christina72800 is offline christina72800 Post #1  June 28,2009, 8:05am
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I just autorenewed my eharmony membership for another 3 months and I'm starting to regret that decision. I have been on since Dec 08 and have had very little luck on this site. I have made it to open communication with only 1 person. I really considered every match with any open mind but closed sooo many simply because there was also something that didn't fit - i.e. they weren't sure they wanted kids (i do) or they didn't reply back to me or their likes don't match mine (i am scared of dogs but many of my matches love them). I use eharmony as only 1 avenue to meet someone but would really like to meet someone via eharmony as it seems like a great way to meet someone.

Anyone else experiencing a hard time? More specifically, does anyone have any words of wisdom so I don't completely lose hope. I know great love takes time but I'm getting a little weary here!

Looking for love in Toronto, Canada
 
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danimal1968 is offline danimal1968 Post #2  June 28,2009, 8:12am
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Just a thought...you may be closing people too quickly. If their profile says "maybe" they want kids, that could mean a lot of things. The dogs issue may be harder to deal with, but even there, closing people out online for something like that will make it difficult. I could see closing people who don't want children, but the "maybes" would be people I'd explore that with further rather than closing them quickly.
 
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christina72800 is offline christina72800 Post #3  June 28,2009, 8:27am
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Good point. I have thought about that in the past but having kids is very important to me. It's a requirement. I don't want to hope the person changes their mind.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  June 28,2009, 8:29am
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You do not have that much time so far. Many people have used eH for years.

I agree with the previous post too, I think you should communicate further and investigate issues in the Open Communication questions.

I believe that a portion of men who choose maybe for “wants children” mean they will if they get a good partner and their employment success allows for it without destroying their quality of life, but if the woman they like does not, they will be okay with that.

Lifestyle choices like dogs, unless he is absolute that a dog will be part of his household, I would not assume that each man would be choosing an animal over a potential life partner.

Give the matches more of a chance and explore the questions further.
 
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jeaniewiththelightbrownhair is offline jeaniewiththelightbrownhair Post #5  June 28,2009, 8:34am
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I agree with not closing so quickly. My policy is to not close anyone unless they say something totally objectionable about their profile (so far, that's only 1 out of about 80 guys!). That has paid off so far, and I'm actively communicating with several guys, 2 of whom I would not have considered on my own. As a result, I'm having fun with the exchanges and also learning things about myself.

Yes, if true love/strong attraction strikes, people will reconsider decisions they previously thought had been set in stone, or will come up with creative solutions around potential problems.

How to keep track of so many people in your "new" box? Keep your own separate list with notes.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  June 28,2009, 8:48am
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Since we don't know your age I am having to guess that you are maybe somewhere around 30ish. If this is true then you are likely to get a lot of matches that may already have children and while it is not a priority to them they are open to having more. As others have suggested you should be more open to exploring this area in Open Communication rather than making an assumption and closing. If your settings are set to Want More Children is yes then you will not be matched with guys that definitely do not want more children.

Since you have a fear of dogs you could either put that in your profile or pursue communication and discuss it in Open Communication. I will sort of disagree with D_Lion on the dog (pet) issue. If someone has a pet now they are not going to be getting rid of it for a "potential life partner" and this is not gender specific.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  June 28,2009, 8:50am
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jeaniewiththelightbrownhair wrote :
I agree with not closing so quickly. My policy is to not close anyone unless they say something totally objectionable about their profile (so far, that's only 1 out of about 80 guys!). That has paid off so far, and I'm actively communicating with several guys, 2 of whom I would not have considered on my own. As a result, I'm having fun with the exchanges and also learning things about myself.

Yes, if true love/strong attraction strikes, people will reconsider decisions they previously thought had been set in stone, or will come up with creative solutions around potential problems.

How to keep track of so many people in your "new" box? Keep your own separate list with notes.
Congratulations on your successes. You seem to be working eHarmony the way it is intended.
 
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