Why do I keep getting asked about my feelings towards premarital sex when...?


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Mr. Nice Guy is offline Mr. Nice Guy Post #1  May 18,2009, 4:48pm
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...I have already made it very clear in my profile that I am still a virgin and I am against premarital sex, period. I mentioned this when answering the question "Describe one thing about yourself that only your best friends know" in my About Me profile.

I mean, seriously, I got asked that question on stage 1 of Guided Communication by one of my matches a week ago and it was not the first time this has happened. With previous matches, I have gone ahead and answered this question openly by selecting the first option "I am completely against it." Then the next thing that happens I get closed out by my matches. This really makes me wonder about them. With this one match that asked me this question only a week ago, I decided to close her out thinking that she was asking me that only because she wanted to have premarital sex and of course, I am against it.

Why do you think I would still get asked this question even though I have already made it very clear in my profile what my feelings are about premarital sex? Is it because my matches want sex before marriage, and they just want to see if I have changed my mind since I already stated my opinion in my profile? Is it because they are like me and don't believe in premarital sex and they are just double-checking me to make sure I haven't changed my mind about it? Maybe they didn't even bother to read my profile; maybe it might be a scammer who doesn't care to read my profile. I really don't know. I am at a loss here. I mean what gives? What do you think is the most likely reason I keep getting asked this question on EH? And how do you think I should handle the situation if I ever get asked this question again? Let me know what you think.
 
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Four_Children is offline Four_Children Post #2  May 18,2009, 5:49pm
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One thing to say as a woman, it is very unusual to encounter a man with your beliefs. Some of us just want to double check and make sure we read correctly the first and that you have not changed your mind.

Just last week a match asked me the same question, I answered by saying "I'm celibate" and I still have not heard from them sense.
 
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bravethestorm is offline bravethestorm Post #3  May 18,2009, 6:05pm
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Possible reasons include:

1. It's just one of their default questions that they send to all matches.
2. They skimmed your profile and didn't see it.
3. They are asking to see if you changed your mind.
4. They are verifying that it wasn't a typo.

I'm sure there are other choices but my best guess would be that they send the same questions to all.

Just answer it how you feel...don't try to please a match. The right match for you will accept your answer. It's also possible a "close" was a response to one of the other questions.
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #4  May 18,2009, 11:12pm
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I looked at this a little differently. I think it's possible that the ladies may not be virgins and were asking to see if you would be willing to engage in a relationship with a potential SO who is not a virgin. I am also a member of an exclusively Australian dating site and several males there have made it clear that they are only interested in virgins for relationship/marriage.

I also agree with the reasons written in the previous posts.
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #5  May 19,2009, 12:07am
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well there are other thoughts to have about it than just being against it. like, what you're for or how you view chastity. if you give a simple answer like chastity means "no sex before marriage", those more into their religion (for example) might feel that's not far enough along the path to holiness.
 
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tincup is offline tincup Post #6  October 14,2010, 11:05pm
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I don't mean to be offensive but many girls might think you're flirting. I had a gf once and whom I used to joke with that I was a no PM sex guy (this was before we had sex). It created loads of sexual tension between us.

Now here's my challenge to you. I'm also a believer in God. And I believe that one of the strongest messages in the bible is to experience love between a man and a woman. Every time I have had sex it was under conditions of love, although I've never been married. I'd challenge you to reflect on whether or not you think I'm going against god's will by finding a girl, sharing love with her and ultimately yes, having sex with her.

I believe that God wants us all to find and make the best bond we can in marriage. With divorce statistics over 50%, clearly as a society we need to make stronger bonds. Sex is part of that bond. It allows you to further assess compatibility so that the strongest bond possible can be forged. Isn't that in God's plan as well?

No need to answer publicly, I pose the above as rhetorical questions. Didn't mean to put you on the spot. Whatever your beliefs are they are and as much as I may not agree with them, I do respect a man that stands by his convictions.

Good luck to you.

Tincup
 
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Altair is offline Altair Post #7  October 14,2010, 11:19pm
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I didn't see your age as your profile was no longer available. But come on, at a stage of life that a lot of people are under there are no virgins here, and there is still fire in the furnace for sex. Yes, ( shudder) people like sex. You may not like it, but there are plenty who consider it a big part of any relationship and want to see if you are compatible in that department and that you are not some prude. Face it, every sexual appetite is different. Some like it hot, some like it cold, some like it in the pot nine days old
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #8  October 15,2010, 12:40am

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meri75 wrote :
I looked at this a little differently. I think it's possible that the ladies may not be virgins and were asking to see if you would be willing to engage in a relationship with a potential SO who is not a virgin. I am also a member of an exclusively Australian dating site and several males there have made it clear that they are only interested in virgins for relationship/marriage.

I also agree with the reasons written in the previous posts.
that was my thought.
 
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ISearch4Love is offline ISearch4Love Post #9  October 15,2010, 3:40am
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My guess would be that they just didn't read your profile.
 
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leegleze is offline leegleze Post #10  October 15,2010, 5:09am
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ISearch4Love wrote :
My guess would be that they just didn't read your profile.
Yes, that's my take on it too. I have been contacted by many men who don't know I'm a smoker, although it's very clear in my profile. When I make sure to remind them of that fact in our first email, about 80% of them say "Oh, I didn't notice that. Thank you for pointing it out." Then they make the decision to keep in contact or not. For some, it's a deal-breaker. Most only scan each profile before initiating contact, making assumptions that aren't really there.
 
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