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blrdancer blrdancer is offline
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I had an eHa match that I was communicating with a few months back. We got to the 2nd set of questions -- I answered his, and was waiting for him to answer mine...then nothing.

I left him open for awhile -- in the meantime, I was exploring other matches, dating others, etc. I finally went back through to clean out my files, and decided to close him out, as it'd been about 2.5 months with no word. Figured he wasn't interested, no big deal.

Well, this past week, I received a Re-Open request from him stating that he thought we had potential. I agreed so gave him a 2nd chance by re-opening.

Since then, nothing - no word from him. This just seems odd to me ... I understand poofing in the middle of communication, but why bother with a re-open request if you're not interested in continuing the process???

Any insight? (Not sure there is an answer - but just needed to vent.)
- June 16th, 2009, 10:08 am
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DancingFool DancingFool is online now
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He is seeing someone but if that does not work out, he'll move on to other matches and he really does like your profile? Does it matter if it stays open?
- June 16th, 2009, 10:25 am
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate eH_Advice_Host_Kate is online now
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Hi Blrdancer,

How frustrating! Actually, I have spoken with other members who have had the exact same thing happen – they have re-opened upon a match’s request and then end up waiting on the match to continue in communication.

I have also spoken with members on the other side who sent that final message, and (at least with the members I’ve spoken with) there is usually a valid reason why they haven’t yet responded. For example, they are experiencing a technical issue or they are away from Internet access for a period of time.

Also, I haven’t seen the match you’re talking about, but is it possible that it is in a phase where he has to wait for you to continue? It doesn’t sound like that’s the case from what you describe, but I just thought I would mention it (because I have also seen that happen).

You definitely did the right thing by moving forward with other matches! You don’t have to rule him out just yet if you think there really is potential, but it’s great that you’ve put him on the “back burner” until you get a response. Of course, if it’s two weeks or more till you get a response again, you might close the match for good.

All the best,

~Kate
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Last edited by eH_Advice_Host_Kate; June 16th, 2009 at 03:42 pm.
- June 16th, 2009, 03:35 pm
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thedarknite thedarknite is offline
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I think dancing fool is right. He might just be using you as a back up. He'll only write if that other relationship doesn't work out. Its up to you if you are willing to be someones second choice.
- June 16th, 2009, 03:41 pm
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blrdancer blrdancer is offline
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Thanks for weighing in with your thoughts... I'll leave him open for now and see what happens - no harm, no foul.

I guess I just thought the timing was very odd. If he truly is seeing someone else at the moment -- then why not send the re-open request once he is actually ready to communicate? It's not even like he sent the re-open request right after I closed him -- it was several weeks later. Weird...
- June 16th, 2009, 04:02 pm
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DancingFool DancingFool is online now
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thedarknite wrote :
I think dancing fool is right. He might just be using you as a back up. He'll only write if that other relationship doesn't work out. Its up to you if you are willing to be someones second choice.
You know, I don't look at it like that. I mean unless you are the very first person that someone has ever been on a date with, you are their, 20th., 200th, 2000th. Personally, when or if I meet the right guy, I want to be his absolute last choice.

As for the OP, I would not spend another thought on it. Maybe he'll contact you again, maybe not, maybe you'll meet your Mr. Right in the meantime and move on with your life. These online introductions are just not worth wasting so much thought and emotion on. Nothing becomes real until you meet in person.
- June 16th, 2009, 05:37 pm
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thedarknite wrote :
I think dancing fool is right. He might just be using you as a back up. He'll only write if that other relationship doesn't work out. Its up to you if you are willing to be someones second choice.
When you think about it, unless one has never been in a previous relationship, they're someone's second choice (or third, or fourth...).

Given the odds of success of your first match, or even the fifth match being the 'one' what's the harm in leaving the match open?
- June 16th, 2009, 06:38 pm
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garden_gal11 garden_gal11 is offline
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Follow your gut feeling about this.
- June 16th, 2009, 07:04 pm
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