Is it wrong for me to be here?


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ColorMeHappy is offline ColorMeHappy Post #1  February 1,2009, 8:12pm
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I am turning nineteen in April. I know that right now most of you probably view me as a child... which is understandable, given that many people my age are incredibly immature. Anyways, I find myself at a crossroads in my life, and I am wondering if it is socially acceptable for me to be subscribing to eHarmony. I'm a wise 18, and I have a huge past with several experiences that have caused me to mature much sooner than the men (and women) my age. I am in college and I work hard. I understand that most teens/young adults take these yearsto "have a good time", meaning party hard. I joined eHarmony for many reasons; growing up, I had low self-esteem and extremely low standards for my partners (because, in my opinion, I wasn't one to be choosy), which led to several poor relationships and the last being abusive. Still, I'm a very strong individual and I have taken these experiences and gained from them a much stronger sense of self and standards that I intend to maintain. I have been single for half a year now and am ready to find someone who is looking for a committed, long-term relationship. But with these guys? I don't think pot smoking binge drinkers who hook up with several girls in a night would cut it, and that's all I ever see (I'm in a sorority... yes, I do participate in other environments as well, but still haven't found anyone worth pursuing).


My reason for this post is to ask your opinion. Am I too young to be using eHarmony? Which is more important, physical age or mental age? I find it most likely that I will wind up with someone several years older than me, because I need an individual who can challenge me intellectually, and most guys my age aren't quite there yet. Thoughts? Advice?
 
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bravethestorm is offline bravethestorm Post #2  February 1,2009, 10:10pm
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There's nothing wrong about you being here. Everyone regardless of age has something to add to the conversation and there are people your age looking on eharmony too.


Just be yourself and look for what you want in a partner...age maturity varies by the person. Don't be in a hurry to settle down...part of dating is finding exactly what the best match for you is and that can change as you age.
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #3  February 2,2009, 12:16am
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I'm going to guess that you've pretty much always been in a relationship and that 6 months is the longest you've been single since your first boyfriend. I know that at 18-19, 6months seems like a long time, but in all reality, it isn't.


I would advise that you take some more time to get to know, find and love yourself as a single person. Trust me, you can still go through a lot of changes yet and are still finding yourself. When I was 19, I was not a binge drinker or pot smoker either. I too, was "absolutely sure" of what I wanted to do, and had my life figured out and knew what I needed to know,


But I found out that wasn't true and went through big changes in my life and discovered talents and passions that I didn't know that I had. I was not in a relationship then. When I graduated from college, I was not in a relationship, which gave me the freedom to move half-way across the country.


I'm not saying it's wrong for you to be here, but is it really right for you to be here?
 
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Coca-Cola is offline Coca-Cola Post #4  February 2,2009, 5:27am
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ColorMeHappy, wrote :

Am I too young to be using eHarmony?
Dr. Neil Clark Warren, founder of eHarmony, happens to think so. Read "Dr. Warren's Lonely Hearts Club", BusinessWeek, February 20, 2006.


Coca-Cola
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #5  February 2,2009, 8:43am
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Personally, I think you are too young. I get the impression that being under 21, you're going to attract a certain type of guys that you do not want to date. There are plenty of 30 year old men and older that would have no problem dating a 19 year old. BUT, their reasoning for doing so may not work in your favor.


I also get the impression that those older men that you are looking for, will be a little turned off by the fact that you are under 21, much less the fact that you are still in school for the first time(college). When i was 28, i dated a 19 year old. It last 3 weeks. There was such a vast difference between viewpoints. I vowed never to date someone that much younger and in a different stage of life like that. You maybe more intelligent and mature that the guys at your age, you probably still lack the life experience. A man only 4 years older is probably out of college and in beginning his career. That stage of life is vastly different than college life. Its like college life vs. High School life. Its a world apart.


However, if you have the disposable income, give it a shot and see what you get. You might find what you're looking for.
 
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HappyG1rl is offline HappyG1rl Post #6  February 2,2009, 6:23pm
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Hmm...I'm 31, and most guys my age don't challenge me intellectually or emotionally, either.


I don't think it's wrong for you to be on EH at all. I do think that at your age, you're still figuring out what is and is not acceptable to you in a relationship. That's good and healthy, and it takes years to learn thatabout yourself.


The only thing that might be a drawback fo you is that you're still growing and improving rapidly while older people (like me, though I hate to admit it) are changing and growing more slowly becuase we've figured out most of the big stuff about ourselves, and now we're making smaller adjustments.


Don't be so sure that you want an older man. It's not necessarily going to solve your problems.
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #7  February 2,2009, 7:50pm
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And think of it this way: If guys my age and older are able to best identify with girls your age, it isn't necessarily that you are mature, but rather, they are immature.
 
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HappyG1rl is offline HappyG1rl Post #8  February 3,2009, 8:47am
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I've been thinking more about what you wrote, and after some stuff sunk in, I think there are some other topics to speak to regarding your interest in older men, specifically your previous relationship having been abusive.


Is it possible that you want an older man because you think of older men as safer than younger men? My experience with guys my age and older who are interested in younger women is that they want someone who is young enough to have not learned to challenge them yet, not to mention that they want a trophy girl who looks hot in herjeans. You may find yourself in more danger emotionally dating older men, rather than less.


Another point is that if the guys you're dating now aren't challenging you, the same guy still won't challenge you given another ten years to grow up. So, theoretically, there are as many intelectually chanllenging guys in your same-age dating pool as there are out of it.
 
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tweet37 is online now tweet37 Post #9  February 3,2009, 8:48am
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You're in college and you think you need eHarmony to help you find dates ??
 
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gr8guy is offline gr8guy Post #10  February 4,2009, 2:31pm
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tweet37,468718 wrote :

You're in college and you think you need eHarmony to help you find dates ??
Yeah, that's what I was thinking...


Perhaps she is looking for a more mature man who is intersted in more than sports, suds, and sex. I agree that older men looking to date someone of your age are really not who you should be seeking either.


In a case like this I would suggest... a geeky guy. They are loyal, smart, trainable, don't have much experience with women so that works in your favor, they and their friends will adore you and treat you like a queen.
 
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