried about other things I guess, and I like to try to keep my checklist short.

Now lack of drive would definitely worry me since I do know guys that are unhappy with their wives due to them never being in the mood.
- August 4th, 2009, 12:47 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#20   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 2 of 3 1 2 3

Bookmarks

« The perfect goodbye communication | Array | Profile Review Please! »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“In answer to your basic question of how to be less paranoid, as has already been mentioned, relax. Now a few observations on your post that you really did not ask about. 1. You forgot to hug him ... ” – Andrea8823

Join the “always so paranoid” discussion

“I actually think the variety in response is quite helpful. Even Harvey had a valid point to consider though you might not like his bedside manners. This woman needs to understand why she chose ... ” – nightling

Join the “Frustrated & Confused: Is He A Sexual Addict???” discussion

“ Nice Melcalrrt. I have to tell you I am a runner too and every time I see a runner with a prosthetic running leg I am in awe. I always think if that happened to me I hope I have the courage and ... ” – sqg123

Join the “Girls stop communicating after seeing my pix” discussion

“Yes I'd say he likes you a lot, but has some confidence issues. If you're interested, keep taking the initiative and ask him on a low-stress date like roguewolf suggested. He may gain confidence ... ” – kevin76

Join the “i have a problem understanding this guy!” discussion

“I rather fear with this thread that we are in danger of overlooking the fact that men do fall in love with women that they start off "just" having sex with. It is not always so but it does happen ... ” – nightling

Join the “bootycall” discussion

“I have a question for the guys (in particular) but gals feel free to respond how you react to a similar situation. According to a guy friend of mine, he can be pursued until he gives in even if he ... ” – landstar59

Join the “does persistance pay off?” discussion

“ScottK you are viewing the eHarmony Personality Profile Questionnaire questions on conservative and liberal as being political questions. Here is a hint THAT IS NOT WHAT IS BEING ASKED.” – Gr8Guyn2008

Join the “Hypocritical Match?” discussion

“ While a lot of other sites, Match and Yahoo! Personals being two, show when someone was last logged in, eHarmony does not. FYI though you did not ask, I understand that POF now not only shows when ... ” – Gr8Guyn2008

Join the “How to find this?” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:16 am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0