On a roll... What is the appropriate answer to an icebreaker???


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Travelchic is offline Travelchic Post #1  July 23,2009, 12:09pm
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A guy who had very specific requirements (that I did not fill) sent me an "I love your Smile" Ice breaker. He saw my profile and it seemed pretty clear to me anyway that I would not be what he was looking for (religion, nationality and location), so I just assumed he was just being nice. I sent him back a wink and before I could close him out he began communication. I requested fast track to explain that I was flattered but that I didnt think I was the right one for him. He replied quite bitterly and closed me out with "not interested because of what I said in my profile". So I sent him a "I wish you would reconsider" just to mess with him! But jeese! I just didn't think it very nice to reply to such a nice thing by closing him out without an explanation and there aren't any set replies saying just "Thanks but no thanks!"...

I chose not to mention that he sent me a nasty reply before closing me out which is why I felt no problem with "messing with him"... I just didn't mention that because it wasn't really part of my question to the advice board.
Last edited by Travelchic; August 10,2009 at 9:08am. Reason: more info
 
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LavenderFields is offline LavenderFields Post #2  July 23,2009, 3:56pm
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Travelchic wrote :
So I sent him a "I wish you would reconsider" just to mess with him!
What goes around comes around, I really think that was uncalled for in my opinion.

People have all these checklists, but if they find somebody attractive it seems to fall on the wayside.

I think you could have just closed him, no need for explanations. You could have closed with "Based on the statements in the profile, I am not interested in this match". The point is, it doesn't matter why, there is really no real closure, nobody is ever 'happy' to be closed, but it is better than leaving you hanging.

Usually winks are used by nonmembers, so if a member uses a wink they immediately follow it with a request to communicate. I think is a weird thing to do, but it happens all the time.

Please be kind, we all have a heart and nobody likes to be 'messed' with.

Sincerely,
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel — Advice Member-Moderator Post #3  July 23,2009, 11:58pm
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LavenderFields wrote :
What goes around comes around, I really think that was uncalled for in my opinion.

People have all these checklists, but if they find somebody attractive it seems to fall on the wayside.

I think you could have just closed him, no need for explanations. You could have closed with "Based on the statements in the profile, I am not interested in this match". The point is, it doesn't matter why, there is really no real closure, nobody is ever 'happy' to be closed, but it is better than leaving you hanging.

Usually winks are used by nonmembers, so if a member uses a wink they immediately follow it with a request to communicate. I think is a weird thing to do, but it happens all the time.

Please be kind, we all have a heart and nobody likes to be 'messed' with.

Sincerely,
Lav
+1 I agree with you 100%!
 
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Travelchic is offline Travelchic Post #4  August 9,2009, 10:34pm
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I wasn't trying to be unkind. I am new at this and I was in fact trying to be thankful and considerate. He overreacted and was unnecessarily gruff. In the future I will continue to be as kind as possible, as I hope you are with me...
 
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FengShuiBlackBelt is offline FengShuiBlackBelt Post #5  August 10,2009, 12:01am
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Something similar happened to me. I closed a match in a distant state because of the distance. She asked me to re-open it, so I did. She looked at my profile and promptly closed the match again.

If you ask me, some people have such huge egos that they insist on being the dumper instead of the dumpee.
 
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FengShuiBlackBelt is offline FengShuiBlackBelt Post #6  August 10,2009, 12:02am
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Something similar happened to me. I closed a match in a distant state because of the distance. She asked me to re-open it, so I did. She looked at my profile and promptly closed the match again.

If you ask me, some people have such huge egos that they insist on being the dumper instead of the dumpee.
 
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TnPeach is offline TnPeach Post #7  August 10,2009, 7:09pm
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I am new to eharmony. I sent an ice breaker to someone who peaked my interest both physically and their profile. He had a beautiful smile. I sent him a "love your smile" and he sent me a "wink", I initiated guided communication and he closed communication saying he had too much going on his life and was taking a break from dating. I was wondering why it always has to be about dating from the get go? I was disappointed because I would like to have corresponded and got to know him better. It didn't have to be dating. Have I got the wrong attitude? Also once communication is closed can they re-open later or is that match gone for good?
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #8  August 10,2009, 7:49pm
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TnPeach wrote :
... I was wondering why it always has to be about dating from the get go? I was disappointed because I would like to have corresponded and got to know him better. It didn't have to be dating. Have I got the wrong attitude?
I'm not interested in corresponding with guys online just for the sake of corresponding. I want to meet someone to date. I think the vast majority of people are on dating sites for the very same reason and don't want to collect a bunch of pen pals.

I wouldn't call your attitude "wrong," but it does not mesh very well with most people you're going to meet online.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #9  August 10,2009, 7:55pm
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To the OP: What you interpreted as a "quite bitter" response from your match may have been nothing of the sort. It could have just been matter-of-fact but without any voice inflections you read it the way you wanted to. His closing for not being interested because of statements in your profile is actually spot-on according to the way you described how you didn't meet his specific criteria, so I don't see what you're so upset about.

There's no need for all the snarky retorts and trying to get him to reopen just so you can close him. Life's too short for those kinds of games.

Next time you can tell you're not a match for someone, just close and move on. You don't even have to reply to the icebreaker.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #10  August 10,2009, 8:23pm
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Nothing to see here at all...

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Basic Instinct?
 
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