Mentioning "divorced" on your profile or sharing that later


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raj_007 is offline raj_007 Post #1  July 12,2009, 8:26pm
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What do you suggest?

Mentioning "divorced" on the profile itself or perhaps keep that under wraps for sharing later after a few dates?
 
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bravethestorm is offline bravethestorm Post #2  July 12,2009, 9:22pm
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Personally I think it should be revealed before the first date. Whether it is on the profile or not...it should show up at least in open communication.

It's when someone says a lot of negative things about their ex on the profile that I close a divorced guy. One of those situations where someone wants to know you are over your ex and ready to date whether you've been married or not.

Waiting several dates would make me wonder what else has been hidden...so I think that would be a bad plan.

Just think about how you want to word it when the subject comes up and keep it on a positive. Most probably wouldn't want the details but a general reason(s) of why it didn't work and what you learned. Also things like custody if you have kids.
 
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FengShuiBlackBelt is offline FengShuiBlackBelt Post #3  July 13,2009, 12:40am
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If you're in your late 30s or older, being divorced can actually be more of an asset than a liability. I find that women are suspicious of never-married older men and prefer men with similar life experience.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  July 13,2009, 5:30am
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Depending on your age it would be assumed that you are divorced. I ask my matches to tell me a bit about themselves such where they were born, grew up and how they came to be living in my city now. While I did not say "are you divorced?" this would be a time when they could reveal that they are divorced.

In my age group it is more important to me that they would reveal that they are widowed because I will assume they are divorced and I have had a very unsatisfactory experience with the widows that I have dated.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  July 13,2009, 5:32am
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FengShuiBlackBelt wrote :
If you're in your late 30s or older, being divorced can actually be more of an asset than a liability. I find that women are suspicious of never-married older men and prefer men with similar life experience.
Some find that someone who is older and never married to come with no baggage.
 
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sabete2002 is offline sabete2002 Post #6  July 13,2009, 5:45am
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The way you word your question would suggest that you see being divorced as some sort of stigma. There is really nothing wrong with being divorced. Many of us are.

As someone pointed out, not mentioning at the get go could lead to someone thinking that you have other things to hide. You're divorced. It's a fact. Women who prefer not to date divorced men will know so nobody wastes any time getting to know you and you them. Besides, I think you'll find that very few people will have a problem with it.
 
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trailviews is offline trailviews Post #7  July 14,2009, 3:57am
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raj_007 wrote :
What do you suggest?

Mentioning "divorced" on the profile itself or perhaps keep that under wraps for sharing later after a few dates?
In your profile, please!!!

It's unfathomable that some people think this is info they can withhold until it's convenient.
 
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coffeegeek is offline coffeegeek Post #8  July 14,2009, 7:04am
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trailviews wrote :
In your profile, please!!!

It's unfathomable that some people think this is info they can withhold until it's convenient.
What? I'm not advocating that people hide their divorced status, but you make it sound like they're with holding a criminal record or something. I would think when you're asking if someone is divorced or not, you really want to know how they treat the other person in a relationship, how they handle conflict, how committed they are to trying to work things out, and what to expect should you ever break up, right? So why not just ask that instead?

I would think considering the average age of EH members, you can assume they've had at least 1 serious, long term relationship with another person. You have to ask yourself how much different is that from being married then divorced. If you say "it's totally different!", then would it be cool with you if someone had several serious, long term relationships in which they cheated, didn't manage conflict well, and they ended terribly?

bravethestorm wrote :
Personally I think it should be revealed before the first date. Whether it is on the profile or not...it should show up at least in open communication.
Yeah, I think OC is where this belongs. Just putting in your profile doesn't really give you the space to talk about it if it happens to be important to the other person. Everyone has their own concerns and conditions they want addressed and it's impossible to do that when you're limited to 500 characters or whatever. Definitely make it known before the first date though.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #9  July 14,2009, 11:30am
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As far as divorced, single or widowed goes, that's a preference and age issue and how someone calls it.. no baggage, no experience?.It's assumed on eHarmony that you are available for a relationship. I don't care much for profiles that go on about their previous relationship. Instant closures are: "my ex..." "my late husband"... "learned from my divorce"...etc.,etc. They have not moved on ...at all.. . Obviously at some point early on, your marital status will come up and should be disclosed, but talk about you and what you have to offer in the future, not the past.
raj_007 wrote :
What do you suggest?

Mentioning "divorced" on the profile itself or perhaps keep that under wraps for sharing later after a few dates?
 
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PoliticalChick01 is offline PoliticalChick01 Post #10  July 14,2009, 11:58am
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I personally would want to know right off the bat instead of waiting to hear on the first date as I feel that if you are leaving that important part off right from the start, then what else are you holding back on.

Being single is not the same as being divorced as a lot of people try to counter and defend their status.

Just like I wouldn't want to be sprung on our first date after many conversations by phone or by email that they have children.

I personally prefer to date men that have never been married and or/have no children as I don't want the hassle of the crazy ex-wife or baby mamma drama.

Being up front gives people the chance to either deal with it or not and why waste your time and others if you are not what they are looking for or lying/misleading them right from the start.
 
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