The perfect goodbye communication


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scenglish is offline scenglish Post #1  July 31,2009, 9:01am
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Here's my problem that I hope someone can help with. This has happened to me on more than a couple of occasions:

1) Nice profile, attractive pictures.
2) Guided communication and emails are fun, compatible, and interesting.
3) Open communication: Definite interest on both sides, chemistry is building.
4) A few phone calls are long, and filled with laughter, "me too..."s and so on.
5) First meeting in person? Nothing. No chemistry whatsoever, and not necessarily because of physical attraction. Although after a recent date I'm adding "headshots only" to my list of warning signs, along with "more than 3 cats"!

So how do I now go about breaking off communication with this person in a polite, friendly manner? I have no problem writing Tolstoy length emails, but this last, short one seems to elude me! Any suggestions? Something along these lines?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear XXXXX

It was lovely to meet you last night, I had a great time! However, one of the questions on EH was "within the first couple of dates I need to feel the chemistry" - well sadly (or not, depending on your own point of view!) that wasn't happening for me. I enjoyed our conversations, but I can't see this going much past that.

Thanks again, take care, and good luck in your search.

YYYYY
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #2  July 31,2009, 9:44am
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scenglish wrote :
Here's my problem that I hope someone can help with. This has happened to me on more than a couple of occasions:

1) Nice profile, attractive pictures.
2) Guided communication and emails are fun, compatible, and interesting.
3) Open communication: Definite interest on both sides, chemistry is building.
4) A few phone calls are long, and filled with laughter, "me too..."s and so on.
5) First meeting in person? Nothing. No chemistry whatsoever, and not necessarily because of physical attraction. Although after a recent date I'm adding "headshots only" to my list of warning signs, along with "more than 3 cats"!

So how do I now go about breaking off communication with this person in a polite, friendly manner? I have no problem writing Tolstoy length emails, but this last, short one seems to elude me! Any suggestions? Something along these lines?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear XXXXX

It was lovely to meet you last night, I had a great time! However, one of the questions on EH was "within the first couple of dates I need to feel the chemistry" - well sadly (or not, depending on your own point of view!) that wasn't happening for me. I enjoyed our conversations, but I can't see this going much past that.

Thanks again, take care, and good luck in your search.

YYYYY

Your proposed e-mail would be just fine... and head and shoulders classier than most guys who just "poof" when they don't feel the chemistry.

If I had enjoyed a date with you and wanted to see you again, I'd be a little disappointed getting the e-mail (that can't be avoided), but I would think highly of you for ending it in a dignified, classy, polite way.

With someone as thoughtful as you, the woman you feel mutual chemistry with will be one lucky lady indeed!
 
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ZisaGirl is online now ZisaGirl Post #3  July 31,2009, 9:51am
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Ditto Wonderwoman's comment.

While I, too, would be disappointed to receive such an email, it would close the door, and I could close out the match and stop waiting, hoping, for a phone call.

I've written emails such as these many times to guys, and they've almost always responded with a "thanks, I appreciate it, and good luck to you too" email. I think it's common courtesy, and it would make me respect you all the more!

I think your succint email is perfect.
 
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librarybabe is offline librarybabe Post #4  July 31,2009, 10:06am
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Can I steal it for the next time I need to write one?
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #5  July 31,2009, 12:49pm
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Very polite sincere letter..., I'm guessing you mean to a guy? Please leave out what's in red and stay with the well written underlined. The more apologetic and verbose, the more patronizing it comes across . Just stick to the point with men. : "thanks for everything, enjoyed the time, but no go".
scenglish wrote :
Dear XXXXX

It was lovely to meet you last night, I had a great time! However, one of the questions on EH was "within the first couple of dates I need to feel the chemistry" - well sadly (or not, depending on your own point of view!) that wasn't happening for me. I enjoyed our conversations, but I can't see this going much past that.

Thanks again, take care, and good luck in your search.
YYYYY
 
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hawqeye is offline hawqeye Post #6  July 31,2009, 2:47pm
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Talk about a rough couple of weeks.

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I am with Wiseman, keep it short and to the point.

Good for you that you are putting a closing to the match instead of being dodgy. Albeit hard at first, there is a definate end.
 
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scenglish is offline scenglish Post #7  July 31,2009, 3:30pm
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Actually - I'm a man sending this to a woman. The short and sweet thing is exactly my dilemma. I want it to be short; I don't want to have to go into the details, but I don't want it to be SO short it seems like I just copied one of the check box options on the close match page.* So it's something that's at least got a little personal thought into it.

Finally - I sent the slimmed down message this morning, and the reply I got shortly afterwards was a very gracious "thank you, me too, good luck" So... to all of you who posted "THANKS!" for the tips and feel free to copy/paste!




* PS if I get another "other" as a close, I'm going to scream... it's ok people - be brave, tell me you don't like my profile, or I'm too old, or whatever reason it is... I'm a big boy, I can handle it, and I'm never going to improve the profile if I don't know what you don't like! However, I would like to see the option:

"Too many spelling mistakes"

Seriously - If I saw Angelina Jolie on EH saying she liked "Surfers with inglish aksents", I'd close her**


** OK - I might make an exception here... but you get the idea...
 
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hawqeye is offline hawqeye Post #8  July 31,2009, 5:02pm
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Talk about a rough couple of weeks.

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scenglish wrote :
Actually - I'm a man sending this to a woman. The short and sweet thing is exactly my dilemma. I want it to be short; I don't want to have to go into the details, but I don't want it to be SO short it seems like I just copied one of the check box options on the close match page.* So it's something that's at least got a little personal thought into it.

Finally - I sent the slimmed down message this morning, and the reply I got shortly afterwards was a very gracious "thank you, me too, good luck" So... to all of you who posted "THANKS!" for the tips and feel free to copy/paste!




* PS if I get another "other" as a close, I'm going to scream... it's ok people - be brave, tell me you don't like my profile, or I'm too old, or whatever reason it is... I'm a big boy, I can handle it, and I'm never going to improve the profile if I don't know what you don't like! However, I would like to see the option:

"Too many spelling mistakes"

Seriously - If I saw Angelina Jolie on EH saying she liked "Surfers with inglish aksents", I'd close her**


** OK - I might make an exception here... but you get the idea...
Haha yeah, really bad spelling will probably get closed by me also. On the other hand, I can actually take the "Other" reason nowdays since then I know it is closed, instead of hanging open for weeks.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #9  July 31,2009, 6:33pm
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What you have here is more than I wrote. I agree with Wiseman’s comment, to kick out the patronizing part.
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  July 31,2009, 8:20pm
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librarybabe wrote :
Can I steal it for the next time I need to write one?
You mean you say goodbye to the guys that you are matched with and / or date? All my matches just poof.
 
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