planesntrains is offline planesntrains Post #11  December 28,2007, 2:36pm
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Ladydmw, I have seen the same thing! The guy will request a photo before anything else and not even have a their own photo posted. What's up with that? The other thing I find strange is that I'll be closed for not having a photo. That, to me, is shallow when that is the first step of communication they request. Why not at least see if you have something in common first, THEN request a photo and see if there is a physical spark. When I don't have my photo posted, I do receive less interest, but I feel that the guy is more sincere in wanting to know a bit of background about me before the 'face shot' is revealed. Back to the initial question, we are paying for the service, might as well show interest first if you really see potential!
 
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Bobby is offline Bobby Post #12  December 28,2007, 6:00pm
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Remember that it's the holiday season right now, and responses may be slow as a result. I'm 100% guilty of this and I feel bad about it, but this holiday season is extremely busy for me and has commanded most of my free time time. As a result, I've had trouble keeping up with my matches and requests-to-communicate, though I have a genuine desire to do so. Once the new year is upon us, things will get back to normal for many people, and hopefully response times will get better. As a side note, I don't think 1-2 days between communications is very odd at all for someone who has a stable career. Heck, I'm on the computer ALL DAY as part of my job, but our Internet usage is monitored/recorded and we're not allowed to even check personal email, much less spend time on a site like eHarmony.com. So, even though I'm 100% committed to this process and hoping to find my soul mate, I just can't always respond right away. A day or two is about average for me.
 
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daabtz is offline daabtz Post #13  December 29,2007, 7:00am
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Bobby
I appreciate your view, and do recognize that it's the holday season and life can get very very busy. BUT...I have 14 matches that I initated communication with over 2 weeks ago and not one of them has bothered to respond, put on hold or close the match. I will wait until after the New Year holiday and then close them out if there is still no communication.
 
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foxycdnlady is offline foxycdnlady Post #14  December 29,2007, 1:35pm
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good replies i see why shouldnt we ladies initiate the first contact....life will pass you buy if you just sit around and wait for the guy without the photo.. We humans are very visual, not fair if you men insist on a pic when you dont bother to post one up front. We pay for this service and I for one wont sit around waiting for the first contact...most of the men who responded to this question, love the assertive..lady..If you dont go out and get what you want. You only have yourself to blame. good luck happy hunting..
 
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willsucceed is offline willsucceed Post #15  December 30,2007, 6:54am
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I have no hesitation in initiating contact. First of all, the reason I'm here is no secret - I need help in finding my soulmate - so if I choose to invest time and money in eharmony, I must have some measure of confidence in the site...so why are we playing games. If we find a match might be interesting, why not go for it and begin communication? If this turns off a guy, then at least I know he's definitely not the right one for me!
 
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Steve211 is offline Steve211 Post #16  December 30,2007, 4:06pm
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Monday is usually cutdown day. That's when I close all the matches that haven't responded to request for them to post a photo or haven't responded to my first questions after at least seven days. Since it's Christmas season I'm going to wait an extra week. As for the ladies who don't post pictures, I think that they're living in a fantasy world. They seem to think that unlike real life, appearance doesn't matter. Why on earth would a guy initiate contact with a woman that he has no attraction to?
 
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carolina girl is offline carolina girl Post #17  January 3,2008, 3:36pm
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Well, Steve211, perhaps this is hard for a man to grasp, but I guess my hope is that a guy might initiate contact with a woman based on something other than her physical appearance in a picture - for example, because something in her profile is interesting to him. If someone requests it, I will always release my pictures immediately, but they move down a peg or two in my estimation if the picture is the first thing they request. Maybe I am foolish, but there are so many more important things to me than how someone photographs, and I would appreciate a like-minded guy rather than someone who selects me based on how I look - or don't look! Nothing makes me close out a guy faster than to read in his profile that he wants "a lady who is no more than 5 or 10 lbs overweight"!! What pork!!
 
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Golfhack is offline Golfhack Post #18  September 7,2009, 8:42am
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bkillion wrote :
When I first signed up, about 6 or 7 matches were given to me. For days I checked - none of them initiated communication. Finally, one did, and we communicated a little, but didn't hit it off. Then I started communicaiton with another match. A week after our first phone call, he emailed that he was pursuing another relationship.
Because eHarmony encourages iniating communication quickly, I sent first questions to the next two matches that came to me. Neither of them has replied. Iniate or wait for them to initiate - either way, the communication is a challenge.
BK,

Count your blessings. At least you are given a pool of better than expected matches. Try any other website and you will tons of spam, scammers, and sexual innuendos. I am still figuring this site out but it looks promising.

People are busy but the nice thing is they have to close out stuff sooner or later or will NOT get new hopefuls. Another good filter to dead profiles, I hope.
 
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