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Emmma Emmma is offline
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I usually just go with my gut feeling but im sure its not fool proof
- July 3rd, 2009, 03:15 pm
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Wonderwoman402 Wonderwoman402 is offline
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I've had 2 requests to re-open. One was about 8 months old! I looked at his profile and decided against reopening.

The other one was a guy I closed quickly as I recognized his photo... he was someone I went out with once from another site. I could tell he was "into" me, but I felt absolutely no attraction to him. He asked me to re-open. I didn't.

As for CoastalMom's situation, I agree with D_Lion. Give him the benefit of the doubt on the e-mail thing. And you aren't necessarily "bottom of the back up list." A lot about meeting someone is timing. If it's not right for BOTH, it's not right. Just assume that for whatever reason, the timing wasn't right for him the first time around.
- July 3rd, 2009, 03:23 pm
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ad_astra ad_astra is offline
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I have been considering contacting an old match who I never closed (and who never closed me, and whose profile is still up), just to give it another try. I last talked to him about six months ago, and we had both had a great time talking on our one date but didn't feel the right (or right amount of) chemistry.

I feel like we were matched up really well, and I worry that the so-called lack of chemistry might have been because I was really nervous; it was my first eHarmony date.

So...should I???
- July 3rd, 2009, 09:51 pm
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bwr bwr is offline
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People, do not re-open matches!!

The way I see it, if I close someone or get closed by someone, there was probably a good a reason in the first place. You have to fight the lonliness feeling and stick to the reason why you bailed.

At that point, its over in my book. I have always been the type of person to move forward and never backwards.

Its kind of like when I quit a job and then went back to it years later. I had totally missed my old job as I moved on to other jobs. I finally went back to my old job, but when I got back, I realized why I had left it in the first place, and I quit again.

Sometimes its easy to think the grass is greener again back on the side you left.

I tried re-opens a couple of times and it was a disaster and waste of time, and will never "re-open" a match again, and I will never allow myself to be re-opened.

It actually really irks me when I close someone because they never responded, and then they are suddenly trying to re-open me after I close them. Why would I want to be in a relationship where I have to do something dramatic for them to respond?
- July 4th, 2009, 05:28 am
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bwr bwr is offline
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ad_astra wrote :
I have been considering contacting an old match who I never closed (and who never closed me, and whose profile is still up), just to give it another try. I last talked to him about six months ago, and we had both had a great time talking on our one date but didn't feel the right (or right amount of) chemistry.

I feel like we were matched up really well, and I worry that the so-called lack of chemistry might have been because I was really nervous; it was my first eHarmony date.

So...should I???
No, you should not!! Don't fall for this trap.

The guy should accept you for who you are - nervous or not. If you two truely respected and liked eachother, you two would overlook the nervousness and understand that being nervous is just part of dating.

He didn't reject you because you were nervous. He just was not that into you, so why try to go back to someone who was obnly marginally interested in you.

Its just easy to think it was nervousness that turn him away. I doubt it was. You could have been on your best behavior and still got rejected because there was just something that turned him away.

I have had lots of dates where I was at my best, but still got rejected.

Move on. There are plenty more where he came from.
- July 4th, 2009, 05:36 am
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D_Lion D_Lion is offline
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ad_astra wrote :
I have been considering contacting an old match who I never closed (and who never closed me, and whose profile is still up), just to give it another try. I last talked to him about six months ago, and we had both had a great time talking on our one date but didn't feel the right (or right amount of) chemistry.

I feel like we were matched up really well, and I worry that the so-called lack of chemistry might have been because I was really nervous; it was my first eHarmony date.

So...should I???

It will cost you nothing to contact this person, and it can not make you worse off than you are now.

He might not be available any longer, and I would not personally give a second effort with someone who I did not choose to see when I had the chance, but you’ll never know unless you try.
- July 4th, 2009, 08:06 am
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D_Lion D_Lion is offline
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bwr wrote :
The way I see it, if I close someone or get closed by someone, there was probably a good a reason in the first place. You have to fight the lonliness feeling and stick to the reason why you bailed.

I respect your logic, but I do not agree that people are stable and objective enough to make decisions with sufficient quality and consistency to achieve an optimal result following this method.

A match may have closed you due to them pursuing another at that time, expecting a second or third date, still influenced by feelings for an ex, being only half-heartedly dating, etc.

Unless I closed her for a reason which was still valid (like a lack of attraction or clear lifestyle incompatibility), I would allow the communication to resume. If she closed me, I would again resume the communication – though I would be skeptical of her stability, I would allow the process to unfold further.

Also, keep in mind all the misunderstandings people post of here: he didn’t call in three days; his “must have” had sex in it … the person may have been new to online dating and closed matches without really understanding how to use the process effectively.
Last edited by D_Lion; July 4th, 2009 at 09:00 am.
- July 4th, 2009, 08:25 am
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blrdancer blrdancer is offline
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I agree that if you close someone for a specific reason (i.e. not attracted, incompatibities in profile, etc.) then you shouldn't re-open.

But whether we like to admit it or not, all too often dating is a matter of timing. Maybe someone didn't respond because at the time they were dating someone and it didn't work out; maybe you were taking a break from eHarmony, etc. Too many people get caught up in the whole "I don't want to be his second choice" thinking.

My feeling is that until I've actually met someone, I haven't truly had a chance to make an impression (and vice versa) and I don't have a lot of expectations. So why not re-open if it's someone I might be interested in - no harm, no foul.
- July 4th, 2009, 08:50 am
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redevil999 redevil999 is offline
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bwr wrote :
People, do not re-open matches!!

The way I see it, if I close someone or get closed by someone, there was probably a good a reason in the first place. You have to fight the lonliness feeling and stick to the reason why you bailed.

At that point, its over in my book. I have always been the type of person to move forward and never backwards.

Its kind of like when I quit a job and then went back to it years later. I had totally missed my old job as I moved on to other jobs. I finally went back to my old job, but when I got back, I realized why I had left it in the first place, and I quit again.

Sometimes its easy to think the grass is greener again back on the side you left.

I tried re-opens a couple of times and it was a disaster and waste of time, and will never "re-open" a match again, and I will never allow myself to be re-opened.

It actually really irks me when I close someone because they never responded, and then they are suddenly trying to re-open me after I close them. Why would I want to be in a relationship where I have to do something dramatic for them to respond?
Yep! See my post above. I can understand them wanting to re-open if they get closed by someone they just hadn't gotten around to contacting, but they were still interested. But, I try to keep an open-mind on profile details that can be interpreted differently. If I close someone, it's because there was something very specific that turned me off.
- July 4th, 2009, 09:07 am
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theweave theweave is offline
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The one thing that irks me about Eharmony is when people just close you right after the first set of questions... 29 dimensions? Hello???? We might have something in common here and how do you know if you don't continue even a little bit!!!!

As for closed messages, I got closed by someone who said "our can't stands and must have don't fit". I went back and looked and our lists were identical except for I think one thing!

Obviously, either that one thing was a deal breaker (petty!) or she didn't know what to put and put that since that was the step were on.

Either way, I moved on! You close me, oh well , there is someone else who I can spend time with!
- July 4th, 2009, 04:37 pm
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