florabell is offline florabell Post #1  May 31,2009, 9:01am
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I am overweight and obviously, having no luck whatsoever with EHarmony. My matches either do nothing or close me out for various reasons: too far away, in another relationship... But, most of the matches close for the reason of "other". Now, in my opinion, there is a list of what?..over a dozen reasons that one can close a match and it seems to be all inclusive...except for one remaining reason.... either you are ugly, fat, or ugly and fat. I wish that EHarmony would just add one more selection: "not attracted to match". I really think that it would be less hurtful for the match to just come out and say that rather than hide behind the secret, mysterious, cowardly 'other'. Any other, , females over 50 out there with the same experiences? What do you all think?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  May 31,2009, 9:37am
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“Other” is what I used for appearance discrepancy.
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Hurricane_Em is offline Hurricane_Em Post #3  May 31,2009, 9:38am
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I'm 44, and hate it when I get closed as 'other.' I wih eH would just remove that one and force people to choose something specific.....but not something like 'you're a toad!' "Other" just seems like a cop-out and as adults we should be able to use more descriptive language. And yes, of course I immediately jump to 'oh, he thinks I'm ugly.'
 
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Hurricane_Em is offline Hurricane_Em Post #4  May 31,2009, 9:41am
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D_Lion wrote :
“Other” is what I used for appearance discrepancy.

I agree that I wish there are choices for appearance: weight, grooming, and style.

I had plenty of closes for “other” too.
So what's an appearance discrepancy?! Seriously, since you're a guy, do you think you as well as other men use 'other' as guycode for 'not attractive/_ugly?' Just curious. What has you use that one as opposed to something else?
 
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florabell is offline florabell Post #5  May 31,2009, 10:05am
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Hurricane_Em wrote :
I'm 44, and hate it when I get closed as 'other.' I wih eH would just remove that one and force people to choose something specific.....but not something like 'you're a toad!' "Other" just seems like a cop-out and as adults we should be able to use more descriptive language. And yes, of course I immediately jump to 'oh, he thinks I'm ugly.'
Exactly. The option need not be “you’re a toad”…A simple “not attracted to match” would suffice. It could be helpful to those who merely need to take a more flattering photo. I’m not really unattractive (at least, I don’t think so), but am, as I said, overweight. We are adults, and if we can take “Based on statements in their profile, I'm not interested in this match.” (Ouch!), then we can also endure being rejected for appearance. I just object to the ambiguous implication.
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propanekid is offline propanekid Post #6  May 31,2009, 10:27am
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Yeah the "other" thing has been whipped to death here and then whipped some more.

I have gotten it more times than I care to admit. Back when I was active on the parent site.

Used it rarely. If I wasn't attracted I usually used the "don't feel the chemistry is there" or whatever it is. Nobody said it was gonna be easy. Online isn't any easier than in real life just expands the options some.

There are some Must haves/Can't stands that don't belong there either in my opinion, but that is another story.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #7  May 31,2009, 10:36am
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Hurricane_Em wrote :
So what's an appearance discrepancy?! Seriously, since you're a guy, do you think you as well as other men use 'other' as guycode for 'not attractive/_ugly?' Just curious. What has you use that one as opposed to something else?

By “appearance discrepancy,” I meant that my match and I would be a visually-jarring mis-aligned couple. This was most often due to her obesity, while I am the proportions of bicycle racer Lance Armstrong. I also encountered profiles with photos of women with jewelry in odd places on her face, visible tattoos, unnatural hair color or styling, or clothing / fashion tastes which are not to my liking.
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cfibl is offline cfibl Post #8  May 31,2009, 11:25am
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florabell wrote :
I am overweight and obviously, having no luck whatsoever with EHarmony. My matches either do nothing or close me out for various reasons: too far away, in another relationship... But, most of the matches close for the reason of "other". Now, in my opinion, there is a list of what?..over a dozen reasons that one can close a match and it seems to be all inclusive...except for one remaining reason.... either you are ugly, fat, or ugly and fat. I wish that EHarmony would just add one more selection: "not attracted to match". I really think that it would be less hurtful for the match to just come out and say that rather than hide behind the secret, mysterious, cowardly 'other'. Any other, , females over 50 out there with the same experiences? What do you all think?
"Not attracted to match" would probably be a good one to include. I typically use "other" when closing for attractiveness b/c there's really no option for that, but I've used it for other things as well. I've used other if she's significantly taller than I am (I'm kind of short, which is probably the root cause for my lack of success both on eH and out in the real world. But that's another story......). I also just closed one out using other who was playing some kind of childesh phone-tag games, b/c there's not a "tired of wasting my time" option. I'd rather get closed out for "other" than "rather not say".

Since you're admittingly overweight, are you trying to communicate with matches who are also overweight? If not, then you might want to try this b/c you might have more success that way.
 
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Hurricane_Em is offline Hurricane_Em Post #9  May 31,2009, 11:38am
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I'll add that what I've started doing is closing with "pursuing another relationship," since effectively, that's what I'm doing. I may think the guy sounds like/looks like Homer Simpson, but I'm not going to go there with someone I don't know...why be hurtful. There also isn't an option that says, "I'm too educated/intelligent for you and think we'd have nothing to talk about." Yeah, I think that too.

That said, if the guy writes extremely well but isn't the hottest thing out there but looks and sounds nice--you betcha I'm going to contact him. I'm a writer and the easiest way to get me interested is to be literate, intelligent and write well. So far I've had two matches which meet that criteria (out of nearly 400...) and one I plan to go out with again and the other I'm in OC with and he's holding my attention because the dude can write really, really well.
 
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wordwoman is offline wordwoman Post #10  May 31,2009, 11:52am
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+10. If a guy can write well, he's almost home with me too. Isn't it just lovely when you find those?
 
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