Help! Is my profile bad, bland, or coma inducing?


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CorporateMofo is offline CorporateMofo Post #1  May 20,2009, 6:51pm
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I think I need some help from the ladies here! I don't seem to be getting as much of a response from my profile as I'd like. Perhaps you could critique my profile and offer some helpful suggestions?

I find writing about myself to be very difficult. I'm a decent looking guy, I'm 31, and I have my life in order - I make a nice living, own my own home and a very nice car, etc - but I find it difficult to talk about success without coming across in a negative light - I don't want to be seen as self indulgent, overconfident, or overly cocky. But... trying to avoid any of these issues seems to lead to what may be a boring profile!

My profile is below:

Edit: This is the original version. I now have a tweaked version a few posts down containing my changes.

-------------------------------------------

1. What are you most passionate about?
I'm passionate about trying and experiencing new things. I like exploring new places and appreciate the opportunity to travel to experience other cultures. I like learning new things and always strive to keep improving.
2. What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?
  1. my family who is always there for me.
  2. the opportunities and experiences that I've had so far, they've made me who I am.
  3. having a great career and the drive to keep growing
3. Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?
My Uncle. He taught me the importance of having goals and the drive to achieve them.
4. The four things your friends say about you are:
  1. Hard Working
  2. Intelligent
  3. Easy-Going
  4. Funny
5. What are three of your BEST life-skills?
  1. Using humor to make friends laugh
  2. Being a good friend and companion
  3. Achieving personal goals
6. What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?
Honesty. I believe that trust is the core of a good long-term relationship. After all, if we can't trust each other what is there to build on?
7. Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?
People usually notice that I'm a very positive person. I don't let little things get to me and I can find something humorous in just about any situation. I'm generally an optimist and I truly believe that the future is full of exciting opportunities.
8. What is the ONE thing that people DON'T notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD?
I'm creative and like to design things. I toy with digital image creation, design the occasional piece of furniture, and come up with interesting concepts... sometimes I do this for fun, other times I actually try to turn the ideas into something real.
9. How do you typically spend your leisure time?
I love going to the movies, shopping, trying out new and interesting restaurants, exploring the neighboring cities, travelling, and taking the time to learn something. I'm also a bit of an entrepreneur and have a number of projects that I'm working on.

In order to counter all the time spent at the office, I go to the gym regularly. I try to work out 4-6 times per week, schedule permitting.

But... Sometimes it's fun to do a lot of nothing - like watch some TV on the couch or just hop in the car, drop the top, and go cruising around just because it's a beautiful day.
10. What are five things that you "can't live without?"
  1. family and friends
  2. the ocean
  3. music
  4. warm sunny days
  5. tivo
11. Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?
Absolut Book. It's a coffee table art book about the success of the Absolut Vodka advertising campaign.

Aside from the interesting artwork, it was neat to see how the campaign started and how it evolved over time (the pictures were the best part, though!).
12. Describe one thing about yourself that only your best friends know.
Haha, there's a reason only my best friends know about it!
13. Is there any additional information you would like your matches to know about you?
I'm from Michigan and moved here about 3 years ago. Hardly a day goes by that I don't feel lucky to be here.
----------------------

I don't know... this feels a bit lacking to me. What are your thoughts?

Any help would be greatly appreciated!
Last edited by CorporateMofo; May 21,2009 at 7:45am.
 
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bravethestorm is offline bravethestorm Post #2  May 20,2009, 7:39pm
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CorporateMofo wrote :
I find it difficult to talk about success without coming across in a negative light - I don't want to be seen as self indulgent, overconfident, or overly cocky. But... trying to avoid any of these issues seems to lead to what may be a boring profile!
Yes...the general overall impression I get from it is that it blends in. I'm not in a coma but it is very bland. To really give yourself personality on a profile..you need to add some details to show you are a living breathing person.

It didn't pick up to me until your answer to 8. I think you got to grab your reader and hold their attention from the beginning. Otherwise, the skimmers especially will just close or move on to another match.

What I liked about 8 was the details...it revealed a lot of your interests and how you go about things. Same for 9.

Seriously...fill in any odd detail for 12 even if everyone you know is aware of it. Answers that don't put anything there are so common that it is really annoying.

13...why are you lucky to be in michigan. leave your reader thinking something positive that they will want to contact you.

I'd really put some time into breathing life into the beginning of the profile...the rest just needs some touch ups. Just try to avoid typical phrases and give details that describe you to someone that hasn't met you.

Good luck!
 
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CorporateMofo is offline CorporateMofo Post #3  May 20,2009, 10:34pm
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Thanks Brave,

That's some great advice. I'll see if I can follow it to breathe more life into the profile.

I had a feeling it was a bit bland and it's great to have someone else confirm it.
 
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sweetnotromeo is offline sweetnotromeo Post #4  May 20,2009, 11:12pm
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Corporate Mofo,

Congratulations! You're young, successful, accomplished in the business world, and now, you're looking for your one and only. You've reached a pinnacle in your life, and you're looking for your beau to share it with.

Remember, although you've reached success professionally and in various other parts of your life, you're still the same gentleman you were before, you're simply now allowing yourself to reach out to that one woman who will complete your heart.

You have a lot to offer your potential beau, and (if I may say) although you might now have a busy schedule, I suspect that you still would love to make time for that special woman.

I think you should spend a little bit of time with your profile as you suggest. Your beau will immediately know that you're quite accomplished from your list of accolades. The question for her will be: "How do I fit in?" Corporate Mofo, perhaps part of your extraordinary success has been the result of being quiet, but your search for your dream girl cannot be.

Now is the time to be open and honest about who you are. Do you love to give gentle neck kisses? That should be in your profile. Do you love to go to rock concerts? Put that in your profile. When you take a day off from your schedule, what happens after you take your beau's hand? Do you drive down the coast to wine country? Do you go to an unknown restaurant where the food is prepared table-side?

Corporate Mofo, your profile should say how you're romantic. You're incredibly accomplished and the women that are interested in your profile want to know. Remember, you're half of the equation. To attract the woman of your dreams, let go of a little of your romantic side. Be brave, and the woman of your dreams will be brave also. You have to take the first step!

Good luck!
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #5  May 20,2009, 11:52pm
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Toodles, sayonara, and happy trails! Wishing everyone luck and love...

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sweetnotromeo wrote :

Now is the time to be open and honest about who you are. Do you love to give gentle neck kisses? That should be in your profile. Do you love to go to rock concerts? Put that in your profile. When you take a day off from your schedule, what happens after you take your beau's hand? Do you drive down the coast to wine country? Do you go to an unknown restaurant where the food is prepared table-side?
Oh noooo; don't put that...lol. No matter how much you like to do it... For the most part, feedback on the boards is that women don't really like men to jump the gun in the sex and romance department in their profiles. That can come later in the communication process (or after you've actually met).

I agree that your profile comes across as a bit blah (well composed, but still a bit blah). My feedback below:

1. What are you most passionate about?
I'm passionate about trying and experiencing new things. I like exploring new places and appreciate the opportunity to travel to experience other cultures. I like learning new things and always strive to keep improving.

This isn't bad, but it's pretty generic. Can you give examples? What is something new that you've recently tried? What is a place you've traveled that was especially meaningful? If you flush things out a bit, you don't need to have a laundry list here; just a couple of things that help your matches see a bit more of who you are.
2. What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?
my family who is always there for me.
the opportunities and experiences that I've had so far, they've made me who I am. That's kind of true for everyone; can you name one or two?
having a great career and the drive to keep growing What is it about your career that excites you?
3. Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?
My Uncle. He taught me the importance of having goals and the drive to achieve them. How did he do that? What made him so special?
4. The four things your friends say about you are: ok
Hard Working
Intelligent
Easy-Going
Funny
5. What are three of your BEST life-skills? ok
Using humor to make friends laugh Given the emphasis that you've placed on humor in this question and the one above, I should be getting at least one or two laughs from your profile..lol (I'm not).
Being a good friend and companion
Achieving personal goals
6. What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?
Honesty. I believe that trust is the core of a good long-term relationship. After all, if we can't trust each other what is there to build on? Honestly, a lot of people put this; it doesn't set you apart in any way. Can you add something a bit quirky, perhaps?
7. Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?
People usually notice that I'm a very positive person. I don't let little things get to me and I can find something humorous in just about any situation. I'm generally an optimist and I truly believe that the future is full of exciting opportunities. How do people notice this?
8. What is the ONE thing that people DON'T notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD?
I'm creative and like to design things. I toy with digital image creation, design the occasional piece of furniture, and come up with interesting concepts... sometimes I do this for fun, other times I actually try to turn the ideas into something real. Interesting! Can you give an example of something that you turned into "something real"?
9. How do you typically spend your leisure time?
I love going to the movies, shopping, trying out new and interesting restaurants, exploring the neighboring cities, travelling, and taking the time to learn something. I'm also a bit of an entrepreneur and have a number of projects that I'm working on. Any info you'd like to share about these?

In order to counter all the time spent at the office, I go to the gym regularly. I try to work out 4-6 times per week, schedule permitting.

But... Sometimes it's fun to do a lot of nothing - like watch some TV on the couch or just hop in the car, drop the top, and go cruising around just because it's a beautiful day. Nice.
10. What are five things that you "can't live without?"

Can you give a little more detail with these? Say something about why each is so important (family and friends is obvious, but what sort of music do you like, what do you tivo, etc.)
family and friends
the ocean
music
warm sunny days
tivo
11. Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?
Absolut Book. It's a coffee table art book about the success of the Absolut Vodka advertising campaign.

Aside from the interesting artwork, it was neat to see how the campaign started and how it evolved over time (the pictures were the best part, though!).
You could tie this back to your own creativity and interest in design. Did the book inspire you in some way?
12. Describe one thing about yourself that only your best friends know.
Haha, there's a reason only my best friends know about it! Oh, noooo... you have to change this. This is the answer that you find in half the profiles. Just putting something different will make you stand out. It doesn't have to be anything serious (or a deep, dark secret), it can just be anything that people in general might not know about you.
13. Is there any additional information you would like your matches to know about you?
I'm from Michigan and moved here about 3 years ago. Hardly a day goes by that I don't feel lucky to be here. Maybe say something about why you feel so lucky (I went to MSU for grad school myself, so I definitely understand why the beach would be a lot more fun...lol).
 
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CorporateMofo is offline CorporateMofo Post #6  May 21,2009, 1:22am
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Thanks for the advice everyone! Here's take 2 on the profile below. Hopefully, I've been able to swap out some of the bore!

--------------

1. What are you most passionate about?
I'm passionate about trying and experiencing new things. I like exploring new places and appreciate the opportunity to travel to experience other cultures. On my last trip, I went to Hong Kong, China, and Macau – it’s amazing how different these places are even though they’re so close together.

I like learning new things and always strive to keep improving; learning anything is good – a new skill, how to play an instrument, or even something as simple as a better frozen daiquiri recipe!

2. What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?
1. My family, they’re always there for me and continue to play an important part in my life. No matter what happens I know I can always count on them.
2. I’ve been on many adventures and have met many kinds of people from all walks of life along the way. I’m thankful to have had these opportunities as they’ve helped shape what I am today.
3. Having a great career and the drive to keep growing. I like my job and enjoy the challenges of a competitive work environment. What can I say... corporate politics are fun!

3. Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?
My Uncle. We were very close and I would visit him in Hong Kong for a few months every year as I was growing up. He taught me the importance of having goals and the drive to achieve them. “Be good and work hard!” he’d say. His success and determination made him a positive role model for most of my life.

4. The four things your friends say about you are:
1. Hard Working
2. Intelligent
3. Easy-Going
4. Funny

5. What are three of your BEST life-skills?
1. Using humor to make friends laugh
2. Being a good friend and companion
3. Achieving personal goals

6. What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?
Honesty is the most important quality because trust is essential to a great relationship. Aside from that, I’m looking for someone who has a great sense of humor and likes to laugh. Bonus points for being witty and double bonus points if you like stimulating conversation.

7. Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?
I'm a very positive person. I don't let little things get to me and I can laugh off almost anything. Life’s too short to worry about obstacles and, besides, it’s more fun to think up off-the-wall solutions to any problems that pop up!

[Edit Start: removed, I'm not old! ]
A few weeks at a block party, a neighbor asked about my age then commented that he thought I was younger because of my level of optimism and good attitude towards current events... guess I’m not ready yet to be old and grumpy! [Edit End]

8. What is the ONE thing that people DON'T notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD?
I'm creative and like to design things. I toy with digital image creation, design the occasional piece of furniture, and come up with interesting concepts... sometimes I do this for fun, other times I actually try to turn the ideas into something real. [Edit: Start: Removed this stuff... boring!]I recently put together a system for controlling home theaters. I’m currently playing around with iPhone applications.[Edit: End]

9. How do you typically spend your leisure time?
I love going to the movies, shopping, trying out new and interesting restaurants, exploring the neighboring cities, travelling, and taking the time to learn something. I'm also a bit of an entrepreneur and have a number of projects that I'm working on.

In order to counter all the time spent at the office, I go to the gym regularly.[Edit Start: Removed, sounds like a health nut] I try to work out 4-6 times per week, schedule permitting.[Edit End]

But... Sometimes it's fun to do a lot of nothing - like watch some TV on the couch or just hop in the car, drop the top, and go cruising around just because it's a beautiful day.

10. What are five things that you "can't live without?"
1. Family and friends [Edit Start: Removed. Won't fit in eharmony]because everyone needs someone to care about them[Edit End]
2. The ocean [Edit Start: Removed. Won't fit in eharmony] – I love the sound of crashing waves and the salty aroma of the ocean air[Edit End]
3. Music [Edit Start: Removed. Won't fit in eharmony]. I love it all from electronic to classical to rock and R&B. Right now I’m listening to Oscar Peterson on the Jazz piano.[Edit End]
4. Warm sunny days [Edit Start: Removed. Won't fit in eharmony] – they’re a lot more fun than cold rainy days.[Edit End]
5. Tivo [Edit Start: Removed. Won't fit in eharmony], whoever invented this thing is my hero.[Edit End]

11. Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?
Absolut Book. It's a coffee table art book about the success of the Absolut Vodka advertising campaign.

Aside from the interesting artwork, it was neat to see how the campaign started and how it evolved over time (the pictures were the best part, though!). Studying the creative process of others is inspirational.

12. Describe one thing about yourself that only your best friends know.
[Edit Start: Removed, sounds cheesy. Decided to replace with something silly (below)] ... snip ... [Edit End]

I used to tell my friends that one of my life’s goals was to own a palm tree. I was able to cross that off the list about 2 years ago. I know it’s silly, but I love that tree!

13. Is there any additional information you would like your matches to know about you?
I'm originally from Michigan and moved here about 3 years ago. Hardly a day goes by that I don't feel lucky to be here. We have mountains, deserts, lakes, and the ocean all within a short drive... what an amazing place to live!


--------------

Any suggestions on the revision?

Thanks again for the help!
Last edited by CorporateMofo; May 21,2009 at 9:03pm.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  May 21,2009, 2:26am
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There is nothing wrong with your original profile. It does sound a lot like many other profiles that I get, but if we were matched, I'd contact you. Why? Because I have a basic idea of what you may be about without having to read a novel. You seem normal (very important quality), rational, there are no red flags, you have a career that you like, sounds like you have good friends and good relations with your family, you like to travel and seem open minded. That is actually enough for me to be interested in getting to know someone a little better.

Personally, I get wary of profiles that are too well crafted, too wordy, too specific about what he does, etc. Even though I love reading, it's hard to read a long profile when you get so many new matches that you need to weed through every single day.

Also, when I see a particularly long and wordy profile the first thought that comes to mind is that this guy really likes to hear himself talk. You know what? Every single match like that turned out to be exactly that in real life - highly self-absorbed, long-winded, and boring.

As far as romance comments that some posters suggested - honestly if I never see another profile mention long walks on the beach or how he loves to do XYZ for the lady, I'll die perfectly happy. Again, it's blatant, boring, rear end kissing marketing and does not reflect all that well on the guy. It will definitely not make you stand out from the heard, but it will make my eyes roll when I read it....lol....

Anyway, if you are worried about why so many matches never respond - it's not your profile, it's that a huge percentage of your matches are not paying members and can look at your profile, but cannot actually respond. Same thing if you've been communicating with someone and suddenly they stopped - chances are their subscription ran out before you could exchange e-mails. Hope this helps and good luck to you.

Added Note: Your edited profile....well....you just went into my maybe pile. The chivalry bit especially......a genuinely nice person will never point out to you that they are nice. When someone does point that out, well they are not nice, they are pretending to be nice and doing it as a chore expecting a return on their investment. A person to stay away from. Also, good manners....meh....you and every other guy on the face of this planet. Please please lay off the whole "I'm sooo romantic and nice" bit. If you are, I'll learn it about you eventually, if you have to tell me, then you are not nice.
Last edited by DancingFool; May 21,2009 at 2:37am.
 
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wishamee is offline wishamee Post #8  May 21,2009, 2:48am
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You profile sounds fine and the tweaking makes it even more interesting. The subscription EH takes time so don't think there is something very wrong with your profile if you don't get a bunch of dates right away. If you read more here and there on this advice center, you will see that many people have to have more patience than they expected. Plus they get a lot of matches with people who don't actually communicate.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  May 21,2009, 6:10am
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While I am not one of the ladies that you are seeking advice from I don't see anything really wrong with your profile.

I would love to see what some of the people such as brave and neardc have written in their profiles that makes them SO stand apart. I would also like to know how you write anything substantive in 500 characters, that is all eHarmony gives me under each section.
 
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #10  May 21,2009, 7:00am
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Agree that in the OP your first answer was too generic.

How about getting rid of the 4 - 6 days in the gym, and just say that you go to the gym regularly. I read 4 to 6 and think this guy is a health nut (or nuttette if you were female).
 
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