Closing Matches: What do people prefer to read?


View Poll Results: What do people prefer to read if the match closer is not physically attracted to you?
I don't feel that the chemistry is there 6 54.55%
I want to pursue other matches at eharmony 3 27.27%
I would rather not say 0 0%
Other 2 18.18%
Voters: 11. You may not vote on this poll

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jumpingforjoy is offline jumpingforjoy Post #1  July 27,2009, 6:59pm
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Hi there,

I recently joined eHarmony. The etiquette for closing matches seems to be a little murky.

I was wondering if people would be willing to respond and say what they would genuinely prefer to read as a reason for a closed match if the other person didn't find you physically to be their type. How would you feel if you accidentally ran into that person three days later? I live somewhere where this is definitely possible.

Of the choices available to close matches "I don't feel that the chemistry is there" would probably be most accurate, but it strikes me as somewhat cold. Many people find different people attractive for different reasons, and I don't like the idea of giving that kind of response if it will leave a bad taste in someone's mouth.

But giving "I want to pursue other matches..." doesn't seem much more delicate either.

"Other" seems way weak.

Thanks so much. Hopefully men will respond too as it cuts both ways.

* I have read other posts on this topic, but none where it specifically concerned choosing the most polite answer for when you're not physically attracted to the other person.
** I tried posting a poll but it didn't seem to work
 
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Woodd is offline Woodd Post #2  July 28,2009, 4:44pm
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I use the chemistry reply when I am not attracted to a match. I think it gives the other party the clearest indicator of why I closed.

I received an "Other" close message a few days ago and it really got under my skin. "Other," seriously? It tells me absolutely nothing.

Heck, I could go for a "I didn't find my match physically attractive." At least that lets me know EXACTLY why I was closed.
 
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hawqeye is offline hawqeye Post #3  July 28,2009, 5:29pm
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From my side, if they just close the match I am flippin happy! At first, Other did bother me, but not anymore. Keep in mind that you can select more than one choice when closing a match too.

If their profile is severely incomplete I close it with the no photos option and the based off the statements I am not interested in this match.
 
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passat1 is offline passat1 Post #4  July 28,2009, 6:56pm
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Can you give me an idea what would be the meaning of : " I am not ready for the next step". Received after sending the first questions
 
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ohseejane is offline ohseejane Post #5  July 28,2009, 10:26pm
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passat1 wrote :
Can you give me an idea what would be the meaning of : " I am not ready for the next step". Received after sending the first questions
To me it means that the answers are not what he or she was hoping for. For example, if a guy just checks one of the answers provided, i.e. he doesn't write in any answers, I lose interest almost immediately because I'm looking for somebody who loves to put their own spin on the answer.
 
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ohseejane is offline ohseejane Post #6  July 28,2009, 10:34pm
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[Of the choices available to close matches "I don't feel that the chemistry is there" would probably be most accurate, but it strikes me as somewhat cold. Many people find different people attractive for different reasons, and I don't like the idea of giving that kind of response if it will leave a bad taste in someone's mouth.
[/quote]

I like the "no chemistry" answer the best. It's honest but not brutal. Hopefully most people understand that chemistry sometimes has nothing to do with a person's attractiveness. Clive Owen's a really handsome guy but I doubt you feel any chemistry with him!
 
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Hotwheelsfan is offline Hotwheelsfan Post #7  July 29,2009, 1:36am
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Feels fabulous

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I get "other" as a close 95% of the time. I did'nt really like it much at 1st, but now it just seems to be standard I guess...
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #8  July 29,2009, 1:42am
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Physical distance is too great. Very common,
very neutral and very true. No one's offended if you don't want to drive ....and if it's not a good match, down the street is "Too Far"
hawqeye wrote :
From my side, if they just close the match I am flippin happy! At first, Other did bother me, but not anymore. Keep in mind that you can select more than one choice when closing a match too.

If their profile is severely incomplete I close it with the no photos option and the based on the statements I am not interested in this match.
 
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Robecology is offline Robecology Post #9  July 29,2009, 3:10am

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No one (of the responders, above) seems to realize that the basic reason that someone may close a match is that things have changed in their relationships. We don't live in a vacuum; all of us are somewhere on the continuum of ending a relationship - some of us dealing with years of lonliness - some dealing with just days, or maybe on again-off again. Try to read between the lines and not take the lame excuses so negatively; just move on; the best relationship comes to those who are patient.
 
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Georgethegirl is offline Georgethegirl Post #10  July 29,2009, 9:41am
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is still around. Believe it or not!

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I'm with Woodd on this one. Why does that option even exist??? GRRR!!!
 
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