A little profile help please.


Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #1  July 4,2009, 11:32am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 18,865

See profile

All

I have this in my profile for number 1.

"A strong family life leads the way followed by good friendships.

It is important that my match be as dedicated to building a strong long term relationship as I. Be an equal partner in building the relationship. Will communicate their feelings, thoughts and desires honestly and openly, I can't read minds and my crystal ball is broken. Hopefully the ultimate goal will be marriage.

There are also many other things I care about."

Give me your opinions. Is it too strong? Should I say something differently?

TIA
 
  Reply With Quote
wordwoman is offline wordwoman Post #2  July 4,2009, 12:11pm
wordwoman's Avatar

is in contemplation

Quick Study

Joined: Mar 2009

Pacific Northwest

Posts: 221

See profile

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
"A strong family life leads the way followed by good friendships.

It is important that my match be as dedicated to building a strong long term relationship as I. Be an equal partner in building the relationship. Will communicate their feelings, thoughts and desires honestly and openly, I can't read minds and my crystal ball is broken. Hopefully the ultimate goal will be marriage.

There are also many other things I care about."
You have a crystal ball, I'm impressed. Why not send it out for repair?

On the real: One nitpick: It should be "her" not "their."
 
  Reply With Quote
j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #3  July 4,2009, 12:59pm
j0hn8andy's Avatar

.....yes, she.....Sweeps past softly, without a sigh.....

Virtuoso

Joined: Jun 2009

California

Posts: 4,848

See profile

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
All

I have this in my profile for number 1.

"A strong family life leads the way followed by good friendships.

It is important that my match be as dedicated to building a strong long term relationship as I. Be an equal partner in building the relationship. Will communicate their feelings, thoughts and desires honestly and openly, I can't read minds and my crystal ball is broken. Hopefully the ultimate goal will be marriage.

There are also many other things I care about."

Give me your opinions. Is it too strong? Should I say something differently?

TIA



To me, it sounds a little...stilted.

The strong family life, good friendships OK. The ultimate goal of marriage lets them know you are serious. So far, so good!

The next part doesn't do it for me. I would assume anybody here wants to build a strong long-term relationship. I also assume they will be equal & will make an honest attempt at communication.

Reading minds & crystal balls? To be honest, it's probably fair to say that every woman has heard that from some man at some point in their life. Usually in the midst of an argument...

I'm sure you have your reasons for saying it, but I really don't think she wants to hear it here. Not when she's looking at you with potential.

The many other things, unless enumerated, are of little help.



Here's mine:
Being surrounded by art I love.
Creating a beautiful home wherever I am.
Travel for that sense of adventure.

But I don't even have my Matches turned on. What the heck do I know?
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  July 4,2009, 1:09pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

NJ

Posts: 30,741

See profile

It’s the women’s feedback you need, but here are my thoughts:
[FONT=Arial]
 
  Reply With Quote
IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #5  July 4,2009, 1:58pm
IcecreamMoon's Avatar

Nothing to see here at all...

Virtuoso

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 2,847

See profile

Hi Gr8Guy,
I'm going to apologize right from the start to get it over with - I'm going to be a little blunt, but I'm only trying to help here

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
"A strong family life leads the way followed by good friendships.

It is important that my match be as dedicated to building a strong long term relationship as I.
I like the opener. It conveys your strong family values and appreciation of important people in your life.

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Be an equal partner in building the relationship. Will communicate their feelings, thoughts and desires honestly and openly, I can't read minds and my crystal ball is broken. Hopefully the ultimate goal will be marriage.
This part is probematic for me. I don't mean to sound too emotional, but the purpose of the profile is to convery information as well as emotion. You do well with information. But the emotion I'm getting is disillusionment and some bitterness based on past experiences. And the last thing I want to do is battle and balance out the effects of your past relationships, not right from the start. I would personally close based on this.

How about rephrasing slightly, something like

I'd love to have a crystal ball to read minds, but unfortunately it's been broken for a while now. So, I'd like to meet a lady, who will communicate her feelings, thoughts and desires honestly and openly, be my equal partner in building our relationship over time, with a shared ultimate goal of marriage.

I tried to use your own words for the most part. But it sounds a little warmer and less bitter.

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
There are also many other things I care about."
I like this part. But I would add something like "and I would love to share them with you when we meet" -

adds a little intrigue, which can never hurt, and makes it a little more personal to your reader.

Hope this is of some assistance to you.

Good luck! You sound like a Gr8Guy even n2009 to me
 
  Reply With Quote
BuddhaLite is offline BuddhaLite Post #6  July 4,2009, 6:04pm
BuddhaLite's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jan 2009

Tampa

Posts: 20

See profile

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
All

I have this in my profile for number 1.

"A strong family life leads the way followed by good friendships.

It is important that my match be as dedicated to building a strong long term relationship as I. Be an equal partner in building the relationship. Will communicate their feelings, thoughts and desires honestly and openly, I can't read minds and my crystal ball is broken. Hopefully the ultimate goal will be marriage.

There are also many other things I care about."

Give me your opinions. Is it too strong? Should I say something differently?

TIA
Isn't this what the must haves / can't stands part of communication is for?
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  July 4,2009, 6:25pm
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 18,865

See profile

IcecreamMoon thanks for the re-write I think I like it. I was feeling that I was not properly conveying what I wanted.
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  July 4,2009, 6:28pm
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 18,865

See profile

IcecreamMoon wrote :
Hi Gr8Guy,
I'm going to apologize right from the start to get it over with - I'm going to be a little blunt, but I'm only trying to help here



I like the opener. It conveys your strong family values and appreciation of important people in your life.



This part is probematic for me. I don't mean to sound too emotional, but the purpose of the profile is to convery information as well as emotion. You do well with information. But the emotion I'm getting is disillusionment and some bitterness based on past experiences. And the last thing I want to do is battle and balance out the effects of your past relationships, not right from the start. I would personally close based on this.

How about rephrasing slightly, something like

I'd love to have a crystal ball to read minds, but unfortunately it's been broken for a while now. So, I'd like to meet a lady, who will communicate her feelings, thoughts and desires honestly and openly, be my equal partner in building our relationship over time, with a shared ultimate goal of marriage.

I tried to use your own words for the most part. But it sounds a little warmer and less bitter.



I like this part. But I would add something like "and I would love to share them with you when we meet" -

adds a little intrigue, which can never hurt, and makes it a little more personal to your reader.

Hope this is of some assistance to you.

Good luck! You sound like a Gr8Guy even n2009 to me
BuddhaLite wrote :
Isn't this what the must haves / can't stands part of communication is for?
The MHCS section only allows you to select from eHarmony's canned choices. And in my experience the fastest way to get closed out is to put anything other than the most benign choices in your MHCS.
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  July 4,2009, 7:16pm
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 18,865

See profile

 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  July 4,2009, 7:38pm
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 18,865

See profile

OK here is the re-write, see if I am taking the negative edge off and getting closer to something that will work:

"A strong family life leads the way followed by good friendships.

It is important that my match be as dedicated to building a strong long term relationship as I. I'd love to have a crystal ball or read minds, but sadly no crystal ball and can't read minds So, I'd like to meet a lady, who will communicate her feelings, thoughts and desires honestly and openly, be my equal partner in building our relationship over time, hopefully with a shared ultimate goal of marriage..

There are also many other things I care about and I would love to share them with you when we meet."

TIA
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« No picture weigh-in | Using eHarmony | Why constantly 'view' my profile but not communicate for days at a time? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
What NOT to say in my "About Me" Profile SarcasticInSeattle Using eHarmony 38 July 19,2011 11:21pm
eHarmony Profile Workshop: Question 8: "What's The One Thing People Don't Notice About You...?" eHA_Admin_Lori Using eHarmony 57 November 9,2010 3:02pm
New Matches Not Viewing My Profile PrettyPeepers Using eHarmony 23 July 21,2010 6:25pm
Help! Is my profile bad, bland, or coma inducing? CorporateMofo Using eHarmony 36 September 4,2009 8:44pm
You've got a great eHA Profile! MelinCali AAA Completely Stupid Conversations 15 June 25,2009 4:30pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“It's important to understand the way a site works. Rigidly assuming / insisting that eH works likes all the others you're used to isn't utilizing the site functions to your best advantage. No.... ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “First contact on eHarmony, smile, questions, email?” discussion

“ If you have yet to meet, you don't know him or whether you two will form a connection. Connections formed over e-mail tend to be fantasies. You will see this echoed over and over by experienced ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “How do i recoonect with him again?” discussion

“ Then it's a bit premature to worry about being friend-zoned. The first step is to go out on dates! What specific steps did you try? How many women did you ask out in person? Did you buy a ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “For women to answer: How to avoid the friend zone” discussion

“ This is an old thread. She asked this in 2010. By now they are likely very exclusive or very over. ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “is there a reason to ask if we're exclusive?” discussion

“ I'm sure he wouldn't get that. And I can't be sure that was the actual message. But it sems kind of likely to me.” –  boomer_gal

Join the “Why am I not successful?” discussion

“Hi eccemuliere and welcome to eHA.On an internet forum like eHA, you're going to get a wide variety of responses; some you'll like and some you won't. It's best to focus on the ones that speak to ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Being blown off, or something else?” discussion

“ Although I have ignored my gut at times, in hindsight it's always been right, in terms of recognizing bad choices. QUOTE] But once we realize our past mistakes, we can use our reason to clue us ... ” –  eccemuliere

Join the “Is Your Gut Leading - or Misleading You?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 1:18pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0