What NOT to say in my "About Me" Profile


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SarcasticInSeattle is offline SarcasticInSeattle Post #1  May 13,2009, 10:59am
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Recently eHarmony's Advice department sent me one of those newsletter emails. I don't normally find much of interest in them, but one headline caught my attention in the last one I got.

"What NOT to say in your 'About Me' Profile"

It lists 5 things you should not say in your profile:

1. Don't include anything that you can’t spell or punctuate correctly.
2. Don't say anything you would say to someone you just met 3 hours ago.
3. Don't fill your profile with things you hate.
4. Don't fill your profile with to much info about family or work.
5. Don't be so vague that you say nothing.

This one caught my attention because I have had trouble attracting the people I am attracted too. I have met a lot of awesome people through this, but after a date or two I realize that we don't match up enough for anything significant to happen. However, I've seen 2 dozen profiles where after reading their profile I get excited and say aloud, "OMG SHE IS SO COOL!" The problem is that I send them a message or some close ended questions and the only response I get back is a closed profile.

Now the truth of the matter is that I could quite possibly be the ugliest thing on the face of the planet... but that would certainly hurt my ego a little. So instead I would rather believe that I am just really bad at creating a profile that makes people think positive things about me.

Which why I came here. I was wondering if I could ask for the help of my fellow eHarmoners with my profiles. I was thinking maybe I could post excerpts of my profile and you could tell me what you guys think, and possibly point out things that should not be in there.

Now I realize that we are all individuals with individual wants. I understand that the reason that so many people close my profile so quickly may have nothing to do with what is written on it. However, what's the (e)harm(ony) in getting a second opinion?

Now those excerpts....

1. "What are you most passionate about?" (I was worried this first one may have been to general)

"I am passionate about having fun while still achieving my goals. My career is extremely important to me, but I don't want it to be my whole life. I believe that it is important to find a healthy balance if you want to find true happiness. I try to balance work with the fun I get from experiencing new things on my own time. My favorite way to do this is to go exploring. Sometimes I do that by traveling to other cities or countries, but usually I just try to find something new and exciting in my city."

2. "Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?" (I am worried that this one may give the wrong opinion of my friendship with my best friend for no other reason than the fact that I have had problems in the past with women I date not liking the idea of my best friend being female. I have found that eventually they realize that we are close but platonic; however, the start of relationships for me usually involve this problem. I am not sure if the following gives the wrong impression or not... here is the excerpt)

"Other than my parents I would have to say that my best friend has been the most influential person in my life. She has always inspired and pushed me to be a better person. She provides me with a different perspective when I need it, and forces me to take on new challenges."

There is much more in my profile than that, but nothing more that I think I could tweak to get more people's attention. After this if someone doesn't like what they see then there is no point in us talking. I was just wondering what everyone thought of those 2 excerpts were.

Thank you for your time,
-Sarcastic In Seattle
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #2  May 13,2009, 11:07am

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my best friend is a guy, and that is something i would not bring up until at least the second date.
 
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PinayBeauty is offline PinayBeauty Post #3  May 13,2009, 11:46am
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I like your profile so far and I would respond to it. I wouldn't be intimidated by you having girl friends...I have guy friends so holding that against someone would make me a hypocrit. Unfortunately, even people you like may not be attracted to you...just like it is in real life no matter how attractive you are or what you can offer someone. I would just say keep pressing forward and you will find someone.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #4  May 13,2009, 11:57am

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there is nothing wrong with having a best friend of the opposite sex. however, in the world of online dating where you have a profile rather than reality, if i saw this profile i would wonder why he isn't dating that girl.
 
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haveponies is offline haveponies Post #5  May 13,2009, 12:04pm
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I have to admit that a guy with a girl best friend sends up a red flag for me simply because my last boyfriend's definition of "just friends" was much different than mine. Needless to say the relationship ended with me being betrayed and very very hurt. Maybe that's something you should save once folks have gotten to know you better.
 
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SarcasticInSeattle is offline SarcasticInSeattle Post #6  May 13,2009, 1:13pm
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Thank you everyone.

There is certainly a fine line between being honest and saying to much to soon. I think my friend is a place I could be honest later, and until then not say anything. I will certainly change that part for sure. I am positive I can re-write it to make it gender neutral and still true.

A very good point was brought up that not everyone is going to like me just like in real life, and I agree with that completely. However, if there is anything else anyone can see that could send up red flags please let me know. I will certainly weight all advice against the image of the person I want to project to others and make changes to my profile accordingly.

Thank you everyone!
 
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QAKittyCat is offline QAKittyCat — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  May 13,2009, 1:34pm
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I agree!

These are good info to have.
 
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56Steve is offline 56Steve Post #8  May 13,2009, 2:57pm
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Classic black stilettos in my case.
 
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Czidvar is offline Czidvar Post #9  May 13,2009, 2:58pm
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Also, if you get laid off, don't change your occupation unless you enjoy rejection. Learned that the hard way.
 
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rtist is offline rtist Post #10  May 13,2009, 3:45pm
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I like that you spent time actually completing these areas of your profile. I would wonder about the close female friend.

Reasons I close matches: One word or one liner answers in the categories or cute comments like "tell you later, when we get to know each other better". These guys usually don't have any photos and then don't write anything? C'mon, throw me a bone wouldja? You could be the greatest guy ever, but I'll never know it. It just makes me wonder if they're not interested enough to fill out the profile, what else will they not want to do for me/with me.
 
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