Do men understand that women may not be comfortable meeting right off the bat?


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westiefan78 is offline westiefan78 Post #61  July 4,2009, 10:43pm
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LonelyStarState wrote :
whats the point in meeting people if you don't want to spend real time with them?


i dunno how others feel but i'm not into penpals, txt msg buddies etc.
I know you wanted answers from guys, but I'm a woman and have to say you are absolutely right. I feel the same way. There are way too many dangerous people out there. If he's not willing to take a little time and get to know you via email or over the phone he's not worth your time. Many men will throw up those "red flags" you refer to in the first email or phone call. It's SAFER AND SMARTER to communicate that way for at least a little while.
 
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outlaw1 is offline outlaw1 Post #62  July 4,2009, 10:44pm

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redevil999 wrote :
Turn on the news in any city and you'll hear horror stories about some very scary things happening to women. Inevitably if it's mentioned that the woman met the man online, you get the sense that many are thinking "when will they learn to be more careful?"


This is my first foray into online dating and I participated in the free communication this lastweekend. I had a lot of matches and was in communication with approximately 7 people. I put in my profile that I would only be available for "communication" through the weekend at this time. I made it to open communication with one man who promptly sent me an email with his offsite email and phone number saying he was looking forward to meeting me. I sent him an e-card on Monday saying I was looking forward to getting to know him better.


I was very busy this week and wanted to put some thought into my first email, so I didn't send it out until Saturday. I showed some interest for some things in his profile and shared a little about myself in those same areas. It was about 10 sentences long and just enough to start a conversation without being too long-winded (believe me, much shorter than this post!). The subject line was "Getting to know you...". I finished with "So,tell me a little about yourself.....I get an email back this morning... 1 sentence, very brief reference to one of the things I had asked about. And then he said if you'd like to meet me call me and again put his phone number. I don't know anything about this guy, except that he has internet access and he doesn't seem too interested in helping that process along.


So, do you guys understand that we don't know you, we don't know anyone else that knows you and we'd be a little more comfortable talking to you a little bit to see if any red flags pop up for us?


I understand that a meet would take place in a public setting and that they are not inviting me into their home to show me their basement . But, in my (hawt) youth, I've had guys follow me home from clubs when I didn't give out my phone number to them. I've had a guy who was dating my girlfriend, until she moved out of town to get away from his abuse, leave a note on my door that he wants to get to know me.... and no, as far as I know she never told him where I lived.


I'm entitled and, frankly, smart to be cautious. So these guys that talk about what gentlemen they are, etc., don't they want to make me comfortable before meeting them? I've read over and over about how if women won't provide a pic or don't want to meet right away that they are closed or blown-off... How considerate can I expect them to be in the future if they have no respect for my sense of safety?

Guys, weigh in here please, I'm really asking for your input. Thanks for your time.

That's because the media has mostly largely refused to publicize bad stories about VIOLENT women. But give them time-they are starting to turn on women. And some women ARE violent. Talk to 1,000 men like I have and you start to see patterns.

Not all men are the evil doers the BIASED media tries to make us out to be. That's called fear reporting. Even mosquitoes can be made out to be the bad guy, if give enough negative media press.

Some women do things like Parental Alienation which directly results in thousands of fathers commiting suicide. But you never hear about THAT on TV. I'm just making a point that not all women are Angels as some are lead to believe. Some even are predators and hurt GOOD MEN.

As for your dilema and that of others, I'd suggest you write on your E Harmony profiles that you prefer to become friends first before meeting. It will save you and them a lot of grief. And maybe save you a lot of poofing on the end of some men.

Men too are expected to have as much respect as you want from them. We don't want our chains jerked. I'm not saying you do it. But to me, emailing forever is a losing proposition. Most women are like private dectectives; they want information to decide who to throw to the curb BEFORE they have ever met the guy.

Online dating is just like a job search. Give out too much info on the phone/in emails and most likely you will NEVER get to the interview. I'm not trying to be cruel or insensitive to you. You are free to have your rules.

Kindly expect men to act like men. And please don't insult us for ACTING LIKE MEN. That's like insulting a woman who likes to shop. "Gosh I told her I wasn't looking for a woman who likes to shop. And she just had to stop and look into that dang window!"

Please do the men matches a service and strongly emphasize on your profile you need time to get to know someone before meeting them. If they can't read your profile, then it's their fault if you close them out for not caring about your feelings.

I wish you luck.
 
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outlaw1 is offline outlaw1 Post #63  July 4,2009, 10:47pm

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redevil999 wrote :
Turn on the news in any city and you'll hear horror stories about some very scary things happening to women. Inevitably if it's mentioned that the woman met the man online, you get the sense that many are thinking "when will they learn to be more careful?"


This is my first foray into online dating and I participated in the free communication this lastweekend. I had a lot of matches and was in communication with approximately 7 people. I put in my profile that I would only be available for "communication" through the weekend at this time. I made it to open communication with one man who promptly sent me an email with his offsite email and phone number saying he was looking forward to meeting me. I sent him an e-card on Monday saying I was looking forward to getting to know him better.


I was very busy this week and wanted to put some thought into my first email, so I didn't send it out until Saturday. I showed some interest for some things in his profile and shared a little about myself in those same areas. It was about 10 sentences long and just enough to start a conversation without being too long-winded (believe me, much shorter than this post!). The subject line was "Getting to know you...". I finished with "So,tell me a little about yourself.....I get an email back this morning... 1 sentence, very brief reference to one of the things I had asked about. And then he said if you'd like to meet me call me and again put his phone number. I don't know anything about this guy, except that he has internet access and he doesn't seem too interested in helping that process along.


So, do you guys understand that we don't know you, we don't know anyone else that knows you and we'd be a little more comfortable talking to you a little bit to see if any red flags pop up for us?


I understand that a meet would take place in a public setting and that they are not inviting me into their home to show me their basement . But, in my (hawt) youth, I've had guys follow me home from clubs when I didn't give out my phone number to them. I've had a guy who was dating my girlfriend, until she moved out of town to get away from his abuse, leave a note on my door that he wants to get to know me.... and no, as far as I know she never told him where I lived.


I'm entitled and, frankly, smart to be cautious. So these guys that talk about what gentlemen they are, etc., don't they want to make me comfortable before meeting them? I've read over and over about how if women won't provide a pic or don't want to meet right away that they are closed or blown-off... How considerate can I expect them to be in the future if they have no respect for my sense of safety?

Guys, weigh in here please, I'm really asking for your input. Thanks for your time.

I am being moderated and cannot respond. To insult men for acting like men shows you are hurting somehow. Maybe you can strongly write on your profile that you only want to be friends first before you meet. Then if insensitive men overlook your feelings, you can feel ok about closing them out.

I understand woman like to gossip about Idol or talk about shopping or dieting. For me to insult them online for acting like women won't help me. Good luck to you.
 
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redevil999 is offline redevil999 Post #64  July 5,2009, 12:32pm
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outlaw1 wrote :
I am being moderated and cannot respond. To insult men for acting like men shows you are hurting somehow. Maybe you can strongly write on your profile that you only want to be friends first before you meet. Then if insensitive men overlook your feelings, you can feel ok about closing them out.

I understand woman like to gossip about Idol or talk about shopping or dieting. For me to insult them online for acting like women won't help me. Good luck to you.
Speak of the devil...

So, I forget are you the pot or the kettle?
 
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outlaw1 is offline outlaw1 Post #65  July 5,2009, 5:16pm

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Originally Posted by outlaw1

I am being moderated and cannot respond. To insult men for acting like men shows you are hurting somehow. Maybe you can strongly write on your profile that you only want to be friends first before you meet. Then if insensitive men overlook your feelings, you can feel ok about closing them out.

I understand woman like to gossip about Idol or talk about shopping or dieting. For me to insult them online for acting like women won't help me. Good luck to you.

________________________________________


[B wrote :
redevil999;663682[/b]]Speak of the devil...

So, I forget are you the pot or the kettle?
_______________________________________

Outlaw 1 replies:

So Jewish men like me are the "devil?" Yup sure...
I wish you much healing.
Last edited by outlaw1; July 5,2009 at 5:17pm. Reason: eha glitch
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #66  July 5,2009, 5:49pm
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Outlaw,
I know you are a loving, reasonable man.

Red's post was written from the perspective of a woman online dater. Since you say yourself that we speak Womanese, while men speak Manese, then please allow for interpretations before you decide that it's about hate.

Granted, men and women are different, but we are also similar, and we all want to love and be loved, regardless of gender. Both men and women can be Jewish (I have some Jewish blood in me myself, for the record).

But there is much more fun in respecting and loving each other, especially if we want to achieve Harmony (partialy in reference to our presently shared location).

And lots of love from planet Moon to you, my friend
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #67  July 5,2009, 5:53pm
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I can certainly see where the OP is coming from and her example of a guy she just met wanting to meet right away could come across as very scary. Personally though if I feel things are going well, I am going to ask her out sooner than later. Personally I would much rather make my move within the first couple of weeks of talking to her. I would think after talking online for a few days we would move to telephone conversation. Another few days of that and I would ask her out. I have no problem meeting in a public place rather than picking her up at her house if she feels more comfortable doing that.

The only variable that is different for me, is that if I was living in the same town as her than I would likely ask her out for coffee even sooner, but since most of my matches have been an hour to two hours away I would likely want to get to know her more before I made the trek to first meet her.
 
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outlaw1 is offline outlaw1 Post #68  July 5,2009, 8:16pm

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[B wrote :
IcecreamMoon;664075[/b]]Outlaw,
I know you are a loving, reasonable man.

Red's post was written from the perspective of a woman online dater. Since you say yourself that we speak Womanese, while men speak Manese, then please allow for interpretations before you decide that it's about hate.

Granted, men and women are different, but we are also similar, and we all want to love and be loved, regardless of gender. Both men and women can be Jewish (I have some Jewish blood in me myself, for the record).

But there is much more fun in respecting and loving each other, especially if we want to achieve Harmony (partialy in reference to our presently shared location).

And lots of love from planet Moon to you, my friend

Full Moon greetings

Thanks for your compliment. I agree with your post IcecreamMoon. If I post from a place of pain...and answer someone who is also is in pain {venting} then I might be insensitive to their needs.

Rather to move the thread forward, I will have to forgot past prejudices against me. Yes a Gentile can have a Jewish soul and/or have Jewish blood. After posting before I logged off. Ate two pieces of home made bean pie my Persian friend gave me. Better than pecan pie as it's a little less sweeter.

Then did a 2nd workout [lifted weights in the afternoon] by going to a close by nature spot & walking in the cool weather. Saw a racoon! 15lber at least, scrambling up a tree. I gave him a squirrel call but too late. He disappeared around the tree. Kept giving off a squirrel call [don't know how to do a racoon call] and then saw part of his head!

He came around the tree and slowly headed to the ground. I had some dried fruit rollup and got ready to throw a piece. It's 100% dried juice. But he darted to the undergrowth and disappeared. I've never seen a racoon there and have been going there for ten years.

What a gorgeous night. Saw a few cats & kittens including two I wanted to take home. Anyhoo things happen for a reason. Pain I guess is energy...if not used up properly, perhaps it can haunt us for a long time. Forgiveness [for me per Family Court and other things] is not an easy thing.

All good energy.


Full Moon Article, Moon Names Information, Download, Photos -- National Geographic full moon names
Last edited by outlaw1; July 5,2009 at 8:20pm. Reason: full moon calling nature people
 
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denali is offline denali Post #69  June 18,2010, 1:28pm
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As I am sure you've learned by now, most men automatically close without reading profiles without a photo. What's the point?

I'd also observe that you're making a sweeping generalization based on your experience with one guy. I would have followed your preference and responded back and forth a few times, if that made your more comfortable, although I might have been turned off by a 10 line email right off the bat. I'd save much of the the personal stuff for when we meet. I doubt that you can really get much of a read on someone based on emailing. It's easy to be something you're not in writing.

I appreciate your reluctance, but you don't sound "ready" yet.
 
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