Travelchic is offline Travelchic Post #1  July 24,2009, 6:34am
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Hi I was wondering if you meet someone online who lives far enough away that it would require a flight to meet in person, how do you go about it??? Guys, would you offer to fly out, get a hotel and spend the time to go see a woman that you've never met before? Clearly for a woman to do that is bordering on unthinkable on so many levels... But doesn't really seem fair to the guys either. How have you dealt with this???
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  July 24,2009, 6:45am
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If that kind of distance is involved, before either one of us considers meeting, we'll spend some time establishing a friendly connection. Meaning that if we make the effort and meet and there is no chemistry, we still click enough to just have a good time as friends. If that connection is not there, forget it.

For the most part, it has been guys who offer to come down rather than the other way around. Personally, though, I prefer to meet somewhere half way at a fun touristy place. We both stay in separate hotels and I will be very familiar with the area and come up with what we do, for the sake of my own personal safety. In other words, I don't want him suggesting out of the way hikes, etc. I still don't know him. So everything we do on that date is going to be very public.
 
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Andrewthecarrotman is offline Andrewthecarrotman Post #3  July 24,2009, 6:50am
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If I was flying around all the time..... I wouldn't mind, especially if I was near where she lived all the time

But a relationship where you have to fly to see your girlfriend........
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  July 24,2009, 2:14pm
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I could not afford the cost, and would not miss work (or, at the time, school.) I had my matching set on the closest option, and I turned down people outside my radius. I do give up on a woman when I get told that since I am the man, I “should” be bearing a disproportionate burden.
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  July 25,2009, 6:03am
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Travelchic wrote :
Hi I was wondering if you meet someone online who lives far enough away that it would require a flight to meet in person, how do you go about it??? Guys, would you offer to fly out, get a hotel and spend the time to go see a woman that you've never met before? Clearly for a woman to do that is bordering on unthinkable on so many levels... But doesn't really seem fair to the guys either. How have you dealt with this???
Hmm, and your name is Travel Chic

I have no idea why you would think that this would be unthinkable for the girl to fly somewhere to meet the guy. I am thinking that if we were matched that since you consider yourself to not be my equal that we are going to have a basic value incompatibilty. But that is just me.

This subject has been cover many other times and one suggestion is to meet at some point in between. Anytime you are meeting a person for the first time you always want to meet in a public place with a lot of people around. If travel and a hotel is involved you want to have your own car and own hotel room. You can not share which hotel with your match.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  July 25,2009, 6:05am
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[quote=D_Lion;685331]I could not afford the cost, and would not miss work (or, at the time, school.) I had my matching set on the closest option, and I turned down people outside my radius. I do give up on a woman when I get told that since I am the man, I “should” be bearing a disproportionate burden.
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Snick8699 is offline Snick8699 Post #7  July 25,2009, 6:38am
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I've met people online who were a good distance away that would require either a flight or a 3+ hour drive. As much as I can, I discourage these connections.

I know my boundaries and what I can do; i.e., relocation is out of the question and it wouldn't be fair of me to place that restriction. Anyway, in each instance, the man was always the one willing to travel to "see how it goes" and then would state HE would be willing to relocate if we clicked. Again, I would discourage it because honestly, who needs that kind of pressure while dating? It seems that you can't just relax, have a good time and see where the date goes. Your mind is always months down the road thinking, "is this working?"; "will this work long-distance?"; "I feel I owe him something" and that's the last thing I want to feel on a date. Undo pressure in an already intense situation.

If you truly feel this is someone you could connect with, make sure you have a strong connection with them beforehand. Like another poster said, this way you have something there other than romance and won't feel like you need to pack up and get the heck out of Dodge.

If you do click, then take turns. I know I can't afford to fly anywhere to see anyone so I'll be sticking locally but good luck in whatever you choose to do.
 
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Travelchic is offline Travelchic Post #8  July 25,2009, 7:26am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Hmm, and your name is Travel Chic

I have no idea why you would think that this would be unthinkable for the girl to fly somewhere to meet the guy. I am thinking that if we were matched that since you consider yourself to not be my equal that we are going to have a basic value incompatibilty. But that is just me.

This subject has been cover many other times and one suggestion is to meet at some point in between. Anytime you are meeting a person for the first time you always want to meet in a public place with a lot of people around. If travel and a hotel is involved you want to have your own car and own hotel room. You can not share which hotel with your match.

YEP Travelchic! I wrote that for the woman to offer to fly out to where the man lives, get a hotel and spend the time to go meet him for the first time.... is unthinkable on many levels IE: Men get scared off EASILY that's just a general truth. If I offered to do this: He would know I'm alone and staying at a hotel and could chop me up into little pieces; he would initially be stoked but most likely get freaked out the more he thought about it "Wow does she do this often??" "She is more into me than I am into her" "What if she's a stalker and now she'll know where I live"naturally women can think these things too but our inclination would lean more towards "Wow what a gentleman"; He could be double standard in thinking that I am easy for going out of my way like this....

This was not referring to the "meet half way" offering, this was my comment on going to his turf. We can be equal but fundamentally different. A woman's saftey is definitely going to involve a higher concern for precaution.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #9  July 25,2009, 8:54am
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I think you are way overthinking this situation.
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #10  July 25,2009, 9:30am
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Travelchic wrote :
YEP Travelchic! I wrote that for the woman to offer to fly out to where the man lives, get a hotel and spend the time to go meet him for the first time.... is unthinkable on many levels IE: Men get scared off EASILY that's just a general truth. If I offered to do this: He would know I'm alone and staying at a hotel and could chop me up into little pieces; he would initially be stoked but most likely get freaked out the more he thought about it "Wow does she do this often??" "She is more into me than I am into her" "What if she's a stalker and now she'll know where I live"naturally women can think these things too but our inclination would lean more towards "Wow what a gentleman"; He could be double standard in thinking that I am easy for going out of my way like this....

This was not referring to the "meet half way" offering, this was my comment on going to his turf. We can be equal but fundamentally different. A woman's saftey is definitely going to involve a higher concern for precaution.

Hello fellow Travelchick!
Not sure if I'd go as far as chopping to pieces, but I'm with you on much of the rest. A lot also depends on how well you know each other and how safe you feel meeting him in his town.

Either him coming to meet you or meeting somewhere neutral would be best in my opinion, if the connection is strong enough to validate the expense (this is for the Frog in all of us ).

Just my opinion, of course. Hope it works out for you!
 
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