50% closed with reason other on first communication


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mzzButterfly is offline mzzButterfly Post #1  July 21,2009, 10:37pm
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I'm new to the site. About 20% not 50% the matchs that I sent first communication to, closed the communication with a reason of Other. Is 20% (former typo was 50%) instant closure normal? They are supposed to be matches, not random ppl.

I reread what I wrote in my profile. Nothing I wrote is too arrogant or off the wall, or anything, I don't think, and i'm attractive looking.
I'm not getting it.
I'm not taking it personally, just curious.

I was wondering if I could ask them if anyting I wrote in my profile alarmed them, because whether or not they continue to talk to me, I want to fix my profile.
I can't send a custom question like that to them through the interface.
How can send them a question like "What , if anyting, that I wrote in my profile alarmed them?"?
How can have a consultant from eharmony look at it?


-MzzButterfly
Last edited by mzzButterfly; July 22,2009 at 6:36am.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #2  July 22,2009, 6:25am
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How can anyone give you an informed answer without any profile information or a picture?
 
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mzzButterfly is offline mzzButterfly Post #3  July 22,2009, 6:30am
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Ok, its 5 closed out of 7 closed matches that said other, out of 23 total "comunicating" matches. That's less 20%, not 50%.

I have 23 in communicating matches, most of which are "waiting for his answers", which I gather from the site are probably unsuscribing users.

but question still remains on what Other means, and if anything in my profile is alarming.

I added my picture.
Last edited by mzzButterfly; July 22,2009 at 6:37am.
 
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CA_Gal_2009 is offline CA_Gal_2009 Post #4  July 22,2009, 6:38am
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You can copy and paste your profile onto this site and people can take a look at it and let you know if they see any red flags or areas you can improve upon (I found this very helpful and made some good changes based on the responses I got).

As for the matches who closed you, there is no way to find out what 'other' means, unfortunately.
Last edited by CA_Gal_2009; July 22,2009 at 6:38am. Reason: Spelling correction
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #5  July 22,2009, 6:40am
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I don't know what their problem is. Your (just posted) photos are certainly enough to entice someone to take a closer look.

Keep in mind that this internet matching thing is a numbers game with slim odds. You need to cast a wide net. Communicate with as many people as you feel comfortable with and don't be afraid to initiate communication. You're paying money for the service so take full advantage of it.

Get used to being closed out and don't take it personal. 'Other' is just a quick lazy person's way to end it. They probably don't like something in your profile but don't want to hurt your feelings.

Just keep on keepin' on. Good luck.
 
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mzzButterfly is offline mzzButterfly Post #6  July 22,2009, 6:50am
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ok, here goes. My profile is below. Criticize me!

1. What are you most passionate about?
sports like volleyball, table tennis. Analytical games like poker. Would love to find time to pursue training in dance, film projects.
I am up for anything. I love learning and getting into new hobbies, experiencing new things. I want a partner to be as adventurous as me.

2.What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?
1.My parents who pushed me to go college and get a career. The career enables me not to worry about money as much as many people in NJ.
2.My friends who are there to make laughs together and support each other.
3.Being born in this century so I can pursue anything.

3.Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?
People who helped me when I was depressed. I would not have pursued a career if I was still in that rut. but I have not been depressed ever since, cause it was resolved, and never get depressed anymore, generally happy ever since.

4. The four things your friends say about you are:
Energetic
Intelligent
Spontaneous
Perceptive

5. What are three of your BEST life-skills? Finding creative solutions to everyday problems
Being a good friend and companion
Finding new adventures and unique experiences

6. What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?
Adventurous. To want to experience new things and learn new things together.

7. Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?
Enthusiastic about new ideas or things to try.
Very direct and honest, say what's on my mind.

8. What is the ONE thing that people DON'T notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD?
Because I wear glasses, people will assume that I am shy and just about being serious.
Though, after awhile, they realize I like to joke around, playfully, kindly tease people, have fun, but I do like a mix of deep, open conversations, even ones where we are figuring out, learning a new thing.

9. How do you typically spend your leisure time?
Actively playing volleyball, table tennis currently.
Trying any sport possible, e,g, kayaking, snow boarding.
Just got a motorcycle license, getting into riding and learning about bikes.
Play free poker in a league, not gambling that much.
Watch movies.
I would get into anything intellectual, like D&D, learning a topic with a partner, e.g., anything related to science, physics, engineering, health, film, suggest it , and ill try it with you, but can you be open to my hobbies?

10. What are five things that you "can't live without?"
Passion at work or hobby
Friends
Love And Sex, preferably together
Freedom to pursue anything in this 21st century
Family

11. Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?
I read mostly on the web about health, news. Not much fiction, only cause I rather discuss with people about the topics, not just read alone.

12. Describe one thing about yourself that only your best friends know.
You'll have to befriend me to find that out.

13. Is there any additional information you would like your matches to know about you?
Flag line-confident woman with active life, with engineering degree, career, seeks adventures, laughs, flirtations, mutually challenging, stimulating, intellectual conversations with attractive, confident, generous man. With all of that, relationship may blossom and continue to grow as we learn new things, hobbies together, while still maintaining our own social life, hobbies, work. Any better ideas? i'm open.
 
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carose is offline carose Post #7  July 22,2009, 7:00am
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YIKES, you mention the word DEPRESSED three times - take that OUT!

sorry - that is like putting mousetraps out in the kitchen in the middle of a dinner party... people don't want to know that you may have had mice running around before they arrived...and that they might come back. Mental health issues are private, like medical records and it is nobody's business -
Also, you mention love and sex together...hmmmm, what are you saying? Are you saying you won't have sex till you are in love? You may not want to tackle that in the profile.

Good Luck!
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #8  July 22,2009, 7:02am
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An engineer from New Jersey ! Say no more !
 
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mzzButterfly is offline mzzButterfly Post #9  July 22,2009, 7:07am
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carose wrote :
YIKES, you mention the word DEPRESSED three times - take that OUT!

sorry - that is like putting mousetraps out in the kitchen in the middle of a dinner party... people don't want to know that you may have had mice running around before they arrived...and that they might come back. Mental health issues are private, like medical records and it is nobody's business -
Also, you mention love and sex together...hmmmm, what are you saying? Are you saying you won't have sex till you are in love? You may not want to tackle that in the profile.

Good Luck!

I figured. but I said my baggage is resolved and I'm happy and emotionally sound ever since.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #10  July 22,2009, 7:08am
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Hi, MzzButterfly; welcome to eHA.

With respect to your initial question, it really means "nothing" that you are being closed with the "other" response. There is simply no way to know which of a thousand different reasons (anything from it was the closest option to the bottom of the page, to their not caring for brown hair) someone might choose that option when they close you. And, it doesn't really matter; closed is closed, so just move on to the next match.

A few comments on your profile....

Drawing attention to your depression is not a good strategy for a profile. It's a big accomplishment for you to have conquered your depression, but that's something to share later. In this context, it is simply a way for your matches to weed you out. You could instead say something like "Someone who helped me a great deal when I was having an especially tough time in my life. She/he really helped me get out of a rut and motivated me to pursue my engineering career."

Please try to think of something to put for number 12 instead of the current non-answer. It doesn't need to be something deeply personal; any little quirky or fun fact about you is fine to put there, too.

Take out the reference to gambling - your "not that much" qualifier will be interpreted as "gambles a lot but won't admit it"...lol.

I'm not sure that the "singles ad" at the end is necessary. I will note that, based on the comments of a number of men on these boards (who may or may not be representative of your own match pool), saying that you are looking for a generous man gets interpreted as "a man who will buy me things and support me." I know that's not what you mean, but know that some men interpret it that way.

Your profile will read much better if you use complete sentences to convey the information instead of fragments and phrases.
Last edited by neardc; July 22,2009 at 7:10am.
 
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