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Jenexa Jenexa is offline
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Hi everyone,

I've been using eHarmony for a while now and am noticing a distinct trend with the men. I would say, that 9 out of 10 of my matches do absolutely nothing - they don't initiate communication, they don't answer my questions and they don't close the match. Of those that do engage in communication, 9 out of 10 of them disappear at some point - again, not even bothering to close the match. Are any of the other women out there experiencing the same pattern? Has anyone else had this same situation but found a way to increase the number of communications from their matches? I'm feeling extremely frustrated!!!
- July 6th, 2009, 01:16 pm
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brneyedangel brneyedangel is offline
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brneyedangel would greatly appreciate it if her voice would find its way back to her!

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You may be attempting to communicate with non-paying members. This is an issue that many people feel a great deal of frustration about, because while non-paying members are matched with paying members, they cannot communicate unless they become paying members of eHarmony. This could be the reason why you have so many matches who are not communicating.

There are those, though, who may need a little encouragement to communicate. Have you attempted to communicate with any of these men, or are you waiting for them to communicate with you? There's nothing wrong with sending an icebreaker or first questions if you are interested in someone based on their profile. Don't wait for them to say something to you, go ahead and get the ball rolling!

As for those who just disappear while communicating, well, that's called poofing. Unfortunately, not everyone is blessed with social graces, and as a result, they just vanish rather than coming right out and saying they have met someone else or that they are no longer interested.

Despite all of this, I would encourage you to not give up! Yes, it's frustrating, but just close out those matches and focus on those who are more to your liking.

Best wishes to you!
- July 7th, 2009, 12:59 pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
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Gr8Guyn2008 I'm in love and always will be ... All that was there will be there still

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Jenexa wrote :
Hi everyone,

I've been using eHarmony for a while now and am noticing a distinct trend with the men. I would say, that 9 out of 10 of my matches do absolutely nothing - they don't initiate communication, they don't answer my questions and they don't close the match. Of those that do engage in communication, 9 out of 10 of them disappear at some point - again, not even bothering to close the match. Are any of the other women out there experiencing the same pattern? Has anyone else had this same situation but found a way to increase the number of communications from their matches? I'm feeling extremely frustrated!!!
Join the club this is a general problem with everyone and is not gender specific. brneyedangel has the answer, non-paying members.
- July 7th, 2009, 01:06 pm
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Bandmate Bandmate is offline
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Jenexa wrote :
Hi everyone,

I've been using eHarmony for a while now and am noticing a distinct trend with the men. I would say, that 9 out of 10 of my matches do absolutely nothing - they don't initiate communication, they don't answer my questions and they don't close the match. Of those that do engage in communication, 9 out of 10 of them disappear at some point - again, not even bothering to close the match. Are any of the other women out there experiencing the same pattern? Has anyone else had this same situation but found a way to increase the number of communications from their matches? I'm feeling extremely frustrated!!!

I cancelled my account two months ago and have received about 20 matches since then and three requested communication and i'm not about to rejoin just to talk to them,so yes non paying members are a big part of the problem.
- July 7th, 2009, 04:17 pm
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Jenexa Jenexa is offline
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Thanks everyone for your responses. It seems that it is a common problem and at least I don't need to take it too personally! It would be nice if eHarmony indicated matches as paying or non-paying so that we don't waste our energy on those who are unable to communicate.
Good luck to you in your search!
- July 7th, 2009, 05:43 pm
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Zev Zev is offline
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Am I correct in assuming non-paying members cannot post pictures?
- July 7th, 2009, 07:54 pm
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passat1 passat1 is offline
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Join the club this is a general problem with everyone and is not gender specific. brneyedangel has the answer, non-paying members.
It's Ok about the non paying matches and everyone understands the the fact they won't be able to communicate if they don't paid. However when it comes to the free weekend, then completely doesn't matter who is paid member and who is not. Yet I have some 50 matches, who did not showed any signs of life, neither looked me, nor closed my profile.
It seems the problem is somewhere deeper rather than who paid and who did not. Why would someone be wasting time and put efforts in completing the relationship questionnaire if not willing to make the steps futher ahead?
I can't find an explanation for what is this match doing at Eharmony:

"Just know that I am truly, 100% looking for love. I'm looking for that person who can be my partner and my friend - who will love me unconditionally and who will let me love them back. I know that I want to be married - I want to have children and a family. Those things are very important to me. So that is what I'm looking for."

Yet 3 free weekends passed and neither my profile was ever viewed or closed. I don't know what to say, I havent seen that much of negligence. Oh yeah and the match seems to be active on every 2-3 weeks, pictures are rotated and exchanged, however I guess she uses the Eharmony as her billboard. - C'mon stop being an imbecile and do something, either post somewhere your email address or show your phone within the pictures. I seriously doubt how long this would go, but just for fun I will keep her open to see if this going to be the new record for silence at Eharmony!
Last edited by passat1; July 7th, 2009 at 10:57 pm.
- July 7th, 2009, 09:15 pm
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avinash avinash is offline
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I just cleared out almost 100 matches that were likely non-paying, so its not just you, just one of the more annoying aspects of eharmony
- July 7th, 2009, 10:46 pm
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Bouffy Bouffy is offline
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Matches are like that on occasion. A good rule I like to follow is the week in week out rule.

I get a match and review the profile and send an appropriate ice breaker right away.

After a week I check them out again. If there has been no response I decide if their profile is good enough to pass muster.

I tend to remove people who's profiles are incomplete. If the profile is good but they have no picture they can stay.

As time goes on I keep a week routine of cracking down on profiles.

If someone actually interests me then I'll use an icebreaker like fasttrack request. Leave it for a week, then initiate communication. And also write a fast track message.

It seems to get good results. And only paying members can fast track.

If my matches are bad, meaning not my type, or their profiles are terrible, I tend to leave them idle for a week before closing them. I'll respond with icebreakers to communication requests to give the impression I'm not a paying member and eventually just close them out.

If they are crazy terrible I'll close them right away. I've done that with maybe 3 or 4. It's not common.

Of course I get a new match or two each day. I can be a little pickier than others who get fewer.

Out of 100 matches I start communication with maybe 10; Of those I get to open communication with 4; I close out 20; 20 close me and 10 start with me. The rest hang in limbo.

I tend to purge matches who do nothing after a few months unless their profiles are cool in which case they end up hanging in my communication folder anyways.
- July 8th, 2009, 07:03 am
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aingr aingr is offline
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I also have that issue with no responses. I send questions if I am interested, have not heard back from any of them. I just figured they see that I have kids and dont respond. But it could be they aren't paying. I dont see the point for people to keep their matching on if they are not paying since they cannot communicate any how.
- July 8th, 2009, 07:34 am
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