I Was in O.C. w/Match for 2 Weeks, Then She Closed Me! Why, I wonder...?


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Mr. Nice Guy is offline Mr. Nice Guy Post #1  May 24,2009, 3:13pm
Mr. Nice Guy's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Jan 2008

Posts: 176

See profile

Like the title says I have been in O.C. recently with a really great match sending messages back and forth just about every day, but today she closed me without giving me a second chance. She did leave me a goodbye message at the very least, thank God. Everything seemed to be going just fine, then she lays this surprise on me all of a sudden. I think it may have been me, though. I may have actually screwed things up. She may have let me go for one of 2 reasons or possibly even both. Here is what I speculate. . .

  1. She let me go because in my very first O.C. message to her, I told her that I have Asperger Syndrome (AS). She was really cool about it at first. Really, she was! She accepted it and said she would not judge me for it. And the only reason why I let it out so soon was because she told me about her physical health problems around the end of our Guided Communication process. It was not my intention to tell her so soon, but I figured that since she had shared some personal information about herself with me, it was only fair. I don't know, maybe she read too deeply into the literature about AS or something and found out that the statistics say the divorce rate among couples where one person is Aspie and the other is not is as high as 80%, much higher than even the general population. I try not to pay much attention to the stats, though. I have always believed that there is a woman out there for me that is perfect for me, and now I am depending on EH to find her for me, whoever she is. Yes, there are Aspies out there in this world that do get married and do have children of their own, and some of them stay married for a long, long, long time, even 'till death do them part. :-)
  2. She let me go because at one point before right before Free Communication Weekend began, I told her that I have more open matches in my list and I may reach O.C. with one or more of them over the weekend. The point I was trying to make is that I am just simply keeping an open mind on things and that I might have my hands full with 1 or more other matches this weekend. It was never my intention to indicate that I am a player and might try to cheat. She took it very well at first and she seemed to agree with me on several points. I happened to have actually reached O.C. with another match this morning and I updated her on this status. She even told me that she had 2 other matches she had gotten to O.C. with over the weekend herself and was having to learn how to "juggle." I was perfectly okay with that myself. But then just about an hour ago, a few hours after I received my last message from her, she wrote me a goodbye message and closed me out. She said she didn't think we were meant to be together, but that she would pray that I find the woman of my dreams. It doesn't get anymore bittersweet than that, folks. :-|

So now, I have just revealed today to my newest match I have reached O.C. with that I have Asperger Syndrome. Oh, bother. This worries me. I hate waiting too long to tell my matches about this condition. At the very same time I would like them to get a chance to know me first before they start to judge me on something like that. But I can't just keep it from them forever! So what am I supposed to do? How long do I wait? What do you think is the most likely reason that this woman closed me out? And what should I do different next time? Anyone please?

You decide!

P.S. Perhaps it would be best to get a woman's opinion on this. ;-)
Last edited by Mr. Nice Guy; May 24,2009 at 4:37pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
Hurricane_Em is offline Hurricane_Em Post #2  May 24,2009, 4:45pm
Hurricane_Em's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Apr 2009

Posts: 85

See profile

Here's my thought...I'm a teacher, so not much fazes me and AS wouldn't. I have students diagnosed with the condition and a lot of times, it's not a big deal--however, if your match doesn't know much, it could be an issue, presumably if she reads some of the studies citing how some person w/ AS have communication problems and the like (which it doesn't seem that you do!).

I'd play down the Asperger's personally, especially if it doesn't really define who you are or your personality. Possibly not even mentioning it until right before you meet or when you meet. Then again, it's hard to say since AS can present itself differently in each person. I have a daughter who is on the autism spectrum as well--very mildly--and other than a fascination with math and science, it doesn't come up, really, other than the fact she's a bit quirky. That may well be your situation as well.

I don't know how old you are, but that may be a factor as well, since younger women may have differing views than I do (I'm in my 40s).

Also, I typically don't discuss other matches/OC for the most part with men I'm in OC with. I will ask, though, if they've ever met anyone from online before, just for kicks, but I think if you get specific about how many women you're chatting with, that may come off a bit pushy or odd. That's just my opinion.

I wouldn't stress too much about one match--just hang in there and keep talking with other women...that said, I know it's frustrating to be poofed on--and I've had it happen after several weeks, too.
 
  Reply With Quote
Mr. Nice Guy is offline Mr. Nice Guy Post #3  May 24,2009, 4:54pm
Mr. Nice Guy's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Jan 2008

Posts: 176

See profile

Hurricane_Em wrote :
I don't know how old you are, but that may be a factor as well, since younger women may have differing views than I do (I'm in my 40s).
I am 29.
 
  Reply With Quote
scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #4  May 24,2009, 5:03pm

no stuntman surprises or houdini like disguises for death defying escape

Unregistered

Joined: Apr 2009

Where the clouds are like headlines on a new front page sky

Posts: 10,721

See profile

i don't think it was a good idea to discuss other matches and your status with someone you are in OC with. It's assumed that you both are because you are both on EH.
 
  Reply With Quote
stevex is offline stevex Post #5  May 24,2009, 6:23pm
stevex's Avatar

Life is a blessing, it's a delicatessen.

Veteran

Joined: May 2009

Austin, TX

Posts: 1,297

See profile

Here is the thing, you can sit here and worry about why she closed you all day long and you will never know the true answer. It could be one or both of your proposed reasons. As for the first thing, I do now know anything about AS, but I am sure that you will be able to meet someone who is able to cope with it. As for your second reason, I will second what scarlet said, it is never a good idea to talk about other matches. You wouldn't meet a woman in a bar and tell her about all the other women you met that night. It just isn't a kosher thing to do.

In the end I wish you good luck, we have all had matches close us (or most of us, I am sure there might be one or two that hasn't had that happen). I recently had a lady that I was in OC with for a month and she was pretty amazing close me for being in a relationship with someone else. You just have to keep you chin up (and yes, that is very hard to do).
 
  Reply With Quote
meri75 is offline meri75 Post #6  May 25,2009, 2:30pm
meri75's Avatar

really wants a double dissolution in 2011!

Power Poster

Joined: Mar 2009

Australia

Posts: 5,112

See profile

Really, it could be so many things as to why she made this decision ... you may tie yourself in knots trying to figure it out!

WRT to the new match you've just revealed your AS status to, is there a stigma associated with AS? I know a few people with AS and I've never seen them as different to me ... but this is clearly worrying you.
 
  Reply With Quote
Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #7  May 25,2009, 11:29pm
Oregon_Coast_…'s Avatar

We're one of a kind, like dip di-dip di-dip, doo-bop a doo-bee doo

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2008

OR

Posts: 2,405

See profile

You had a lot of open matches. She probably did too. She decided she liked one better than you. It happens. Eventually, you will do the same thing to someone else.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Looking for help and input. | Using eHarmony | give me a read please »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Guess what showed up on Propa's back porch a couple weeks ago. propanekid AAA Completely Stupid Conversations 18 May 20,2009 1:47pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Absolutely not. I have no idea why allowing gays to marry would affect anyone's lives, unless they're sexually insecure about themselves.” –  sun73

Join the “Did our President give up the election for a single issue?” discussion

“I learned that the woman's communication style has to fit mine or else it won't work.” –  sun73

Join the “Why do 40 yr olds still play games?” discussion

“Here's where to email if you think a match might be a fraud: matchconcerns@eharmony.com . Tell them the match's name and location so they can find them. If what's making you suspicious is an email ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Match from another country...is he a "fraud"?” discussion

“I know you clarified you just want a general opinion on when people bring this subject up, but I'm going to give you both that and also what I believe you should do. The general idea most of the ... ” –  Herkemer

Join the “When is it time to discuss your position on having kids?” discussion

“And that's a very valid point. I get the feeling that eHarmony is keeping their price high to show they they are not cheap and therefore, their members are serious.It seems to me that combining the ... ” –  MicMan

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“How long have you all been on EH? Thanks for the advice. I signed on in late April 2012 but have been on other dating sites in the past.” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “New Here” discussion

“The only one that bothers me is the "they weren't his kids so meh ..." But there could be a whole world of story behind that. Like "she dumped me and it was painful and I hated losing the kids in ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 1:16pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0