Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #11  January 27,2009, 8:00am
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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6dle899,455714 wrote :

Let's make this a rhetorical question: Why SHOULDN'T they want to meet? Isn't that the PURPOSE of eHarmony after all? There are OTHER venues for pen pals if people want that.


...
This is a very good point.
 
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outlaw1 is offline outlaw1 Post #12  January 27,2009, 8:00am

Time for the phalanx to go back to work...

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itsbits, wrote :


This question is for the guys, but might be for the girls if you're finding this the case too? Why don't the men follow the eharmony guidelines for going through the Open Communication Process. It seems the men don't bother to read the must haves cant stands, they don't really want to get to know someone through Open Communication, just want to meet. They don't seem to want to understand who I am, just get to the meet. If you mention you'd like to stay on course with Dr. Waren's message, they say they never bothered to read it. They act kinda like I'm some kind of wierdo because I'd like to get to know them (and a month of communicating with a stranger online isn't too long or too short..not that I demand a "month"). But after a couple really short messages, they just want to meet. What's up?


Sorry to hear you aren't getting guys who follow the rules. Probably too much excitement. You know, the guys who are "up" and want to get "down" with you! It's always a joy going thru the process with someone. I hope you meet more matches that use the system so you can fully enjoy all the advantages of it. All good energy.
 
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WaterHound is offline WaterHound Post #13  January 27,2009, 8:03am
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Argh, diatribe must have been monitored...and killed...


I believe nothing that I hear or read and only half of what I see first hand. The MH/CS are a check the box answer that doesnt give a clue to who you are, so I find it a waste of time. The OC, more often than not is just a misdirection. Ignition of my desire starts with the meeting and never before that.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #14  January 27,2009, 8:04am
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itsbits,455721 wrote :

BikerBeagle,455705 wrote :


People who have online dated a while know that the guided communication and open communication phases are inconsequential if there is no chemisty in person, so they try to rush to the meeting up phase before spending a 'month' on 'getting to know you'.


That sounds mean-spirited, but welcome to online dating. I read of one guy who had gone on 55 first dates and 0 second dates. How much time do you think he wasted 'getting to know' those 55 people?


Read some posts in the "Using eHarmony" forum and see how frustrated people are with it.


Thanks for the input, but perhaps if the guy taking 55 first dates had bothered to get to know the woman and found the chemistry in communication, then he wouldn't have wasted time on 55 first dates. I'm not judging your comment, I appreciate it, but I guess this is where I don't understand the idea. I, as a woman, can develop alot of chemistry with the guy in just how we banter back and forth and know the person from a different perspective. I guess, it's just a different idea?
I only remembered reading about it ...I can't say if they guy was telling the truth, somehow sabotaging himself, or was simply butte ugly.


I can tell you that most people (men and women alike) do not believe that chemisty is something you can 'build', 'develop', or 'create' through email, text messages, and phone calls. You can certainly form an emotional attachment that way - and many do, even when they shouldn't - but true chemisty can only be discovered through in-person interaction.


Let it happen to you just one time - it very very likely will - and you will understand.
 
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BelieverinKY is offline BelieverinKY Post #15  January 27,2009, 8:06am
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javajava5,455759 wrote :

This is very interesting as I do select my questions carefully, always ask my own 2nd set of questions, and pay careful attention to what my match writes to see if I even want to go forward with the person.


Don't care for it too much when a match doesn't take it seriously and fluffs off the questions. When that happens, I tend to close the match. I much prefer it when a match writes in his own answers to the Stage 1 questions. I like to make the process work for me in ways that are meaningful to me.


I also prefer the answers from my matches to be written, rather than the match writing they'll tell me later which usually doesn't happen I've discovered.


The process works as a good screening tool for me to let me know if I even want to meet a match.


JavaJava5
I tend to agree. Although I don't hold it too much against someone I much prefer to see personalized answers to the questions. It shows the person is thinking and potentially creative.





Going thru the process is good but in the end, there is nothing like meeting to determine if there is true chemistry. Afterall, all other wonderful types of chemistry and connection are for naught if if you don't want to jump across the table and lay one on them :-)
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #16  January 27,2009, 8:08am
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BikerBeagle,455768 wrote :

itsbits,455721 wrote :


BikerBeagle,455705 wrote :


People who have online dated a while know that the guided communication and open communication phases are inconsequential if there is no chemisty in person, so they try to rush to the meeting up phase before spending a 'month' on 'getting to know you'.


That sounds mean-spirited, but welcome to online dating. I read of one guy who had gone on 55 first dates and 0 second dates. How much time do you think he wasted 'getting to know' those 55 people?


Read some posts in the "Using eHarmony" forum and see how frustrated people are with it.


Thanks for the input, but perhaps if the guy taking 55 first dates had bothered to get to know the woman and found the chemistry in communication, then he wouldn't have wasted time on 55 first dates. I'm not judging your comment, I appreciate it, but I guess this is where I don't understand the idea. I, as a woman, can develop alot of chemistry with the guy in just how we banter back and forth and know the person from a different perspective. I guess, it's just a different idea?


I only remembered reading about it ...I can't say if they guy was telling the truth, somehow sabotaging himself, or was simply butte ugly.


I can tell you that most people (men and women alike) do not believe that chemisty is something you can 'build', 'develop', or 'create' through email, text messages, and phone calls. You can certainly form an emotional attachment that way - and many do, even when they shouldn't - but true chemisty can only be discovered through in-person interaction.


Let it happen to you just one time - it very very likely will - and you will understand.

I'm too picky, I guess.


Plus the percentage of horror story dates to normal dates is rather heavily weighted in the horror story date section.
 
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Red Sox Girl is offline Red Sox Girl Post #17  January 27,2009, 8:12am

It's almost time folks.....

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Mr_Right,455772 wrote :

I'm too picky, I guess.


Plus the percentage of horror story dates to normal dates is rather heavily weighted in the horror story date section.
You're worth being picky......Otherwise, how will you find Mrs Right?
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #18  January 27,2009, 8:14am
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Red Sox Girl,455776 wrote :

Mr_Right,455772 wrote :


I'm too picky, I guess.


Plus the percentage of horror story dates to normal dates is rather heavily weighted in the horror story date section.


You're worth being picky......Otherwise, how will you find Mrs Right?

Darn right!
 
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Steve_Cam is offline Steve_Cam Post #19  January 27,2009, 8:20am

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i see it with women too,, but whatcha gonna do? I just watch for signs and close away,,


-Steve Cam
 
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trailviews is offline trailviews Post #20  January 27,2009, 8:21am
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itsbits, wrote :

This question is for the guys, but might be for the girls if you're finding this the case too? Why don't the men follow the eharmony guidelines for going through the Open Communication Process. [...] What's up?
Unless you choose to fast track, there's no way for a man to avoid the guided communication process (unless he just fails to answer the questions). If you don't click "close" when a guy fails to do so, that's your fault.
 
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