What do periodic but infrequent responses mean?


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FaintestInkling is offline FaintestInkling Post #1  May 17,2009, 9:28pm
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Last edited by FaintestInkling; January 31,2010 at 8:04pm.
 
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Flipofreality is offline Flipofreality Post #2  May 17,2009, 11:34pm
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I'm pretty sure that I have read somewhere on one of the official help topics from the site that it takes some people on average 10 days to respond. Not sure how accurate that is, but some people are just very busy. I know I take a fair chunk of time to answer people sometimes because I simply don't check it every day.

Although, I have to say if I get really interested in someone I usually check more often, because I start thinking about them, but it takes until the open communication stage for me to really get that interested. So if it persists after a few messages in the open communication stage, just ask politely why it takes her a few days to respond. (Also note that in messages like these where there is room for her getting offended be careful of word choice, and be sure it doesn't seem like you're assuming she isn't interested, or assuming anything really)

Overall, I'd say stick with it a little longer, but find out if there are any issues so you aren't simply wasting your time.
 
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FaintestInkling is offline FaintestInkling Post #3  May 18,2009, 5:41am
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Thanks, that makes sense!
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #4  May 18,2009, 7:43am
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Don't close the match. She's probably busy communicating or dating other matches, which is what you should be doing. Most of the matches don't pan out into anything so there's a good chance you'll get your shot.
 
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dadist is offline dadist Post #5  May 19,2009, 4:59am
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I know a lot of people that got sick of eHarmony and basically gave up after a couple of months. They would rarely check their messages if at all. I myself still checked every day but I have a lot of free time in the mornings.
 
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sweetpea08 is offline sweetpea08 Post #6  May 19,2009, 9:07am
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My first thought was maybe she doesn't have easy/regular access to the internet. She is obviously interested enough to answer your questions thoroughly and send you some back (which is more than we can say for some). You've got nothing to lose by keeping this match open while exploring others. I'd hang in there.

Or maybe she just requires a slower pace. But I agree, that is frustratingly slow!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  May 19,2009, 10:53am
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There is no reason to close the match. If and when she answers then you can respond. In the meantime continue pursuing your other matches.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #8  May 19,2009, 1:38pm
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There is really no easy answer here. I side with the others in saying that it may still be a little early to close the match. However, at some point if she hasn't responded after a reasonable time, I would close. If she is really interested she will ask you to reconsider, and she probably understands why you closed her (make sure your reason is as accurate and truthful as possible).

Best of luck.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #9  May 19,2009, 4:05pm

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Hi FaintestInkling,

This is the most frustrating part – when you wait, and you don’t know what’s happening on the other side. She could be her taking her time to respond for any number of reasons. Even when matches are interested, they may be slow to respond for other reasons, or gain a second wind with communication later on. The tough part is that there is no guarantee.

Of course you should do what you feel most comfortable with, but the first idea you listed does follow the “Nudge” procedure of the previous stages of Guided Communication. The good thing is now that you’re in Open Communication you can send a personalized, tailored message. It’s been a week, so a friendly Nudge in your own words is appropriate. If, after another 7 days you still haven’t heard back, I agree with Tbesq – closing an unresponsive match might help you focus your valuable time and energy on more promising matches, and she could request to re-open the match if she likes.

All the best,

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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #10  May 19,2009, 6:24pm
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She isn't that interested. It's that simple.
 
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