If you match a can't stand, do you keep talking to the match?


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stevex is offline stevex Post #1  May 24,2009, 12:45pm
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This is a very interesting question because I have recently been matched with someone who listed one of their can't stands as their date being overweight. Now I find it very interesting that if that was one of her can't stands that she even responded to my initial questions. So now I have the chance to write her an open communication message or close her. Now I have six photos on my profile, my primary photo shows from my waist up and if you ask me it clearly shows that I am overweight.

So I have a few choices here, close her, take a chance and keep talking to her, mention to her that I noticed that and be honest about it up front. What would YOU do?
 
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Hurricane_Em is offline Hurricane_Em Post #2  May 24,2009, 1:00pm
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I posted about something similar; I had one guy who listed as a "must have" as his date needed to be "more attractive than the norm" (not sure what eH's exact phrasing is) and the one about not overweight. He was also about 15 year older than me and a doctor, which makes me think he's into trophy chicks, possibly. I have pictures posted (including full length), and guess I'm ok looking and not large, but it still made me feel kind of weird...like I might be evaluated harshly if I didn't "look good enough" or something. Or didn't wear makeup or something.

My thought is that if you like the woman, pursue it. You may not even like her personality once you're writing one another, you never know. Also, her perception of 'overweight' may be different than yours--she may mean something far different than what you perceive your body to be.

I probably should listen to my own advice.
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #3  May 24,2009, 1:05pm
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Some people feel bad about closing matches, and will send MHCS that show clear incompatibility and hope that you close them.
Last edited by Oregon_Coast_Guy; May 24,2009 at 1:44pm. Reason: grammatical error
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #4  May 24,2009, 1:10pm
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Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :
Some people feel bad about closing matches, and will send MHCS that show clear incompatibility and how that you close them.
Sounds a bit silly. I am sure some people do that; however, I can only hope that is not the case here.

Like Hurricane_Em suggested I went ahead and wrote you the first message in Open Communication. Because like she pointed out the opinions of what is overweight might be different. Also, there is always a chance that I could prove myself to be a great guy. Bottom line, I have nothing to lose. If she decides later on down the road I am not her type, I am no where worse off than I am today.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #5  May 24,2009, 1:44pm
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I will usually read and almost ignore the must haves (except the definitive ones.) “Overweight” might mean, “heavier than thin,” or it might mean, “heavier than average” (a very different thing, in the US.)

Look at is this way: are you willing to buy her on a date, and take the chance of never hearing from her again, due to your weight? The choice is yours.
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #6  May 24,2009, 7:15pm
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As I mentioned in the free communication weekend thread, she told me that she was only there for the free communication weekend and had not gotten the chance to see what I looked like. So it is very possible that she doesn't know that I am a big guy. I attached my primary photo to the email that I sent her and we will see what happens. If she is shallow (oh my, heaven forbid I call someone shallow for turning a guy down because he is overweight, no that doesn't make her shallow at all, she is just concerned about my health) she may not respond. However, I am trying to be optimistic and we will see what happens.
 
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mkucsera is offline mkucsera Post #7  May 24,2009, 8:15pm
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Good luck with the email/match. I hope honesty prevails for good or ill.

Hurricane_Em -- I feel your pain. I received a match today who stated in his profile that he was looking for a slim, feminine young lady who 'walks with Jesus'.

I closed the match because I am neither slim nor feminine. But it made me wonder. Most of my matches are in to working out and half of them look like body builders. I am athletic in terms of build, but I'm not supermodel thin. However, I love to work out and I'm at the gym so much, all the folks manning reception know my name and face. I'm wondering if that's going to be an issue because my profile picture only shows me from the shoulders up. I'm working on taking a getting a pic of me from my best friend's wedding. My profile clearly states that I love to work out; are these guys going to expect something I'm not?
 
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mkucsera is offline mkucsera Post #8  May 24,2009, 8:17pm
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I should clarify and add that I don't consider myself overweight; I'm a size 8.
 
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Hurricane_Em is offline Hurricane_Em Post #9  May 24,2009, 10:33pm
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mkucsera wrote :
Good luck with the email/match. I hope honesty prevails for good or ill.

Hurricane_Em -- I feel your pain. I received a match today who stated in his profile that he was looking for a slim, feminine young lady who 'walks with Jesus'.

I closed the match because I am neither slim nor feminine. But it made me wonder. Most of my matches are in to working out and half of them look like body builders. I am athletic in terms of build, but I'm not supermodel thin. However, I love to work out and I'm at the gym so much, all the folks manning reception know my name and face. I'm wondering if that's going to be an issue because my profile picture only shows me from the shoulders up. I'm working on taking a getting a pic of me from my best friend's wedding. My profile clearly states that I love to work out; are these guys going to expect something I'm not?
I don't know either; I'm not slim, either, but work out a lot as well--but Barbie, I'm not. Think Eastern European (like Czech, Russian) villager--that's my heritage and I definitely have the build and muscles to plow all day. I also lift weights, which probably doesn't help, but I really like it, so who cares! I'm healthy, which is the whole point of it.

Who knows?! I think every profile I've read infers the guy's a gym rat or something, which I find hard to believe, so who knows what's real.
 
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Hurricane_Em is offline Hurricane_Em Post #10  May 24,2009, 10:39pm
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stevex wrote :

Like Hurricane_Em suggested I went ahead and wrote you the first message in Open Communication. Because like she pointed out the opinions of what is overweight might be different. Also, there is always a chance that I could prove myself to be a great guy. Bottom line, I have nothing to lose. If she decides later on down the road I am not her type, I am no where worse off than I am today.
Great job! Seriously, you don't know--if you're active, busy and have personality to boot, she's not going to obsess over your weight. There is a huge range of weight and what it looks like visually; personally, in my age range (40ish) "beer guts" (big tummy, slim rest of body) are common in some men and that's much less attractive, IMO, than a "beefy" man.

Hope it all works out for you!
 
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