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Not_Getting_Anything Not_Getting_Anything is offline
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Hi All


When my current subscription ends I think I'm going to cancel my membership. I am getting no positive responses from any of my matches. I'm a decent looking42 yr oldman andI am successful, but most of the women dont have any interest.


I have gone through over 1500 matches/profiles in just over a yearand have yet to have anybody get to the open communication stage. I mean if I have a match come in and decide to send her my first set ofquestions, I rarely ever get a reponse back.


And this is what makes me mad. - All it takes is a minute to say "Close Match" orno I'm not interested in this match and close it. This is not rocket science and the person on the other end "me" can get on with looking for another match. Instead of wondering what the$%#@ is going on with that match for weeks.


It does not seem that eHarmony has any women that are interested in average looking guys such as myself. They all seem to be looking for young jocks or stud types and that is not me. It seems the only women that ever contact me are eitherhalf way around the worldor are10 years older than me. Has anyone on here had any success at all?


If anyone could give me some good/sound advice or even some criticisms,I would certainly appreciate it. I will take all the feed back I can get.


Sincerely,


Confused









- May 6th, 2009, 02:24 pm
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constantseeker constantseeker is offline
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Not_Getting_Anything, wrote :

Hi All


When my current subscription ends I think I'm going to cancel my membership. I am getting no positive responses from any of my matches. I'm a decent looking42 yr oldman andI am successful, but most of the women dont have any interest.


I have gone through over 1500 matches/profiles in just over a yearand have yet to have anybody get to the open communication stage. I mean if I have a match come in and decide to send her my first set ofquestions, I rarely ever get a reponse back.


And this is what makes me mad. - All it takes is a minute to say "Close Match" orno I'm not interested in this match and close it. This is not rocket science and the person on the other end "me" can get on with looking for another match. Instead of wondering what the$%#@ is going on with that match for weeks.


It does not seem that eHarmony has any women that are interested in average looking guys such as myself. They all seem to be looking for young jocks or stud types and that is not me. It seems the only women that ever contact me are eitherhalf way around the worldor are10 years older than me. Has anyone on here had any success at all?


If anyone could give me some good/sound advice or even some criticisms,I would certainly appreciate it. I will take all the feed back I can get.


Sincerely,


Confused







I would like to offer you some encouragement. I don't know a lot about the eHarmony process, but I have heard that some people cannot keep up communications because they only sign up for the free weekends and maybe you are getting a lot of these people as matches. That's the only thing I can think of.


I will tell you that my ex-husband was on this dating site for about as long as you have been. He is 46, but looks older, is actually anugly man with the body of a flabby teenager, terribly boring, with no sense of humor,but very successful. I don't know how it happened, but hemet the love of his life on here and is very happy and content. They met in October andare getting married within the month. So, chin up, there truly IS someone for everyone and heis living proof!
- May 6th, 2009, 02:36 pm
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scarlet13 scarlet13 is offline
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scarlet13 How many Fates turn around in the overtime?

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if 1500 women are not entering into OC with you, then chances are there is something in your profile that is turning those women off.


have a female friend look at your profile, or even post it here and you can get some feedback.
- May 6th, 2009, 02:38 pm
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Dafearon Dafearon is offline
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constantseeker wrote :

Not_Getting_Anything, wrote :


Hi All


When my current subscription ends I think I'm going to cancel my membership. I am getting no positive responses from any of my matches. I'm a decent looking42 yr oldman andI am successful, but most of the women dont have any interest.


I have gone through over 1500 matches/profiles in just over a yearand have yet to have anybody get to the open communication stage. I mean if I have a match come in and decide to send her my first set ofquestions, I rarely ever get a reponse back.


And this is what makes me mad. - All it takes is a minute to say "Close Match " orno I'm not interested in this match and close it. This is not rocket science and the person on the other end "me" can get on with looking for another match. Instead of wondering what the$%#@ is going on with that match for weeks.


It does not seem that eHarmony has any women that are interested in average looking guys such as myself. They all seem to be looking for young jocks or stud types and that is not me. It seems the only women that ever contact me are eitherhalf way around the worldor are10 years older than me. Has anyone on here had any success at all?


If anyone could give me some good/sound advice or even some criticisms,I would certainly appreciate it. I will take all the feed back I can get.


Sincerely,


Confused











I would like to offer you some encouragement. I don't know a lot about the eHarmony process, but I have heard that some people cannot keep up communications because they only sign up for the free weekends and maybe you are getting a lot of these people as matches. That's the only thing I can think of.


I will tell you that my ex-husband was on this dating site for about as long as you have been. He is 46, but looks older, is actually anugly man with the body of a flabby teenager, terribly boring, with no sense of humor,but very successful. I don't know how it happened, but hemet the love of his life on here and is very happy and content. They met in October andare getting married within the month. So, chin up, there truly IS someone for everyone and heis living proof!
they went from meeting to engaged, to married in 8 months?!?!?!?
- May 6th, 2009, 02:47 pm
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wordwoman wordwoman is offline
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A question: How do you know what all women are looking for if you haven't gotten to OC with any of the ones you were matched with, which BTW is where the conversation starts to take place? Just asking.


Now to the standard questions: Did you fillout your personality profile as accurately as possible, not with what you thought might work, but with answers that are a true reflection of who you are? And did youfill out the entireprofile with complete thoughts, not just one-word answers, and post good photos, not blurry ones that you took with a save-a-lot webcam in the basement?


If you've been on these boards for any length of time, you know that many women, me included,make their decision on whether to communicate with a manbased on what is in his profile, which should in some fashion reflect the personality profile.Photos come next.


Next, did you ask a trusted woman to look at your profile to see if there are any glaring red flags or contraditions, or for me, the dealbreaker, bad grammar and poor spelling. For example, if you say what you can't live without is "physicial fitness" but in your leisure activities the only things you've listedare "playing video games and poker and watching football on weekends," then there is a disconnect. And women smell a rat.


Next, take a look at those must haves/can't stands. Are they in harmony with your profile and possiblity with your personality?Can any reasonablewomen saythis continues to soundconsistent with everything else she hasreadabout you?IMO,many women are looking for consistency from one piece of information to the next, because you are a stranger to them and this is the best evidence they haveas towho you areand what you're about.


Next when was the last time you looked at those flexibile settings, i.e., distance (although I don't think this is a problem, since you're getting global matches), religion, age, children, drinking and smoking. Is there any give or take in makingchangesin any of thesesince you first joined? I know I fiddled with mine after a few months, and it made a difference.


And finally, the online dating thing takes time, sometimes considerable time. But if you're out of patience and want to try something else, move forward.


- May 6th, 2009, 03:04 pm
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Like2Bmarried easing back into the dating scene!

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constantseeker wrote :


I will tell you that my ex-husband was on this dating site for about as long as you have been. He is 46, but looks older, is actually anugly man with the body of a flabby teenager, terribly boring, with no sense of humor,but very successful. I don't know how it happened, but hemet the love of his life on here and is very happy and content. They met in October andare getting married within the month. So, chin up, there truly IS someone for everyone and heis living proof!





OMG! That is hysterical! I am cracking up, tears running down my face!! I've heard all sorts of descriptions for ex's, but this one is by far the best! What on earth possessed you to marry him?


Hey, he's a pile of poo, but very successful. LOL!
- May 7th, 2009, 06:31 pm
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Like2Bmarried Like2Bmarried is offline
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Not_Getting...You have gotten some really good advice here. I would definitely have a female friend review your profile w/you to see if there are red flags, turn-offs, etc. Sometimes, what we write sounds fine to us, because we know what we mean. But, to a lady that doesn't know you, or know the intent of what you are writing...well, she might interpret things differently. There was a topic on these message boards about what to say/what not to say in your profile that I found very helpful. Sometimes things can sound overly negative when they aren't meant that way and simple wordsmithing can remedy that. Have you gone out w/any of the ladies 10 years older that you were matched with? You might be pleasantly surprised by some of them!
- May 7th, 2009, 06:41 pm
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neardc neardc is offline
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You can also - if you wish - post your profile in the "Using eHarmony" thread (where I'm moving this thread as well) and ask for feedback from the community. You will get some helpful input that may help you improve your profile and make it more appealing.
- May 7th, 2009, 07:44 pm
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eH_Advice_Host_Renee eH_Advice_Host_Renee is offline
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Hi Not_Getting_Anything,


While I wish we could have helped you earlier with your communication concerns, I am so glad you are here now and that youhave already received such wonderful responses.


As many members have already shared, your About Me page is what inspires matches to communicate with you. A couple of members have already suggested that you share your profile here so that you can receive feedback. If you aren't comfortable doing so or would like additional feedback, a Customer Care agent will be glad to review your About Me page and address you communication concerns upon request. You can e-mail your request from the Help link located at the bottom of all our Singles site pages or by clicking here: http://help-singles.eharmony.com/.


In addition to your About Me page, photos also inspire matches to communicate. Do you have photos on your profile which allow your personality to shine through? Do they show your matches something about your lifestyle, humor, interests?


Lastly, don't dismiss those long-distance matches. You never know where that special person may be! If you haven't checked out our Success Stories page recently, I encourage you to do so: http://www.eharmony.com/success. Here you will see that you don't have to be a young jock or a stud to find the love of your life on our site, and, that if you are open to the possibilities, you may just find The One "half way around the world!"


All the best.


-Renee
eHarmony Advice Host
- May 8th, 2009, 12:40 pm
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simplyme_now simplyme_now is offline
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Not_Getting_Anything, wrote :

Hi All


When my current subscription ends I think I'm going to cancel my membership. I am getting no positive responses from any of my matches. I'm a decent looking42 yr oldman andI am successful, but most of the women dont have any interest.


I have gone through over 1500 matches/profiles in just over a yearand have yet to have anybody get to the open communication stage. I mean if I have a match come in and decide to send her my first set ofquestions, I rarely ever get a reponse back.


And this is what makes me mad. - All it takes is a minute to say "Close Match" orno I'm not interested in this match and close it. This is not rocket science and the person on the other end "me" can get on with looking for another match. Instead of wondering what the$%#@ is going on with that match for weeks.


It does not seem that eHarmony has any women that are interested in average looking guys such as myself. They all seem to be looking for young jocks or stud types and that is not me. It seems the only women that ever contact me are eitherhalf way around the worldor are10 years older than me. Has anyone on here had any success at all?


If anyone could give me some good/sound advice or even some criticisms,I would certainly appreciate it. I will take all the feed back I can get.


Sincerely,


Confused







Dear Not,


I am in the same boat- I started out determined not to post a photo, telling myself that any guy who judged me on my looks was not for me. That didn't last long, as no one on the multiple sites I'm on even looked at my profile.


I have been "matched" numerous times but no one has ever gone past reading my first answers. Those who bother to close matches give the vaguest reasons.


My favorite gripe- another site keeps sending me matches who are my age but want a woman 5-15 years younger! My 3 different emails to customer service have all resulted in being sent instructions on how do do a search on their site.


I had higher hopes for eharmony but so far nothing.
- May 8th, 2009, 05:35 pm
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