MasamuneBlue84 is offline MasamuneBlue84 Post #1  June 22,2009, 3:19am
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So, out of all of my matches and sent questions/ice breakers, etc... I have, so far, only had one lady respond. Luckily, for me, that match has gone all the way to open communication and we've been talking through that for about 6 weeks now.

...

The thing is, the reason we've been talking for SIX WEEKS is because every time I send her something, it takes like a week and a half to two weeks to hear back from her. And I'm a little confused...

See... she obviously puts a lot of thought and time into what she writes. I think we're actually a pretty good match. She sounds, the more I talk to her, like exactly the kind of lady I'm looking for. And, if nothing else, from what I can piece together from what she's saying she's looking for, I think I'm what she's looking for as well. Like I said, she obviously puts time into the responses she sends me... but I suppose I would have expected her to be a little more timely with her responses given that our communication thus far has been very positive.

I just don't know what to do. I don't really want to call her out on it. And I really don't want to be that kind-of-dorky guy who sends like 3 or 4 messages for her 1 message. But, I really don't know what to do. Any advice from users who have been active a little longer?
 
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FaintestInkling is offline FaintestInkling Post #2  June 22,2009, 11:15am
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Last edited by FaintestInkling; January 31,2010 at 9:07pm.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  June 22,2009, 11:37am
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Sounds like she is dating someone else while keeping you on the backburner. Ask her for her phone number and see what happens. Does not sound like you have much to lose at this point. Also, can someone who treats another person that way really be all that great???
 
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Tank is offline Tank Post #4  June 22,2009, 1:45pm
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Six weeks is too long unless you both have such hectic schedules and agree this is ok. Do yourself a favor and close the match. She is not interested in a real relationship with you I'm sorry to say.
 
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WinterLily is offline WinterLily Post #5  June 22,2009, 4:33pm
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Suggestions as to why she may be like this:

-She always wants to write a well thought out response to you, but seldom feels like she has enough time. She may feel that it is better to keep you waiting than you send you a half-assed reply. She wants to be able to devote her full attention and consideration to you.

-Similarly, she may be overly perfectionistic in other areas of her life. She passionately wants to pursue all sorts of things, but doesn't know how to manage her time.

-She's a procrastinator.....

-She has unrealistic ideas about love or fears of love. The fact that she is continuing to pay for eharmony shows that she does want to use the service, but perhaps she doesn't know how to manage it properly. Perhaps she leaves the matching on all the time, never wanting to miss her soul mate, and then gets so many matches that it becomes a daunting task to sort through them and communicate with all of them. Or perhaps it scares her to find herself connecting with you, so she avoids it, even though she wants to find a relationship.

-You mentioned that she is the only woman to respond to you so far. It may be that she hasn't had a similar experience. She may have more men wanting to communicate with her than she knows what to do with. The fact that she has written thoughtful messages to you suggests that she is sincerely interested in you, but she still may be overwhelmed by male attention.

-Or she may just have a really busy schedule. Sometimes the simple explanation is the right one!

I disagree with the assertion that she just isn't interested. If she wasn't interested she wouldn't write or respond at all. I think you should tell her the truth- that you've enjoyed getting to know her and think she has many of the qualities you're looking for- but that you'd also like to take the "relationship" further than e-mails every week or two. Find out if she'd like to talk another way- over IM, the phone, or in person- something that doesn't take time in the same way that writing a long e-mail does and provides a more immediate response. All of the qualities that have drawn you to her exist despite her fault of being a slow replier, so I think she deserves a chance. It may be that she has too many barriers to be a real dating possibility, but it is definitely worth a try. She may have good reasons for being the way she is. Everyone is different. Good luck! :-)

~Lily
 
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MasamuneBlue84 is offline MasamuneBlue84 Post #6  June 22,2009, 8:06pm
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Tank wrote :
Six weeks is too long unless you both have such hectic schedules and agree this is ok. Do yourself a favor and close the match. She is not interested in a real relationship with you I'm sorry to say.
It's not that it's BEEN six weeks since a communication, it's that over the past six weeks, I've heard from her about... *looks* Four times.

I kind of get the feeling that at least one of WL's suggestions rings true, as it's something she's actually said during Open Communication. She wants to sit down and focus entirely on what she's writing to me, put down what she feels with the detail she thinks should be there, etc... etc... it's just that she has a hard time with it because it takes her some time to find the words to express herself.

I get that, I just guess I'm a little like Faint. I don't get why it'd take like a week and a half to find 30 minutes or something. *shrugs*

I dunno, all the other comm's I've gotten are closes usually centering around "pursuing another relationship", so I dunno.

It's not that (forestalling any suggestions along this line) that I'm so focused on this because she's my first comm here, but because, very quickly, it became obvious we were looking for the same things in a relationship, wanting the same things from our partners, etc...

Just a little frustrating sometimes when I'd love to come home to a message from her after a long day at work and I'm still just waiting.
 
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Tank is offline Tank Post #7  June 23,2009, 6:53pm
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I think you are focusing on this 1 match because it is your first positive response since joining E-harmony but you said it yourself why is it taking her so long to respond? Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who gives you so little attention and you have not even talked on the phone or met yet?
 
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danimal1968 is offline danimal1968 Post #8  June 28,2009, 9:19am
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MasamuneBlue84 wrote :
It's not that it's BEEN six weeks since a communication, it's that over the past six weeks, I've heard from her about... *looks* Four times.

I kind of get the feeling that at least one of WL's suggestions rings true, as it's something she's actually said during Open Communication. She wants to sit down and focus entirely on what she's writing to me, put down what she feels with the detail she thinks should be there, etc... etc... it's just that she has a hard time with it because it takes her some time to find the words to express herself.

I get that, I just guess I'm a little like Faint. I don't get why it'd take like a week and a half to find 30 minutes or something. *shrugs*

I dunno, all the other comm's I've gotten are closes usually centering around "pursuing another relationship", so I dunno.

It's not that (forestalling any suggestions along this line) that I'm so focused on this because she's my first comm here, but because, very quickly, it became obvious we were looking for the same things in a relationship, wanting the same things from our partners, etc...

Just a little frustrating sometimes when I'd love to come home to a message from her after a long day at work and I'm still just waiting.
It is the case that people who are on the introverted end of the spectrum often need to be very precise and accurate in their messages. Four messages over six weeks, though, is a bit thin. I would say it's time to suggest talking on the phone or meeting for coffee or something. That will probably clarify where you stand.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  June 28,2009, 9:59am
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You don't say how long you have been on eHarmony.

However, if a match is interested in you they should be keeping up regular communications, like every day or two.

Unless it is a long distance match you should be meeting in a week or two and not spending six weeks e-mailing back and forth. You will never really know someone until you meet in person.

And if you are a paying member never send IceBreakers. They are a sign of a non-paying member.
 
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GILKEY is offline GILKEY Post #10  July 15,2009, 4:26pm
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I always had a "light touch" on the "X-out" key~!
 
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