Ever get to open communication...


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Mayne is offline Mayne Post #1  June 16,2009, 9:34pm
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and just feel like there's nothing there... and it is mutual... do you just leave the match open and ponder whether to say anything? or just close?

I think these matches where several days pass between each communication are odd.. it is like playing chess with someone by emailing a new move every other day or so..
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #2  June 16,2009, 9:59pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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Yes, I have had this happen, and yes, I've found it frustrating. In my experience sometimes there is a legitimate reason for the lack of communication, but more often than not there's just a lack of interest on both ends. If I know I truly have no interest in pursuing the match any further, then I close it out. I would truly prefer to be spending my time talking with someone who has potential than waiting for someone who I am not really interested in to make that next move with a message that may take them four or five days to get around to writing. I would also prefer it if a guy closes communication with me if he decides that I'm not a good match for him once we get to OC. Forced "polite" communication is the worst.

Each situation is unique, but if you know it's a mutual thing, then there's nothing wrong with closing the match and moving on. That said, sometimes it does take some time to get a response from people, and some people don't do as well with writing as they do with other forms of communication. In the end, though, you have to be happy with the decision you choose to make.
 
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CityChick is offline CityChick Post #3  June 17,2009, 12:35pm
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this is something that i have found to be a problem for me. i truly have a happy fulfilling life and it would be nice to share it with someone. but i am not making eharmony the most important thing in my life and i've had two guys already act as though i'm blowing them off when the correspondence has been nothing but positve. supposedly if you are doing this right you are communicating with more than one person at a time. i feel smothered when guys i barely no seem to feel they are entitled to more of my attention that the situation warrants -- as far as I'm concerned.
 
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #4  June 17,2009, 2:12pm
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CityChick wrote :
this is something that i have found to be a problem for me. i truly have a happy fulfilling life and it would be nice to share it with someone. but i am not making eharmony the most important thing in my life and i've had two guys already act as though i'm blowing them off when the correspondence has been nothing but positve. supposedly if you are doing this right you are communicating with more than one person at a time. i feel smothered when guys i barely no seem to feel they are entitled to more of my attention that the situation warrants -- as far as I'm concerned.
A guy should be able to expect a communication every few days. Less than that and he has a right to feel that he is being blown off. More than that and you run the risk of the relationship getting ahead of itself, and ending up in a situation that real life can't match.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #5  June 17,2009, 3:13pm
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CityChick is offline CityChick Post #6  June 17,2009, 4:43pm
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DDjr wrote :
A guy should be able to expect a communication every few days. Less than that and he has a right to feel that he is being blown off. More than that and you run the risk of the relationship getting ahead of itself, and ending up in a situation that real life can't match.
thanks for the advice. i'm definitley covering the emails every 2-3 days but it seems that some of these men are really anxious to move faster. Do you all think this is some kind of trouble sign and i should just avoid these men? Should i just mention that i'm not ready to move that quickly since i am communicating with others at this point?
 
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Mayne is offline Mayne Post #7  June 17,2009, 5:56pm
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CityChick wrote :
thanks for the advice. i'm definitley covering the emails every 2-3 days but it seems that some of these men are really anxious to move faster. Do you all think this is some kind of trouble sign and i should just avoid these men? Should i just mention that i'm not ready to move that quickly since i am communicating with others at this point?

Well speaking for myself, I am not a fan of interminable email exchanges... I've already got a nice long list of e-mail pals, and Facebook friends... If there's an interest, and no deal breakers have been identified, I like to meet for coffee... but I am also in a large urban area, so my matches are all less than an hour away.
 
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SpookyMulder is offline SpookyMulder Post #8  August 9,2009, 10:10am
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CityChick wrote :
thanks for the advice. i'm definitley covering the emails every 2-3 days but it seems that some of these men are really anxious to move faster. Do you all think this is some kind of trouble sign and i should just avoid these men? Should i just mention that i'm not ready to move that quickly since i am communicating with others at this point?
No one likes feeling as though they are on the back burner. Is it really too much to ask for you to email matches once a day?

If you tell them your too busy to respond everyday (or at least consistently every two days), your matches may feel as though you are too busy for them. We men don't mind pursuing women as long as you make us feel we have a shot.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #9  August 9,2009, 10:43am
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DDjr wrote :
A guy should be able to expect a communication every few days. Less than that and he has a right to feel that he is being blown off. More than that and you run the risk of the relationship getting ahead of itself, and ending up in a situation that real life can't match.
In a real-life relationship I'll expect to talk to someone I'm involved with every day. How is it, then, that communicating every day when you're trying to get to know someone a situation that real life can't match?
 
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melman is offline melman Post #10  August 9,2009, 11:22am
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Something I learned "only on eH" was the games that can be played through email. At work and in my personal email, I always respond to emails right away. It's just common courtesy. It never occurred to me that there are games to play, such as:

1. The "my ISP put it in my spam folder and I didn't see it, so that's why I haven't responded for eleventy-six days" game.

2. The reply-when-you-know-it's-probably-too-late game. e.g. I'll email on Tuesday to set up a weekend meeting, and the reply doesn't come back till Friday (after I've given up and made other plans).

Maybe this is the electronic version of "playing hard to get" but it doesn't map to real life very well, does it?
 
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