OC--to flirt or not to flirt


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SMRTRTHNU is offline SMRTRTHNU Post #1  July 5,2009, 10:32am
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should be writing a ten page sociology paper....ugh

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I am currently in OC with a match. We skipped the questions and answers because we seemed to have so much in common based on our profiles, and went straight to OC.

I am naturally just a bit flirty, but this guy is turning out to be dryer than the Sahara. We've only discussed the obvious similarities found in our profiles, and my attempts at humor ( which most find mildly hilarious--or at least flirty ) are either ignored, or go completely over this guys head, or worse, are followed by some not so funny ( to me ) humor. ( though there were elements of his profile I found funny )

I'm throwing this out there because, of course what we are discussing in our OC is important, but it's just not fun.

Should it be fun? If it's not fun, does that mean we are not compatible?

For me, sense of humor and intelligence are two of the most important qualities a match could have, and while I think there is some intelligence there, that sense of humor and sense of fun and sense of "flirty-ness" just isn't there...so far...

Should these things be immediate?
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #2  July 5,2009, 10:39am
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I am not the first to say it, communicating with someone should indeed be fun. I am like you I suppose judging from what you said in that I will make jokes, and that I will also be flirty when getting to know someone that I am interested in. If my jokes go over her head, or she doesn't enjoy my humor or if I just feel like I am not enjoying talking to her than I won't pursue the relationship. I love conversation, I want to be with someone that I love conversing with. Some people are terrible conversationalists, and they date other terrible conversationalists. One of my friends remarked the other day that he saw one our mutual friends out with his girlfriend and they were reading the paper. That works for some but wouldn't work at all for me.

Not everything is going to be immediate, but if you are already having doubts than I might double think everything. Because getting to know new people should be exciting, if they make it exciting.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  July 5,2009, 10:43am
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Personally, I would meet the person in a case like this.
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neardc is offline neardc Post #4  July 5,2009, 10:50am
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I agree with D_Lion (). There is not a whole lot that you can tell at this point.

Perhaps he doesn't flirt with women he's never met (or even seen)? Or, he may not be adept at online flirting. In any event, better that he be more comfortable interacting in real life than online than the reverse (which is, I fear, what one finds more commonly when meeting people online...).

If he seems interesting, propose meeting. If not, then close the match and move on.
 
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blrdancer is offline blrdancer Post #5  July 5,2009, 11:02am
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I agree with some of the previous posters I don't put too much stock in OC in terms of determining chemistry. OC may be a good way to screen for major red flags but it's not always telling of a person's true communication style.

I've had guys that were flirty, charming and witty in e-mail -- but dry as can be in person. And some that were pretty dull in e-mail but a ton of fun in person. Even for myself, I find that even though I joke around a lot in real life, I don't do it very much in first e-mail communications -- because it's just far to easy to be mis-read or misunderstood.

Unless there's something else that you're concerned about -- I'd probably go ahead and meet him.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #6  July 5,2009, 11:19am
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neardc wrote :
I agree with D_Lion ().

Way to go!
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #7  July 5,2009, 7:30pm
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Me too. Agree with dLion!

Humor is important to me too. Who doesn't want to laugh every day? But humor over the internet is touchy. The people I find quite humorous on the internet---how would it be in real life? Some people can SEEM very dry---might be amusing as heck? in person.

I think humor on the internet might be equated to being photogenic. It may or may not live up to expectations.

What have you got to lose? A little bit of time, maybe? Your avatar wants to go for it...
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #8  July 5,2009, 7:45pm
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I guess the difference for me, is where I am presently living. As I have mentioned before all of my matches have been at least an hour away, many of them 2-3 hours away. While that is close enough to visit a few times a week (at least over the weekends) we will still likely communicate via text messages and the internet during the week (at least during the beginning stages of our relationship). So the ability to communicate over the internet is something that I find important and I still stand by the fact that overall communication should be enjoyable.
 
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BobinFla is offline BobinFla Post #9  July 5,2009, 7:55pm
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So many of us are not the best at writing our feelings. That is why I like to go through the questions, it gives you the chance to learn a little bit about the other person.

He might be a person that needs to feel that he knows you before he can kid around. Give him a chance, unless he gets way out in left field, you might find a diamond in the rough.

Good luck in your search.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  July 6,2009, 5:43am
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Well this thread is messed up so I can't see the OP or first 4 replies so I am only going on the title and replies that I can see.

When the situation is appropriate I think flirting with your match is a good thing. However mostly in Second Questions and Open Communication, at least early on, you are trying to get specific information about each other so flirting may not be what is needed.

Hope that is at least partly on topic.

I might add that I find it easy to flirt here but difficult with a match or in person.
Last edited by Gr8Guyn2008; July 6,2009 at 5:44am. Reason: add information
 
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