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deltagurl deltagurl is offline
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deltagurl is still trying to figure out this thing called life??

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I was matched with a guy that insisted that on our first meeting we stay in a hotel. I said ok but our rooms would be separate. He stated that wasn't what he had in mind. Then he wanted to know if I had told my parents about him. Hmmm seemed a little fishy to me. I don't exactly know what kind of scamhe had going but there was something about this guy...any one else came across matches that appeared to be running a scam..if so how did they go about it ...sex, money, etc....
- June 18th, 2009, 12:10 pm
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate eH_Advice_Host_Kate is online now
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Hi Deltagurl,

This is a very relevant topic. I just wanted to jump in here quick and remind members to become familiar with the Safety Tips (Dr. Warren’s Message): http://www.eharmony.com/safety/tips

For the purposes of this topic, I’d like to call particular attention to Sections 1 and 4 of the Safey Tips. Section 1 deals with “red flags” to be aware of:

Watch out for someone who:

• Asks for money or any type of financial assistance, especially if you have never met in person.
• Asks you to assist with personal transactions (depositing funds, shipping merchandise, etc).
• Wants to speed up the pace beyond your comfort level.
• Reports a sudden personal crisis and pressures you to provide assistance. If this happens, view the request with healthy skepticism. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes: If you were faced with an emergency, why would you turn to a person you’ve only recently met online for assistance rather than seeking help from family or friends? Although it can be embarrassing to ask for help from a loved one, most people would find it far worse to have to ask a person they’ve only just met for money or other items of value.
• Asks inappropriate questions.
• Tells stories with inconsistencies, some which may sound grandiose.
• Gives vague answers to specific questions.
• Urges you to compromise your principles.
• Constantly blames others for troubles in his or her life.
• Insists on getting overly close, overly fast.

Section 4 addresses Safety advice for meeting in person:

Do:
• Choose the time and place of your date wisely. Meet in a public place at a decent hour during which lots of people will be around. Lunch dates work especially well.
• Limit alcohol consumption or abstain entirely until you know the person better.
• Use your own transportation, even when meeting someone who lives a great distance away from you. It's never a good idea to get into someone's personal vehicle on a first date. Wherever possible, drive yourself or take a taxi.
• Tell at least one friend or family member about your plans, and arrange to check in with them after each of the first few dates.
• Carry a fully charged mobile phone with easily accessible emergency numbers.

Don't:
• Leave beverages or personal belongings such as purses, wallets, or jackets with pockets that may contain items that could reveal personal information about you, such as a driver's license, credit cards, ATM receipts, etc.
• Meet at your house or place of work or give that information out until you have had a good opportunity to know the other person better.
• Incur large expenses on a date without first discussing how the cost will be divided
• Go home with someone, even if it feels like everything's going great. You have not spent enough time with them to assess whether your safety is at risk.

As always, if you have a concern about a match, please contact us at matchconcerns@eharmony.com with the name, location, and reason for your concern.

Sincerely,

~Kate
eHarmony Advice Host
- June 24th, 2009, 12:47 pm
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DancingFool DancingFool is offline
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deltagurl wrote :
I was matched with a guy that insisted that on our first meeting we stay in a hotel. I said ok but our rooms would be separate. He stated that wasn't what he had in mind. Then he wanted to know if I had told my parents about him. Hmmm seemed a little fishy to me. I don't exactly know what kind of scamhe had going but there was something about this guy...any one else came across matches that appeared to be running a scam..if so how did they go about it ...sex, money, etc....
When I think of scams I usually think of someone trying to get at my money. Sounds like this guy was looking for a one night stand with you. To answer your question, no I have never come across either one on EH.
- June 24th, 2009, 12:49 pm
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bravethestorm bravethestorm is offline
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bravethestorm 10/10/09 Engaged to eharmony match

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There are people that even do things like that on these advice boards.

It's just one of those things you need to ask yourself..."are you comfortable with it?" If you are...still use common sense and be safe. However, if you aren't...try an alternative or seek someone who is flexible about your dating comfort levels.

Dating really is looking for that needle in a haystack...and there's a lot of thistles etc. to find that needle at times!
- June 24th, 2009, 04:41 pm
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D_Lion D_Lion is online now
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I am not sure, but I’m not aware that I have.

I’ve seen a lot of women looking for money, which is the objective of a fraud, but the context generally seemed to be a lifestyle choice for them.

I’ve had a few married women, and others I suspected, and quite a bit of misrepresentation.
- June 24th, 2009, 06:08 pm
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Mr_Right Mr_Right is online now
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I think one of my matches back in the day was "Aunt Jemima"... and her favorite things were syrup...

Good times, good times.
- June 24th, 2009, 06:26 pm
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SOTL SOTL is offline
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I havent seen scams on eharmony YET but certianly have on other sites, like listing their address in the states but actually being overseas, and fishing for email addresses or added to Instant messenger buddy lists.

Often times it is a fishing expedition for Email addresses or hosts to bounce spam off of you account.

Now their are a number of matches i have seen that their Fantasy is no where near Reality, and i just dont have the heart to introduce the two to each other. Be that finances, expectations within marriage, or other unrealistic expectations within any relationship, I.E. inordinate amount of affection and preference for animals rather than their mate.

As far as me, I wouldnt touch a Hotel meeting with a 20 ft pole, ESPECIALLY one i dont know that well, hottel security is not always the best, and just for the reasons of not having my good actions evil spoken of, or even assumed to be evil.

I wouldnt go there, If it was a logistical necessity, Get seperate hotels and rooms at least.

hope this helps

blessings
- June 25th, 2009, 12:53 pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
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I have never encountered a scam on eHarmony but I did when I was on Match. Other people here on the boards have reported that they have encountered scammers.

With this match that thought a hotel room was a good idea, I would say run away very fast.
- June 25th, 2009, 10:21 pm
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wordwoman wordwoman is offline
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I've had to endure my share of scammers during my time on eH; they come in waves. But after a fashion, you learn to spot the straight up frauds. For example, affectionate endearments in the first e-mail in OC is often a dead give away.

And, I hate to say it, but many scammers are now requesting "Fast Track," to avoid the time-consuming GC, so I'm increasingly getting leery of that mode of communication, and if I do accept an FT, I read the waiting message with a healthy dose of suspicion.

One time, a guy wanted to know if I would join him on his cruise to the South Pacific that was leaving in one week; we had exchanged exactly 2 e-mails in OC. I thought about stringing him along to see how far he would take it, but you know life is just too short and my time is valuable. I closed him down.

In any case if you come across scammers, report the stinkers to eH.
- June 27th, 2009, 02:28 am
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thedarknite thedarknite is offline
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deltagurl wrote :
I was matched with a guy that insisted that on our first meeting we stay in a hotel. I said ok but our rooms would be separate. He stated that wasn't what he had in mind. Then he wanted to know if I had told my parents about him. Hmmm seemed a little fishy to me. I don't exactly know what kind of scamhe had going but there was something about this guy...any one else came across matches that appeared to be running a scam..if so how did they go about it ...sex, money, etc....
I had what may have been a scam. I was matched with a woman and on the first day she contacted me by way of fastrack. She said she liked my profile and she wanted to get to know me and she asked for my email. Right away it seemed odd. But I guess it felt nice to actually have some type of contact with someone on eharm, so I wrote back even though my gut said it was bull. But I gave her an email that I started, not my real one. Just to be safe. Then on her first email "she" writes to me with a long email that had misspellings, contradictions, and "she also wasn't in the states right now, right now she is living in Nigeria taking care of her sick father" Riiiight.......
I felt so foolish.
A couple of days later she was missing from my matches. Eharmony actually emailed me saying that they deleted "her" but they couldn't say why. So I do have to thank eharm for doing something about it.
It sucks that now we have to deal with scammers on eharm.
- June 27th, 2009, 02:49 am
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