I can never get to second questions!


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Dyveke23 is offline Dyveke23 Post #1  June 25,2009, 7:49pm
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So, I 've been on Eharmony (and online dating) for three weeks now and so far made it to open communication one time, but it was because the guy just wanted to fasttrack it. It fizzled because I didn't feel a connection. So...my question is...why do I never seem to make it to the second questions? In the beginning there were a few promissing guys, who contacted me first, but after the MHCS's I never heard a peep back. I don't have some weird preferences of the sexual, neat-freak, money-hungry sort on there-just the basic "don't-be-an-ax-murderer, be a nice guy" stuff. Do people really get their knickers in a twist about how you worded something in the first canned questions? or the fact that you chose "Can't stand someone who does hard drugs"? Hmmm....it's just weird. The fact that they contacted me...doesn't it mean they are interested? I'm growing tired of having to choose the right questions to ask them or word something perfectly in the first questions. Also, I am not the type to pursue, but maybe I should just send them the 2nd questions? Wouldn't a guy maybe see that as desperate or too forward?

Oh, one more thing...one guy wanted to fasttrack with me and I sent him an icebreaker saying "let's get to know eachother in guided communication first". Then we exchanged first questions. Instead of sending me his MHCS's he sent me an icebreaker saying "Let's get to know eachother in guided communication" .What's that supposed to mean? That's what we were doing.

Haha...not sure I'm cut out for this.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  June 25,2009, 8:09pm
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First off you are doing very well for having only been on eHarmony for three weeks. When I first saw the title of your thread I figured you have MHCS that are turning people off but since you say you have the rather ordinary MHCS then I have to think that you must have encountered several less than great matches.

When in Guided Communication you take turns sending the questions and answers. If it is your match's turn to send something you have to wait until they take their turn before you can proceed.

If you have a match that you are interested in then you should contact them. It does not make you look desperate or forward. You are paying your money so you should take advantage of using the system. Real guys will not be put off by the fact that you have taken the initiative and sent First Questions but will view this as an indication that you are interseted.
 
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penda15 is offline penda15 Post #3  June 25,2009, 8:11pm
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Don't feel bad or get discouraged. It happened to me a few times also. Sometimes you have to go through a few duds to find someone promising. I try not to take it too personal, only means the guy wasn't meant for you or was being honest enough with himself not to waste your time.
 
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Tank is online now Tank Post #4  June 25,2009, 8:35pm
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Dyveke23 wrote :
So, I 've been on Eharmony (and online dating) for three weeks now and so far made it to open communication one time, but it was because the guy just wanted to fasttrack it. It fizzled because I didn't feel a connection. So...my question is...why do I never seem to make it to the second questions? In the beginning there were a few promissing guys, who contacted me first, but after the MHCS's I never heard a peep back. I don't have some weird preferences of the sexual, neat-freak, money-hungry sort on there-just the basic "don't-be-an-ax-murderer, be a nice guy" stuff. Do people really get their knickers in a twist about how you worded something in the first canned questions? or the fact that you chose "Can't stand someone who does hard drugs"? Hmmm....it's just weird. The fact that they contacted me...doesn't it mean they are interested? I'm growing tired of having to choose the right questions to ask them or word something perfectly in the first questions. Also, I am not the type to pursue, but maybe I should just send them the 2nd questions? Wouldn't a guy maybe see that as desperate or too forward?

Oh, one more thing...one guy wanted to fasttrack with me and I sent him an icebreaker saying "let's get to know eachother in guided communication first". Then we exchanged first questions. Instead of sending me his MHCS's he sent me an icebreaker saying "Let's get to know eachother in guided communication" .What's that supposed to mean? That's what we were doing.

Haha...not sure I'm cut out for this.
There is an error in the EH system that repeats your icebreaker sent. I read about it in the Help System so don't worry.
 
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Dyveke23 is offline Dyveke23 Post #5  June 25,2009, 10:16pm
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Tank wrote :
There is an error in the EH system that repeats your icebreaker sent. I read about it in the Help System so don't worry.
Oh...ok.thanks! The only thing weird is that it was sent almost a week after mine was sent.
 
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Dyveke23 is offline Dyveke23 Post #6  June 25,2009, 10:18pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
When in Guided Communication you take turns sending the questions and answers. If it is your match's turn to send something you have to wait until they take their turn before you can proceed.
Hmmm...what if I sent my MHCS's first, then he sent his next...does that mean if we want to continue to communicate I have to send the second questions first?
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  June 26,2009, 3:08am
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Dyveke23 wrote :
Hmmm...what if I sent my MHCS's first, then he sent his next...does that mean if we want to continue to communicate I have to send the second questions first?
Yes, it means exactly that. He cannot do anything until you send him the questions. The system is set up so that one person goes then the other person goes - you are both taking turns and he does not have the option to send you questions until you send yours since he was the last one to respond by send his mhcs back to you. In other words he is probably wondering what was so bad in his mhcs that you stopped responding....lol....
 
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Dyveke23 is offline Dyveke23 Post #8  June 26,2009, 7:48am
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DancingFool wrote :
Yes, it means exactly that. He cannot do anything until you send him the questions. The system is set up so that one person goes then the other person goes - you are both taking turns and he does not have the option to send you questions until you send yours since he was the last one to respond by send his mhcs back to you. In other words he is probably wondering what was so bad in his mhcs that you stopped responding....lol....
Hahaha...no way! I thought that once you get to a new level, each person has the chance to start it up. I just didn't want them to think I was always starting. God, I'm tool...those poor guys think I'm rejecting them. I had really high hopes about one of them...luckily he hasn't closed me out yet!
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Renee is offline eH_Advice_Host_Renee Post #9  June 26,2009, 5:05pm

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Dear Dyveke23 and Everyone,

Welcome to eHarmony Advice and to our Singles site!

First of all, thanks to Tank and DancingFool for fielding your communication questions. When in doubt, the green button under the Next Steps category to the left of a match's name will always let you know if you need to send a communication, read a match's communication, or wait for a response, etc. Not until you reach Open Communication can you and a match communicate at will -- the way you would using your personal e-mail account.

That takes us to your concern: not getting beyond the MHCS stage. First of all, I want to emphasize that the reason you came to eHarmony is to find the Right One for You! Second, the fact is, part of the process of finding The One, is determining along the way that others aren't.

The way you'll determine this is by communicating with matches. At every stage, you will evaluate a match and decide whether or not the potential to be The One is still there. If so, continue communicating; if not, we ask that you be courteous and close the match.

However, another way you can determine this is when a match doesn't respond to your communication or closes communication. Penda15 is absolutely right! When this happens what it means is he isn't the Right One for You.

So that you can find the Right One for You, the best thing to do is be true to yourself and be genuine in your communications. When that special match comes along, your questions will be the "right ones," and be "perfectly worded."

Lastly, ditto to what Gr8Guyn2008 advised regarding initiating communication! Especially if you are particularly interested in a match, my thinking is it's best to get their attention right away before someone else does?

All the best,

-Renee
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Dyveke23 is offline Dyveke23 Post #10  June 26,2009, 8:32pm
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I feel like an idiot. How am I supposed to know what the match sees on their end? For all I know it could say they have to send the MHCS's next. That is the thing. It seems like for each step either one should be able to initiate. I was just confused about this. I really liked this one guy. He hasn't closed me but now he probably thinks I am not too interested so why bother with me. It has been almost two weeks! Anyway, thanks for your help guys.
 
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