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MommyGetCoffee MommyGetCoffee is offline
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MommyGetCoffee has a date next Saturday night! Thanks, eHa!

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Hi, just wondering what you all think about sending that first OC message, after going through the Guided Communication process. What is the protocol? I just got to OC with a match and sent a very brief note -- basically just a "hi, glad to see you in OC," type thing. Now I'm wondering if I should've been funnier, more engaging, sending a question or two?
How do the gentlemen like the ladies to handle this transition?

Thanks in advance. . . .
- May 18th, 2009, 10:58 pm
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guitarjunkie guitarjunkie is offline
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As a guy I usually initiate, so it's up to me to write the first message and I usually write 2-3 paragraphs, mostly referring to something we exchanged in GC.
If the woman sends the first OC message because she initiated then I definitely prefer a somewhat thoughtful message that asks me a couple of questions to get the ball rolling. It can be anything really but I usually like it when she simply asks me more about something that she already knows about me from my profile or from GC.

For me, this applies to the next one or two messages too (after which I usually ask my match out to meet in person). I'm just talking to a match in OC and after I sent the first message asking her a few questions about herself she sent a reply only answering the questions I asked, but not giving me anything to write her back about. No questions, no nothing. So I'm not even sure how to reply to her message.
- May 19th, 2009, 12:32 am
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DDjr DDjr is offline
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I usually say thanks for getting to OC, ask a few questions and usually comment on something in the person's long answers.

I think regardless it's an awkward transition.

I don't put a lot of emotional energy into trying to decide how much is too much and how much is too little. I figure that the other person either has some interest in me (which means that communications are going to move forward) or the other person is just kind of stringing along in which case she's likely to poof at any moment anyway.
- May 19th, 2009, 09:13 am
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is online now
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I always find it a bit awkward to begin OC. I will usually try and keep it short but ask a question or two about something that was in their profile or answers. I try and ask questions that give them an opportunity to give a detailed answer and not just say a few words.
- May 19th, 2009, 01:20 pm
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tbesq tbesq is offline
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I give a brief bio of myself, highlighting things that weren't in my original profile. I also make sure to discuss my dating/marriage/child status. Usually that encourages my matches to open up more about themselves. I have found that most times women will follow my lead. If I show great interest, she'll reciprocate. If I just type, "hi, glad we made it to OC," her e-mail usually isn't much longer. When I type an informative first e-mail and she responds with very little, I will ask her some questions to get her to discuss similar topics I brought up in my e-mail. If she continues to be non-responsive, I close her out.

I totally get women wanting men to take the lead, but if I lead I expect her to follow.
Last edited by tbesq; May 19th, 2009 at 08:45 pm. Reason: Grammar
- May 19th, 2009, 03:13 pm
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Nature_Lover Nature_Lover is offline
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tbesq wrote :
I totally get women wanting men to take the lead, but if I lead I expect her to follow.
Well put!
- May 19th, 2009, 08:43 pm
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outlaw1 outlaw1 is offline
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Check up on the EH site. They might have an article on this.
- May 25th, 2009, 11:55 pm
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garden_gal11 garden_gal11 is offline
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During OC I did ask more about a guy's info from GC. Either this guy is monosyllabic, doesn't want to go into greater detail or responds better verbally (?). Invited me to join his network on windows live, I did and continued to OC through this mode. All this time I'm not getting any better idea of who this guy is.Then I noticed comments from him from month before on that page - found a lady to love and cherish... He gave me his phone # and wanted me to OC that way when asked about "lady" and what was up.Some times, I think, maybe its better to close some people out. I like honest open communication and some people just can't give you that much for whatever reason.
- June 16th, 2009, 07:24 pm
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D_Lion D_Lion is offline
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Unless things have changed, the person who started the process is NOT the one to also send the first OC.

In any case, if I am moving quickly through the process (multiple messages per day), I almost do not care what she writes. If it has been a pattern of a few days between messages, I like longer, more thoughtful messages (I do not react well to people who are both slow and thoughtless.)

I think one wise strategy is to always have in an early OC message a new fact about yourself (which invites a new topic of conversation), or a question which is amenable to either a short answer or a long answer (this gives the person options.)
- June 16th, 2009, 07:52 pm
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avinash avinash is offline
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I usually just leave my initial OC message as a hello, since I usually don't know how to start the discussion
- June 16th, 2009, 09:21 pm
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