deltagurl is offline deltagurl Post #1  June 11,2009, 10:29am
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is still trying to figure out this thing called life??

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I guess I am old fashioned ..should i wait and let my matches send me an ice breaker or if I see someone I am interested in do I just go for it. I may sound silly but the ones I contact first all seem to close the match at stage 3....So I chose to let them just contact me if they were interested...There are several I would like to communicate with but the view my profile and thats it so am I wrong to assume that if they view me and do nothing that I should just wait it out...
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  June 11,2009, 10:44am
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The online introduction is a bit different. It does not matter who contacts who first. If you don't do it when you see a profile that interests you, you are just wasting money and some other woman did contact him and caught his attention.

As for the rest, once talking I will let the man take the lead and ask me out on a date since like yourself I don't like a man who'll take a total backseat in dating.

Regarding people just disappearing, well sometimes it's because their membership expires, sometimes because they have too many matches, sometimes because they started dating someone, because something came up in their life, etc. The thing is that until you actually go out and meet in person and decide to date, you are not really dating and all those people you are talking to are merely introductions to what may or may not be of interest to you and them. Don't get discouraged. It's a numbers game and at the end you are only looking for one good one.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  June 11,2009, 11:01am

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Hi Deltagurl,

From what we have seen at eHarmony, in general, you get more communication from your matches if you initiate communication. This goes for both genders.

You mentioned that you are “old-fashioned”. If traditional gender roles are highly important to you, you could always send your match an Icebreaker, which is more a signal that you are interested and less of an “initiation.” However, if your “old-fashioned” inclination is less central to your core values, you might challenge yourself and step outside of your comfort zone and see where it takes you. Also remember that initiating communication is not the same thing as pursuing a relationship.

There are other ways to make yourself stand out to your matches:

  • Posting a variety of photos (headshots, full body length pictures of you in various settings and involved in activities
  • Adding fun captions to your photos
  • Writing an About Me page that gets noticed by the right matches
  • You can even get feedback from eHarmony Advice Community members about your profile through our About Me page workshops. So far we have threads focusing on 4 of the questions (excluding 3 and 4, which contain multiple choice pre-selected answers):

eHarmony Profile Workshop: Question 1: "What Are You Most Passionate About?" - Dating & Relationship Discussion Boards – eHarmony Advice

eHarmony Profile Workshop - Question 2: What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful? - Dating & Relationship Discussion Boards – eHarmony Advice

eHarmony Profile Workshop: Question 3: "Who has been most influential person in your life, & why?' - Dating & Relationship Discussion Boards – eHarmony Advice

eHarmony Profile Workshop: Question 6: What is the most important quality you seek in another? - Dating & Relationship Discussion Boards – eHarmony Advice

Good luck, Deltagurl!

~Kate
eHarmony Advice Host
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #4  June 11,2009, 11:12am
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How can you be old fashioned - you're only 27?!! And your profile says you're in a relationship - what, you're about to dump the guy?!!

Enough of that.

No - don't wait. If you're interested in someone, then send him questions. While you're waiting, other gals are not. He (she) who hesitates is lost.
Last edited by tweet37; June 11,2009 at 11:13am. Reason: Forgot smiley
 
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CityChick is offline CityChick Post #5  June 11,2009, 12:22pm
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i'm not old-fashioned and so i've initiated communication with several men. almost all of the men i've initiated contact with have responded and gone through the process with me. and a few i'm still communicating with.

but i can't help but wonder why nobody is initiating contact with me!!!!! i've had MAYBE two men send initial communication. i have lots of matches that i didn't necessarily want to close but didn't feel compelled to contact. so i figured i'd leave that up to them and see. but nobody seems to initiate. weirdly, they are not closing the match.

anybody have any answers?
 
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deltagurl is offline deltagurl Post #6  June 11,2009, 12:48pm
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no I am not in a relationship..I haven't been on here for a while and did not realize that it still said that..My apologies...yes I am old fashioned even though I am 27..what I meant by that was I don't chase after men it has been my experience that when you chase them the lose intrest in you quickly..But i do understand now, that if I don't communicate with them someone else will ..I get it..It just felt odd having to nudge a man to talk to me...so thanks everyone!!
 
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choiceweb0pen0 is offline choiceweb0pen0 Post #7  June 11,2009, 1:14pm
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I agree with other posters, start communication with matches that appeal to you. I sometimes use the “Who's looked at my profile option” to see if any of my matches have looked at my profile. Since some people choose to turn this off, it's not perfect.

I try to decide within a few days to communicate or not with my matches, though sometimes I get busy.

It's interesting to hear others experience with initiating or not initiating communication.
 
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coffeegeek is offline coffeegeek Post #8  June 11,2009, 1:21pm
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deltagurl wrote :
no I am not in a relationship..I haven't been on here for a while and did not realize that it still said that..My apologies...yes I am old fashioned even though I am 27..what I meant by that was I don't chase after men it has been my experience that when you chase them the lose intrest in you quickly..But i do understand now, that if I don't communicate with them someone else will ..I get it..It just felt odd having to nudge a man to talk to me...so thanks everyone!!
Don't feel weird. This isn't like a bar or anything like that. Everyone *pays* to communicate with each other here, so we're all on equal ground, right? That make it any easier?
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #9  June 11,2009, 1:45pm
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CityChick wrote :

1. ...but i can't help but wonder why nobody is initiating contact with me!!!!! i've had MAYBE two men send initial communication. i have lots of matches that i didn't necessarily want to close but didn't feel compelled to contact. so i figured i'd leave that up to them and see. but nobody seems to initiate.

2. ...weirdly, they are not closing the match.

anybody have any answers?
1. One answer is you're from NYC and that's a whole 'nother country. Something must be wrong with the men up there. Maybe they're all gay.

2. From what I see, I can fully understand not closing the match.
 
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thedarknite is offline thedarknite Post #10  June 11,2009, 11:50pm
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I think it doesn't hurt to initiate first, I mean your paying your hard earned cash. You have to at least try. Sometimes people dont even check their profiles, but they sure as heck check them if they get a "match requests communication" email.
In the other hand, I think if a guy doesn't initiate after two seconds of seeing your profile then they might not, ever. And they won't close because they might just save you in case they dont get a match they really want. Not to be mean, Im just saying.
 
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