No First Date with Eharmony


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pwelborn is offline pwelborn Post #1  June 6,2009, 5:17pm
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is at home.

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I want to begin this new thread by saying I have been with Eharmony for 6 months and have not had the first date. The ones who make it to open communication all seem to die on the vine. They simpoly stop messaging. It seems it is always a couple of messages before the one when a call will get asked for. Does anyone else have this dilemma, it can't be me, or can it? What questions do you guys ask? I usually ask the very deep and revealing and thoughtful questions. However, I am beginning to run out of patience. What advice can you guys give me?
 
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jcd1968 is offline jcd1968 Post #2  June 6,2009, 7:28pm
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Well, a couple of years ago I signed up and only stayed a month before I gave up. For the first two weeks, I wasn't matched with anyone, after that, the majority of the ones I received didn't' have a picture, and I don't care to communicate without one. It's not that looks are everything, but they are something. Yes, the profile is as much, if not more of a deciding factor. Out of the remaining matches I received, none of them went to open communication. I was fed up by that point, and didn't care to continue.

I decided to give it another try about 3 weeks ago. I still had the personality from the last time I joined, and it matched exactly with the one I received this time. I have received no less than six matches a day this go 'round. So, that, at least is better, but I don't know what the difference is. I only initiate communication with woman I am interested from reading their profile. I have reached open communication with all but two who I have responded to my initial communicaiton, and have spoken on the phone with two of them. One of the two I would like to meet, but I don't expect dates anytime soon,.None of my matches seemsto live anywhere near me. Bleh, that's kind of a fact of where I live though....and is also a reason why I choose to give EH another try.

I placed better photos in my profile, and I'm sure that helps. I also did a better job filling out my profile. I provide a fairly decent overview of who I believe I am as a person. I'm sure it wouldn't pass the test for many people, but I think it does a good job in separating me from all the other profiles she will read. During the first round of questions, I will choose E) about half the time, and provide my own answer. During the second phase of questions, I put a lot of thought into my answers and am as descriptive as possible in the space provided. In other words, I try to let her know I'm intelligent, communicative, and open....because, ugh, that's how I see myself. I just wish I was better able to communicate my sense of humour.

On the reverse side: I've ended up closing matches that reached open communication simply because they've provided terse answers to questions. I'm not looking for a rubber doll. I mean, geeze!

I definatly don't have much experience here. So, I'm not sure if that will help any, but there it is.
 
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beloved0000 is offline beloved0000 Post #3  June 6,2009, 8:00pm
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What's a specific example of a "deep, revealing and thoughtful question?" It may be too revealing upfront.

Besides, that's my gig....to scare them away with questions I feel are pertinent. But I'm also very direct to begin with. I'm assuming eH's matching system is matching me with people who will blend well with that directness in my personality?

Well, that's my assumption anyway. I figure if the guys out there can't handle my openness, (which is one of the "Big 5" personality traits they use to match you...Jungian based psychology) then they won't be able to handle me in person, so what do I have to lose.

I respect someone who has that genuineness in their personality, first of all, as opposed to someone who seems to be made of plastic and wants the same old bland conversation....kids....blah blah blah.....work....blah blah blah....what I do for fun....blah blah blah.

I tell them my opinions on subjects we're covering in my college courses, why I waited so long to go to college, how I ended up in my rather odd vocation, etc.

I ask THEM about past marriages, relationships, how many times they've been married, how long has it been since their last relationship and how long did it last and do they just jump right into another or do they give themselves time to heal, stuff like that.

I get emails on HERE from guys periodically because they find my transparency refreshing. Emotional intimacy seems to be hard to find among females they tell me.

REALLY? I find I offend more people than not.

So I ask you again, what are asking them that is seemingly scaring them away?
 
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NathanCM is offline NathanCM Post #4  June 6,2009, 10:53pm
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213 matches
1 open communication = MIA
1 guided communication = MIA

So yea...I understand where you are coming from...
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  June 7,2009, 6:58am
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First question to you is when you too the Questionnaire did you take it seriously? Are the matches that you receive appear to be compatible based on their profile? If you thought that the Questionnaire was a joke then you will be matched with jokes.

Since you are getting matches that are communicating that is good. It would appear that you are asking questions that are too personal too early on in the communication. The types of questions I ask are related to how long she has lived in the area, where she is from, basic job questions and / or clarification on something in her profile or an answer from Guided Communication or something that she has asked me. I will leave the probing personal questions until we have met in person. I also do not go into a date with an agenda and conduct an interview.

I was on eHarmony for 7 1/2 months before I got a match that would go as far as Open Communication and even longer before I got one that would meet. It takes time.
 
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mystic_topaz is offline mystic_topaz Post #6  June 7,2009, 10:24am
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Join the club pwelborn.....no dates for me and I'm going on two years....

For some reason I always match up with the idiots and losers...but the sincere guys ont this forum, I never get in my inbox. why? hm...

Don't take this place too seriously, I don't. I will not be renewing.
 
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mermaid2244 is offline mermaid2244 Post #7  June 7,2009, 11:29am
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I was on EH over the winter, and actually met two of my matches. One is a good friend, the other was icky. I rejoined EH a month ago, and got matched with all my old closed matches - some who had closed me before, some who I had closed. I've only had about 3 totally new matches in this past month. The only messages I get are closed messages. It's either me, or the dating pool in my area/age is extremely small and EH doesn't want to tell me that there aren't any matches.
 
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LakesOfFire is offline LakesOfFire Post #8  June 7,2009, 9:46pm
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I'm sure geography has some part to play, but I live an hour from Miami and I haven't seen any results. I think the psychology is probably the first factor. The vulnerability of admitting that a person might need or want a little help meeting some, and then the ever-present fear of failure and rejection. I try not to take it too hard. The vast majority of our matches are probably voyeurs who signed up for free just to see who they might get matched up with but never got motivated to take the next step.

I think NathanCM's post was pretty insightful.

Less than a month in... I have had 35 matches, sent out three initial questionairres and received no responses or requests to communicate.
 
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #9  June 8,2009, 7:03am
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First, echo what Gr8 said: Did you take the personality profile honestly? (It's really easy to answer the questions as you think you are expected to answer them.)

Second, I average one date per year. I accept that because I like the people I meet through EH.

Third, in general the Long Questions are the ceiling (at least for a while) on the indepthness of the kind of questions you should be asking. The first few OC communications should be much less personal.

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OC is the tiny beginning not the goal line. Nurture your OCs carefully.
 
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coffeegeek is offline coffeegeek Post #10  June 8,2009, 8:19am
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mermaid2244 wrote :
I rejoined EH a month ago, and got matched with all my old closed matches - some who had closed me before, some who I had closed.
How'd you pull that off?
Did you actually fill out a whole new account or did you let your first membership lapse, then renew after a period?
 
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