why do so many girls close matches before I even start communication?


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kgoundan is offline kgoundan Post #1  June 15,2009, 5:31pm
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I'm a 36 year old man, never married, no kids. I've been a member of eharmony for over a year and not had much luck with it. I had only one in-person date and it didn't work out. I also had communicated with a couple of girls in open communications and they either left eharmony or closed out the match eventually. Most of my matches close even before I get to look at their profile! I have hardly dated in my whole life and never had a girlfriend. What's wrong with me? What should I put in my profile so I will be irrestible to girls? I am well-educated with a master's degree in computer science, so why don't girls want me? And when I find a girl, how do I convince my parents that she's the one for me? My parents are very worried that I'm not married, and they really want a girl who would stick with me the rest of my life. How do I get my parents to accept the girl?
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #2  June 15,2009, 6:41pm
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Are you painfully shy? What does your own Personality Profile say about you? If you've never had a girlfriend, do you find conversation difficult? Perhaps you focus too much on them being female and potential mates, and not enough on friendship. Don't even try to phony up your profile to be irrisistable. In the long run, they are going to find out who you really are. That's just part of the process of really knowing another human being. So don't be phony. Your profile should show what you like, how you enjoy spending your time. You want somebody who understands you, who knows you through and through, and accepts you. You won't get that by being phony. There is such a thing as being too needy. You don't want to come across that way, because it's not appealing. Never let them think you're desperate! My advice would be to think of girls as potential friends, rather than future wives fit for your parents. I sure hope this helps...
 
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bravethestorm is offline bravethestorm Post #3  June 15,2009, 7:28pm
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Eharmony is just one opportunity to meet someone. Whether you meet someone here or offline, there is no guarantee that your parents will accept them. The important thing is you are looking for someone that fits you and not your parents.

I realize parents can put a lot of pressure on finding a mate. This probably makes you uncomfortable or less like yourself when you are looking. Try to see the fun side of dating and not focus on a grand prize of the girl you will marry. First you got to find the right girl for you...and not every girl will be that.

Some people that you receive in matches aren't even active members or won't close the match. Others see something in the profile that makes the match a dealbreaker for them. It's not a bad thing to do this as you should also be closing out matches that don't fit your personality. Most of your matches won't reach open communication or a date and this is pretty standard for everyone.

There's nothing wrong with you but I do think you got to present your best self. For instance, be yourself...not someone else as just like the right clothing...dating is comparing people that you get along with or don't.

On your profile, I would suggest posting it right here so people can give you advice of what is too general or needs more details. It really can be a matter of the words you choose in whether someone contacts or responds to you. Also be sure you have several pictures that reflect you.

Good luck with your search!
 
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gr8guy is offline gr8guy Post #4  June 15,2009, 8:14pm
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kgoundan wrote :
I'm a 36 year old man, never married, no kids. I've been a member of eharmony for over a year and not had much luck with it. I had only one in-person date and it didn't work out. I also had communicated with a couple of girls in open communications and they either left eharmony or closed out the match eventually. Most of my matches close even before I get to look at their profile! I have hardly dated in my whole life and never had a girlfriend. What's wrong with me? What should I put in my profile so I will be irrestible to girls? I am well-educated with a master's degree in computer science, so why don't girls want me? And when I find a girl, how do I convince my parents that she's the one for me? My parents are very worried that I'm not married, and they really want a girl who would stick with me the rest of my life. How do I get my parents to accept the girl?
I dunno, a picture of Brad Pitt?

Seriously you've gotten more dates from eHarmony than I ever did. I've had more luck with meeting people in real life. How much time do you spend on the computer? Visit a site called meetup dot com. It's help you find things to do.
 
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #5  June 16,2009, 7:30am
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First, I would think about retaking the Personality Profile. If you weren't totally honest the first time, you're being matched with the wrong people.

Second, forget you even have parents. If you let on to a girl what you have posted above about your parents, most of them are going to run.

-------------------------------------

My average through EH has been about one meeting per year.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #6  June 16,2009, 8:45am
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First expand your horizons and try other sites and get involved in local hobby clubs, meet up groups, singles activity groups where you can meet live people in person.

Second, if you are getting closed out a lot, might have something to do with your profile. Have a female friend read it and check it for inadvertant red flags that would stop women cold from responding.

Third, what is your deal with your parents? You are a 36 year old adult, you should not need to convince your parents of anything. This is your life and your relationships not theirs. Assuming that there isn't a culture issue here, it's high time to cut the proverbial umbilical cord.

Fourth, don't ever treat a woman that you've just barely met as marriage potential. You don't know her and she does not know you. Get out and date and have a little fun.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #7  June 16,2009, 8:46am

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you are 36 years old and your parents have to approve who you date? if that's in your profile, i think you have the answer.
 
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mystic_topaz is offline mystic_topaz Post #8  June 16,2009, 9:02am
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Don't sweat it, kgounden, you've hd more dates than I have had !
Why d they close the mtch: It may be distance issue, they are already dating someone else, they have too many matches to deal with...its not personal.
I would suggest you try Match.com but I hear the ratio of women to men is skewed against men..Try meetup, church groups, maybe dnces...Good luck..
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  June 16,2009, 10:45am
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DDjr wrote :
First, I would think about retaking the Personality Profile. If you weren't totally honest the first time, you're being matched with the wrong people.

Second, forget you even have parents. If you let on to a girl what you have posted above about your parents, most of them are going to run.

-------------------------------------

My average through EH has been about one meeting per year.
Comparing my eHarmony sucess to you and gr8guy I must be a real chick magnet
 
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kittencaboodle is offline kittencaboodle Post #10  June 16,2009, 11:00am
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I have alot of guys close out on me but I figure it's either because I smoke ( I know pariah!!!) or I'm too far away like half way across the country. Don't sweat it! Stop worrying so much and TRY to have fun!
 
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