Using eHarmony: 5 Must Read Tips


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Robert_inSD is offline Robert_inSD Post #1  July 18,2009, 5:55am
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Dear eHarmony Advice Host Renee,
Your article contains many valuable tips for eHarmony customers.  I would recommend that an email with a link to it, be sent to new "Free Communication Weekend" subscribers that are "testing the waters".  I would also recommend that all read the article with attention.  There are many helpful suggestions within the details.
My specific comments upon those details:
Section 1: Be Open ...  Flexible matching found me a match that has just amazed me.  (Wish me luck! Wow!)  However, I do find that living in a dense population area sometimes overwhelms me with new introductions. 
Section 2: Communicate ... Such is always true, throughout any relationship.  When I respond to guided communication questions, I rarely, if ever, use the click-choice responses.  My matches have all complimented me on this behaviour.
Section 3: Don't Close Too Soon ... I'm glad to have such advice presented.  The lady who is winning my heart took some time to first contact me.  At first I thought I was being lazy by not closing matches, but this just goes to show you that keeping the possibilities open, is the right choice.  Actually, I do manage to close about  half of my introductions for various reasons.  This still leave too many with which to communicate during my spare time.  Too simply my life, I sometimes turn off new introductions, so I can concentrate upon those who have made contact with me.
Section 4: Stay Positive! ... You said it all.
Section 5: Remember ... The One! ... Being selective, and taking one's time, are both vital.  My match and I discussed this during our first date.  Getting to really know someone takes time. 
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Renee is offline eH_Advice_Host_Renee Post #2  July 22,2009, 1:55pm

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Dear Robert_inSD,

I am so happy to hear that you thought my article contained valuable tips, and I appreciate your recommendation!

It is especially great to hear that your approach to finding that special someone on eHarmony has coincided with my tips and has resulted in you finding someone you feel is truly amazing! Your experience really illustrates the benefits of flexible matching and patience.

Regarding communication, it's easy to see why your decision to, more than not, write out answers to your matches' questions has resulted in such positive response from your matches. Doing so, really shows them that you are fully invested in the process of communicating and allows them to get a better sense of who you are when you provide personalized answers.

I sincerely hope that other members will find my tips helpful and, like you, will share any tips they may have to help other eHarmony members have a successful experience.

I wish you and your special match all the best. Please let us know how things progress!

All the best,

-Renee
eHarmony Advice Host
 
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howlong is offline howlong Post #3  July 22,2009, 3:25pm
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I would say dont be afraid to communicate with someone. If you know they have a deal breaker then close them simple. But if their profile isnt completely filled out doesnt mean they are too lazy to fill it out, they may just trying to be mysterious. Just communicate, you never know what you will found out about yourself in the process.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Renee is offline eH_Advice_Host_Renee Post #4  July 24,2009, 5:43pm

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howlong wrote :
I would say dont be afraid to communicate with someone. If you know they have a deal breaker then close them simple. But if their profile isnt completely filled out doesnt mean they are too lazy to fill it out, they may just trying to be mysterious. Just communicate, you never know what you will found out about yourself in the process.
Hi howlong,

Thanks for joining the discussion! So glad you agree with my Tip #5!

Also, as I mentioned, new members sometimes need time to fill out their About Me page completely. You'd be surprised how many new members don't realize they haven't completed that page! As many of you have probably experienced, it can take time to create a dynamic profile and really get a handle on how to best use our site.

Of course, we want you to get the most out of your eHarmony experience as soon as possible and that is why I wanted to share my "5 Must Read Tips," and why Kate wrote: Online Dating: Top 5 Tips for Using eHarmony.

While we cover some of the same areas, Kate shares a perspective which I'm sure will resonate with many members. If you haven't already read her article, I encourage you to do so:

Online Dating: Top 5 Tips for Using eHarmony.

I appreciate and look forward to reading other member comments!

All the best,

-Renee
eHarmony Advice Host
 
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PEACHEZ2744 is offline PEACHEZ2744 Post #5  August 14,2009, 5:51am
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Several years ago, a girlfriend transferred the remaining balance on her account to me. I had not been on eHarmony for a few years. As I went out to delete old information, someone popped up as a match. I read about him, and, something he said irritated me. He said he was looking for an attractive female...yet he did not have his photo posted. I wanted to question him about this. We communicated. We actually married shortly thereafter. He passed away last year, and I am considering the possibility of using eHarmony again. My relationship was not the only success story. My girlfriend, who had transferred her balance to me, also found and married her match. Matches work in strange ways. Communication is the first step. Don't give up!
Last edited by PEACHEZ2744; August 14,2009 at 5:52am. Reason: correct wording
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  August 14,2009, 6:03am
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PEACHEZ2744 wrote :
Several years ago, a girlfriend transferred the remaining balance on her account to me. I had not been on eHarmony for a few years. As I went out to delete old information, someone popped up as a match. I read about him, and, something he said irritated me. He said he was looking for an attractive female...yet he did not have his photo posted. I wanted to question him about this. We communicated. We actually married shortly thereafter. He passed away last year, and I am considering the possibility of using eHarmony again. My relationship was not the only success story. My girlfriend, who had transferred her balance to me, also found and married her match. Matches work in strange ways. Communication is the first step. Don't give up!
Seems like since your success stories are successes that happened early into the process that maybe I SHOULD give up since I have been here nearly two years with no true success.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Renee is offline eH_Advice_Host_Renee Post #7  August 22,2009, 5:38pm

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Dear Gr8Guyn2008,

I certainly understand why you talk about possibly giving up when you've already dedicated 2 years to your search and have still not been successfully matched. No doubt you are continually weighing the pros and cons of our site as time goes on, and I am glad that you have decided at this time to continue your search.

Please believe that we want you to help you find that special person as soon as possible. To help you make the most of the time you are on our site, to support your success, and to provide encouragment so you have a positive eHarmony experience, I wanted to share the following comments, and I hope they will be received in the spirit in which they are offered.

1. Though you may not have been successfully matched after 2 years, this experience does not predict future success. Every day 1000's of new members join eHarmony and every day there is a chance that you will be successfully matched.

2. You always have the ability to reevaluate your profile to ensure that your profile and photos are the best they can be. Are your About Me answers as detailed as possible? It is often those little details that catch a match's attention. Have you posted 12 photos, and do they provide your matches with the fullest view of your personality and lifestyle possible?

3. You always have the ability to reevaluate your matching preferences to make sure they are set optimally, allowing us the widest pool possible to search for your matches. If there is any way you can widen a setting without compromising an important preference, why not do so? You've got nothing to lose and can always narrow them again!

4. If your About Me profile is as good as it can be, your match preferences are set as widely as possible, and you are communicating with most if not all of your matches, the truth is, being successfully matched is really a matter of synchronicity. You and that special match need to be on eHarmony at the same time. So if you aren't a member...

5. However, sometimes the best thing to do is to take a break from your search. But that doesn't mean you still can't find The One on our site. I encourage you to read following success story submitted by Phil: http://tr.im/wUI8

In it he shares that he had been on eHarmony for 4 years and "had just about given up and I went off eHarmony for a while. Then last January I decided to give it another shot." He met Stephanie, they were engaged the end of last year, and he closes by saying "It took 41 years to find the love of my life; but it was worth it!!"

All the best,

-Renee
eHarmony Advice Host
 
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BuzWeaver is offline BuzWeaver Post #8  August 22,2009, 6:24pm
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Sometimes I wonder if I don't close people out to soon, then of course if they had some level of interest the fact I closed them may completely turn them off.

I'm finding that despite how well you write your profile or how well you respond to questions something can be misunderstood or send the wrong signal to some people.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Renee is offline eH_Advice_Host_Renee Post #9  August 28,2009, 11:06am

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Dear BuzWeaver (and Everyone),

I am certainly glad that you are giving this some thought because you may decide that you need to be a little more open-minded or patient when it comes to communicating with matches and this change may be the thing that helps you find that special match! In fact, in his post above, Robert_inSD shares that "The lady who is winning my heart took some time to first contact me."

From your post, I wasn't sure if you were referring to closing matches without commmunicating at all or closing them out because you haven't received a prompt response or both. In either the case, I feel that erring on the side of being open-minded and/or being patient will better support your success by increasing your chances of not losing out on a great opportunity.

That is why 1 of my 5 Tips encourages members to be open to communicating with most, if not all, of their matches, and for giving your matches time to respond. Don't forget, if a match hasn't responded within 7 days, you can send a Communication Nudge!

Also, it is true that, despite your best efforts, written communications don't have the inflections or accompanying facial expressions which spoken communications do; so something written or read may not come accross exactly as intended. So I encourage members to give their matches the benefit of the doubt.

If everything else about a match's profile looks good, but there is a comment or answer which causes you a little concern or if you aren't sure what's being said, start or continue communication until give your match the opportunity to clarify. That is the only way you can know if it was just a misunderstanding or if this person may not have the potential to be The One.

I welcome members to read my 5 Tips and let me know if they have worked for you or if you have questions about them or if you have any comments to share.

All the best,

-Renee
eHarmony Advice Host

p.s. Just a thought...if you are not sure about how something you've written in your About Me page may come across, have a friend or family member take a look at it and see what they think!
 
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countryboy1957 is offline countryboy1957 Post #10  February 14,2010, 2:38pm
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Do I have to wait for ehamony to match me or I scan through profiles and check them out myself?
 
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