Zev is offline Zev Post #1  July 1,2009, 7:23am
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Okay, I'm new to EH, so maybe I am missing something.

I am getting a good number of matches but a bunch of those don't seem particularly interested in "selling" themselves.
Can I assume that, perhaps, they have not completed their profile at one sitting and may come back to complete it? I don't want to close someone out too soon if that's the case.
What I'm seeing is:

- missing answers. I can see that some of the questions are a bit awkward but in some cases it seems that they didn't bother answering half of them, or only the ones with pick-from-a-list answers

- vague information or stuff they might have read in some "what women like" article. "make the most out of life, long walks on the beach, conversation, being romantic". Geez! Like we don't know you like to watch sports.

- one-phrase answers that don't illuminate anything, or the ever-popular "you'll have to be my friend to find that out".

None of the above makes me reach for the "start communication" button.

Should I wait to see if these folks complete their profiles more, or just close them out for being disinterested? I certainly tweaked my own profile after posting it initially. Is that commonly done?

Also, if a man talks about wanting "romance" when over 40, does he mean sex?

Z.
Last edited by Zev; July 1,2009 at 8:05am.
 
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Silkenmettle is offline Silkenmettle Post #2  July 1,2009, 7:47am
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I gave some thought to some of the same questions you have when I started on line dating, and here's what I came up with....

The guys who don't elaborate much in their profiles are likely guys who don't elaborate much (verbally) anywhere. I think that what you see is what you get, and you can move on if it doesn't appeal to you. Personally, I like a man who uses words. But I've liked many also who don't, sooo... I suspect that a man who doesn't understand *why* the open ended questions are good to answer is the same man who will be baffled by that kind of expectation for communication everywhere else, too.

We are all kinds here. The ones that don't appear to match.... probably don't. EHarmony doesn't rate us for verbosity or intelligence or writing skills. They rate us for other characteristics that we might like to be matched on.

About the question re: romance being a code word for sex... I suspect it could be, but it could also come back to your initial observation about giving us what they think we want. Or the guy could actually want romance!
 
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Skyking6976 is offline Skyking6976 Post #3  July 1,2009, 8:00am
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Never really thought about it that way Silkenmettle. My profile is complete and all that but I didn't write that much. I just figured each extra word or phrase might turn a woman off for whatever reason. We can talk specifics in OC.

To the OP, I think sometimes guys just want to get to open communications ASAP. As far as not completing their profile, yea maybe they'll come back and finish, maybe they aren't a paying member yet and what the heck if they get a request to communicate they'll finish the profile and sign up.

I'll have to take a look at my profile again.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  July 1,2009, 9:04am
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Well....the profile is not really a writing contest and a whole lot of men hate doing it. That does not mean that they are bad people in person. If anything I've found that those who are really good at written communication are not so good in person and those whose profile's are not all that, tend to be busy but great people in person.

Honestly, I think a large part of how successful you'll be with online dating is how well you can keep an open mind. After all, all that the internet does is introduce you to a person you would not meet in your normal social circles. Everything else happens in person in real life. You may have a fantastic profile, exchange amazing e-mails and then be completely disappointed when you meet in person or the profile may be sparse, you go straight to phone and a date and it's the best date you've had in years. You just don't know until you meet.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  July 1,2009, 9:20am
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The profiles that you get where there is a lot of the sections missing are likely non-paying members who just filled out something to get their free Personality Profile, Review Your Matches For Free or joined for a Free Communication Weekend. It is a possibility that a very small number of these people have just joined and are still working on their profiles but I would not hold my breath.

I am going to guess that most of the profiles with very little information also don't have a photo.

I might add that this is not a guy thing as I get a good many matches (girls) that have nothing in their profiles either.
Last edited by Gr8Guyn2008; July 1,2009 at 9:28am. Reason: add information
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  July 1,2009, 9:27am
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Silkenmettle wrote :
I gave some thought to some of the same questions you have when I started on line dating, and here's what I came up with....

The guys who don't elaborate much in their profiles are likely guys who don't elaborate much (verbally) anywhere. I think that what you see is what you get, and you can move on if it doesn't appeal to you. Personally, I like a man who uses words. But I've liked many also who don't, sooo... I suspect that a man who doesn't understand *why* the open ended questions are good to answer is the same man who will be baffled by that kind of expectation for communication everywhere else, too.

We are all kinds here. The ones that don't appear to match.... probably don't. EHarmony doesn't rate us for verbosity or intelligence or writing skills. They rate us for other characteristics that we might like to be matched on.

About the question re: romance being a code word for sex... I suspect it could be, but it could also come back to your initial observation about giving us what they think we want. Or the guy could actually want romance!
My profile has something in every section. However, the information in each section is not very verbose. I am not one to blow my own horn and do much better at answering questions. If you ask me specific questions then I can become quite elaborate with my answers. You are new here, so welcome to the boards, but you may wish to look at some of my answers and not that I do become quite detailed at times.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #7  July 1,2009, 10:05am

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Hi Zev,

I’m sure many members ask the same questions (both men and women). From what we see at eHarmony, members who fill out all the spaces on the About Me page with complete, specific details get more (and better) communication from their matches. Check out our brief introductory video, “The 5 Keys to Success”: http://www.eharmony.com/keystosuccess

You might want to consider those “one-off” situations, though. I have spoken to members who, for various reasons, decide not to fill in all the boxes the About Me page provides. Some feel that they don’t want to rule any match out by saying something that could be misinterpreted. Others say that they are better at verbal than written communication. Many who are comfortable in person are new to the online world and don’t know how to “speak the language” yet.

The only way to find out about these matches is to pursue communication with them. Once you have enough information, you’ll know whether or not you wish to continue. That would likely be the only way to find out what the match meant by “romance”. Truly, there are so many things that could mean.

You could always just send the Icebreaker that says “You seem interesting, why don’t you finish your About Me questions?” If you feel comfortable, you can send Guided Communication questions as well, or a Fast Track message. If you don’t hear from the match within two weeks or see a change on his profile, you might want to close the match and move on.

All the best,

~Kate
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Last edited by eH_Advice_Host_Kate; July 1,2009 at 10:07am.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #8  July 1,2009, 3:22pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
The profiles that you get where there is a lot of the sections missing are likely non-paying members who just filled out something to get their free Personality Profile, Review Your Matches For Free or joined for a Free Communication Weekend. It is a possibility that a very small number of these people have just joined and are still working on their profiles but I would not hold my breath.

I am going to guess that most of the profiles with very little information also don't have a photo.

I might add that this is not a guy thing as I get a good many matches (girls) that have nothing in their profiles either.



Very succinct!



My pet peeve answer was always "Creating Romance in the Relationship". Conjures up images of her walking in the door to a rose-petaled strewn floor leading straight into the marbled bath & scented tub lit with candles, the champagne already iced with a diamond bracelet around its neck. They don't ALL do that, do they???
 
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Canadagoose is offline Canadagoose Post #9  July 1,2009, 3:30pm
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Why does eH send you matches who are in fact not members? I know that it is a marketing strategy to get more business but I feel that I'm being mislead by getting matches who can't communicate with me. At the very least I want to know who is a full member and who isn't. This is the one part of eH that I feel is a ripoff.
 
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avinash is offline avinash Post #10  July 2,2009, 12:26am
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Oh trust me we all feel that way about being matched with non paying members
 
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