CastleLady is offline CastleLady Post #11  May 30,2009, 10:43pm
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Interesting. I see no photo of you at all, so I have no idea whether you are making any effort to appear attractive, but I'm not sure what sort of effort you think I ought to make. No, seriously. I'm wondering if you think I need to be made up for a Glamour Shot, or have my hair done or down, or what you have in mind. Can you be more specific?
 
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CastleLady is offline CastleLady Post #12  May 30,2009, 10:46pm
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Yes, we're not too far apart! I'd feel less frustrated if there were spurts, LOL, but I mostly seem to get trickles and no responses at all. *Sighs*
 
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CastleLady is offline CastleLady Post #13  May 30,2009, 11:02pm
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Thank you for the vote of confidence! The photo in question is a couple of years old (because I spend more time behind cameras than in front of them), but is neither staged nor artificially enhanced. I do wear glasses and sometimes wear my hair pulled up (or in braids) during hot weather because it's long and I prefer to have it out of the way. I see nothing wrong with either. Like you, I would prefer to see an honest representation of how a person really looks. I've seen some Glamour Shots that were almost scary, and certainly looked very little like the real person underneath all the makeup. I'd prefer to think we don't have to misrepresent ourselves to get responses, but maybe I'm wrong.
 
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CastleLady is offline CastleLady Post #14  May 30,2009, 11:41pm
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I'll bear that in mind. Of course, not seeing your photos, I can't judge what you personally did to improve them.
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #15  May 31,2009, 12:14am
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It is so complicated, ya'll, and it doesn't even have to be.

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CastleLady wrote :
Interesting. I see no photo of you at all, so I have no idea whether you are making any effort to appear attractive, but I'm not sure what sort of effort you think I ought to make. No, seriously. I'm wondering if you think I need to be made up for a Glamour Shot, or have my hair done or down, or what you have in mind. Can you be more specific?
I say be yourself. If you're not going to doll it up everyday, why give the impression in a photo that you're like that. I have the ugliest, nerdiest glasses created...like two steps below Buddy Holly frames. And I don't care that they are ugly, because they are practical for what I need to do. So, when guys see me in them, they probably say a few Hail Marys. I do wear contacts a lot when I'm outside cause I can't see out of tented lens and need shades in the sun. But I have photos in my nerdy glasses as well as without. He gets the whole packet, geek and all. If I'm rejected for appearance, so be it. My ego can stand it, because I've come to the realization that I can't be any more than what I really am. So, get comfortable in your own skin, is what I'm saying. If dolling it up does it for you, then do that. If it's not something that you're comfortable with or not something that represents how you really are, don't waste your time.
 
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florabell is offline florabell Post #16  May 31,2009, 9:43am
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I understand your frustrations completely, as I am experiencing the same here. I think it is interesting that many suggestions relate to your photograph. I think you look nice and approachable, something that I am looking for in a (male) match myself, and was, at first angered that some individuals suggested making yourself appear more “attractive”. But, as I read on, I did see the point of perhaps, not making yourself look like someone else, but possibly ‘pose’ in a more attractive way; maybe something interesting in the background –walking in the park, playing with your dog… After three months no one seems to be interested in me, as well. I think I’m pretty spectacular J, but guess no one else agrees. I did learn something, though, from one of the posts; he said that some women’s photos looked depressed. I don’t like any pictures of myself because I am overweight, so just posted the one that looked less –unattractive, and now see that I do look like I am depressed in the picture. I think I will take another picture ASAP! Good luck to you! ~florabella
 
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ladybird50 is offline ladybird50 Post #17  June 1,2009, 5:31pm
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I think everyone should try to look there best in a photo. If you go out for the evening or even in the day, do you go out looking like you just rolled out of bed? I for one wont reply to someone who has a picture posted with a dirty tee shirt on. A picture says a thousand words, I'm not saying take glamour pictures but trying to look nice is a good thing.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #18  June 1,2009, 6:28pm
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Castle Lady,

You have to consider all possible reasons why you're not having success. Go to any reputable online dating expert, and they will tell you that your photos are important. It doesn't mean that all people care about is looks; but the truth is that you have to put your best foot -- and face -- forward in an online profile.

BWR recommended getting a better photo. That was a bit blunt, but that is his personal opinion. If he received you as a match he would likely close you...he just told you why. The women are telling you that you look fine, but I would assume that you're trying to date men, not women. So while I don't want to step on the toes of those female posters, I don't know how much weight their compliments have in your situation.

I think Gr8guy's post really sums up the usual contributing factors to low success rate with online dating. Mystic Topaz hit on another one...location, location, location. Hopefully you will get more feedback or testimonials from other eHa members, and then you'll have all ammo you know to begin having more success with eHa.

Best of luck.
 
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FirefighterTimWilver is offline FirefighterTimWilver Post #19  June 2,2009, 7:53pm
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I like DDjr's idea about posting your "About Me" profile on here. Since many of us here are running into the "no response" problem, why can't we be free to pick a date here instead? I find it stupid that we paying members should be matched up with non-paying people. No offense to those non-paying but if they cannot respond to us, why even bother matching us?????
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #20  June 2,2009, 8:38pm

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Hi FirefighterTimWilver,

Actually, it is possible to meet someone special through eHarmony Advice by participating in discussions – some people have.

Thanks for voicing your opinion about paying members being matched with non-paying members. The good news is that any match you receive is showing signs of activity like logging in and clicking on profiles, otherwise we will not send them to you. Our research shows that for the most part, these matches are just as likely to sign up and communicate as paying members. I can confirm that this is true from the many eager “pre-subscribers” I encounter on a regular basis.

We don’t want to withhold any opportunity you have to meet a highly compatible match who could turn out to be someone special. Non-paying members can see your About Me page, so as you suggested, it’s a great idea to make yours stand out to the right person.

I mentioned this earlier in the thread, but it bears repeating: we now are offering workshops on the first 3 About Me questions, so here they are again:

eHarmony Profile Workshop: Question 1: "What Are You Most Passionate About?" - Dating & Relationship Discussion Boards – eHarmony Advice

eHarmony Profile Workshop - Question 2: What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful? - Dating & Relationship Discussion Boards – eHarmony Advice

eHarmony Profile Workshop: Question 3: "Who has been most influential person in your life, & why?' - Dating & Relationship Discussion Boards – eHarmony Advice

Hope you will all consider joining these discussions!

~Kate
eHarmony Advice Host
Last edited by eH_Advice_Host_Kate; June 2,2009 at 8:59pm.
 
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