molly_and_me is offline molly_and_me Post #1  June 15,2009, 9:35am
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As most of these 'threads' start.....I am new to eHarmony (this go round.....tried with no success about 5 years ago) but I am hopefully optimistic that this time will be different.
The question concerns profiles with no photos and I apologize in advance if this topic has been covered in depth previously...searching through the archives can be tedious.
I not only make a decision concerning further communication on the content of a person's profile but also based on the photo. While I don't consider myself to be shallow there is no getting around the fact that there simply must be physical attraction before I will agree to meet someone.
I have a request for communication from a match to whom I have sent a request for a photo. While I don't mind answering the first set of questions without the photo as I like his profile, how long do you wait for a photo? I don't want to become too invested without having a picture of my match in mind.
How does the 'match' get notified of a request for a photo and is there anyway to follow-up with that request prior to OC?
Thanks in advance for any response....I have already learned a lot by being a 'lurker' on these message/discussion boards.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  June 15,2009, 10:23am
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Personally I'll wait indefinitely and I've gone on many dates without ever seeing a photo (great dates btw). Why? Physical attraction is very important to me, but I've learned a long time ago that physical attraction and chemistry only happen in person. In fact the only thing I can tell from a photo is that the person's body type is sooo far away from anything I would consider that there is simply no way it would work. This means that the majority of matches fall into the you don't know until you meet category.

Also, don't even get me started on the number of matches that post old photos, inaccurate photos, etc. Sometimes, I'd rathter not see a photo so I don't have to spend the first 10 minutes of the date getting over the shock of appearance discrepancy.

Of course I don't invest anything at all into a person until I've actually met them. As far as I'm concerned, that's the first time things are real and you see the real person and are actually able to see who they really are as opposed to who you imagined them to be from photos and e-mails.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #3  June 15,2009, 10:25am
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I agree with your concept of not communicating with someone without a photo.

So you sent him a request for a photo. After a week you can send him a 'nudge' for the photo and if he doesn't respond to that you can use the icebreaker to request a photo again.

If you want to get creative, when he sends you 1st questions, use the free space to tell him you're not going any further without a photo. I wouldn't close the match though. He just may come around later and update his profile with some photos. You lose nothing by keeping the match open.
 
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Skyking6976 is offline Skyking6976 Post #4  June 15,2009, 10:38am
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Communicating with a match who request communication without a photo posted. I requested a photo through eH early on. Just gave her my personal email address this morning and asked if she would send me a picture to that address so it doesn't have to be posted on eH for all her matches to see. She hasn't responded yet. If I am not attracted to her I'll close her out after a few more emails for lack of chemistry or something like that. I've got no emotional attachment at this time but I don't want to hurt her feelings because I think she is ugly.
 
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molly_and_me is offline molly_and_me Post #5  June 15,2009, 11:19am
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Thanks for the quick responses. I totally agree that physical attraction can't be measured by looking at a photo and sometimes it's the personality as much as the appearance of someone that ignites that attraction, or chemistry. However, since eHarmonay is not a 'searchable' dating website, it would seem that posting a photo would be a 'no-brainer' unless you don't have one readily available. Oftentimes people on dating sites don't want others to know they are out there but that argument doesn't apply as much to this site. I think the main thing I am looking for here is physical condition as I exercise and keep in shape and that is a priority for me in a partner. And I know there has been much discussion on these boards about weight but I personally would not be attracted to someone who is significantly overweight. That is not meant to be a put-down to people who carry extra weight.....it's just my personal preference and not something that I wish to debate.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #6  June 15,2009, 12:11pm
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I agree with you on that one. However I would caution you not to fall for the stereotype that the only people who hide are the "ugly" ones. Without exception, all the matches I've gone out with that never sent or posted a photo, have been on average much better looking and physically fit than those with photos. That might be an anomaly, but that's been my experience and the main reason why I quit caring about photos.
 
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thedarknite is offline thedarknite Post #7  June 15,2009, 11:36pm
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Personally I don't communicate at all with people that have no pics. I would wait a week. I think a week is ample enough time. NO body is that busy.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  June 16,2009, 11:25am
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This is just my perspective on photos.

A. I have mine posted. I consider that it is not being shallow at all to expect my match to have a photo since they can see what I look like.

B. Unless the profile is something so far from the ordinary (which has not happened yet) I will not initiate communication without a photo.

C. If a photoless match sends First Questions then I will go on through the Guided Communication process. I will send a photo nudge at the same time that I answer First Questions. If I still have not gotten a photo by the time I have to send Second Questions then one of my Second Questions will be when are they going to provide a photo. The usual process is that they will have closed me out before reaching Open Communication.

I have very rarely had anyone that had not posted a photo ever post one. One exception was an eHarmony match that based on her profile I was certain that I had been matched with on another site where she did have photos posted. When I asked if she would post a photo she was surprised that they were not visible. This is a problem with eHarmony in that you can not see your profile as your matches see it.
 
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Michael1974 is offline Michael1974 Post #9  October 22,2009, 8:57pm
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People should supply photos right away. That's just how the internet is now.
 
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